Category Archives: Iain

Iain

Hebridean Way – Lewis (Iain)

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My name is Iain. I have a cousin called Iain. I have another cousin called Iain. I also have another cousin called Iain. Finally, I have a cousin called John. Which is the Gaelic version of Iain.

There was not much imagination in my family when naming children.

It’s common in the Western Isles for children to be named after a grandfather. Which is fine when if you are boy but annoying for a girl.

I once worked with a woman called Murdoina Donaldina Morrison. Her grandfather was Murdo Donald. Adding -ina onto the name supposedly made her name more feminine. I don’t think it works.

Whilst visiting a relatives grave in Lewis. I noticed the grave next to it had “Hugh Machonald and his wife Hughina” written on it. Shug is a common nickname in Scotland for people called Hugh. I wonder if they were Mr and Mrs Shug?

Check out the video to see the amazing view my relative has. Definitely a view to die for.

The last days cyling was a relatively short 28 miles. The weather was beautiful. The sun was shining and their was very little wind. The last section is mostly flat and boring so there isn’t much too say about it.

The route only get interesting once it reaches Ness. Ness has one of my favorite signposts. It’s always good for a childish laugh.

It also has an example of sign failure. The route of the Hebridean way is very simple to follow but there is one left turn just before the end of the route.

The left turn is hidden by other signs and is impossible to see on approach to it. I bet many people bike and only realize when the road runs out about one mile down the road.

The official route ends at a lighthouse. On a normal day there is a great view out to see.

But I enjoy going there on a bad day. Waves batter the cliffs as the full force of Atlantic storms reach land. The sign that marks the end of the route used to be in a much more open place. Watch it move back and forwards as the wind batters it.

It has now been moved to somewhere more sheltered.

There is one thing a cyclist does not want to hear when they complete a long distance cycle. My wife finised and asked “Where the car?” I replied “Two mile away!”

Its fair to say she looked at me in the same way a hungry lion looks at an antelope just before mauling it to death.

I was lucky to escape Ness unscathed.

We had lunch in Port of Ness. At a cafe with an amazing view but the slowest service. We had to with 45 minutes from ordering before the food arrived!

Considering how lucky we’d been every other day one late meal was a small price to pay for a great experience seeing the Islands.

Iain

Hebridean Way – Harris (Iain)

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Instead of taking the west coast route, I decided we‘d go along the eastern side of the island. The west coast has some great beaches but the landscape of the east looks like the moon. If the moon had brown heather.

The other reason for choosing this route is that Santa lives on the east side. He stays in a bus shelter near one of the small towns. Although I am worried about him. I think he might have lost his head

Thankfully he was still there when I biked past.

Unusually for the western isles the weather was amazing. The sun was out and there was absolutely no wind.

I managed a couple of hill reps of the highest hill in Harris – clisham. The north side was pretty straightforward but the west side was a 300m climb from sea level up a 12% slope!

As the weather was so good my wife decided to cycle for as long as possible. She managed 100K. She stopped near an an alpaca farm at the Callanish Stones.

They claim they sell Fish and Chips but I bet its actually Alpaca and Chips.

Iain

Hebridean Way – South Uist to Berneray (Iain)

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Day 1 started with torrential rain

Day 2 started with Torrential rain

Guess what day 3 started with….yup – torrential rain!

At least the days were consistent. Thankfully that was the last we saw of rain until we finished the Hebridean Way.

We started at the Lady of the Isles statue. My wife and her sister headed off following the Hebridean Way but I decided to take a different route. I’d spotted a road heading up a local hill to a radar station. It looked like a fun climb so I parked up and took my bike for a spin.

The view from the top was superb. I could see all across South Uist, Benbecula and onto North Uist.

After the ride I drove through Benbecula. It was very flat and surprisingly ugly. Sorry Benbecula but you are the elephant man of Hebridean islands. The only redeeming feature was the Co-op. They had amazing cinnamon donuts. They were so good I ate two even though it wasn’t yet 10am.

I sped through quickly and caught up with my wife in North Uist. The sun had come out and it was a very pleasant day. I would have offered her a cinnamon donut if I had any. I offered her an oat cake instead.

North Uist was very nice. Quite roads and nice scenery. We could even see St Kilda in the distance. The people of Uist thought folk in St Kilda were a bit dim. They say one St Kilda man came to the island and spotted a lighthouse. He ran towards it, flung open then door, ran up the stairs and looked at the big bright light and said “is that you God?”

I don’t know how true that is but it makes for a good story.

We finished cycling in Berneray and were treated to a glorious sunset –

– Which was nearly as good as the sunrise the next day.

Iain

Hebridean Way – Eriskay (Iain)

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Eriskay is famous for three things – whisky, horses and football. Which sounds like the ingredients for a great night out.  

Whisky – In 1941 the SS Politician ran aground off the Isle of Eriskay whilst carrying a significant cargo of Scotch whisky. The incident inspired the film Whiskey Galore. One Christmas I bought my dad a £250 bottle of whisky. I thought he would save it for special occasions so he could savour the taste. Instead, he tanked the bottle in three days. At least he enjoyed it.

Horses – I have only ridden a horse once. It was in India. I sat on the horse. The horse bolted. I tried shouting “woaaaaah” to slow it down. It didn’t stop as it only understood Hindi. Since then I have never trusted horses. Eriskay is home to the Eriskay pony, an endangered breed of horse unique to the island. They roam free but they seemed to enjoy hanging out at the pub.

Football – Fifa recognised Eriskay football pitches as one of “eight remarkable places to play football in the world”. I used to play football in Lewis. It was remarkable any of our pitches could be used for football. One pitch was so slanted I needed climbing equipment to make it out of my own half.

The journey from Barra to Eriskay takes 40 minutes. Luckily some dolphins appeared and swam alongside the ferry

Eriskay is very small. It only took the cyclists 15 minutes to cycle through. They missed all three of the things Eriskay is famous for because they followed the official Hebridean way route exactly.

One of my complaints about the route is that it does not point out interesting diversions.  For example in South Uist the route passed a side road that lead up a small hill to a magnificent view of the whole island. It only takes a couple of minutes to cycle up but there is no indication on the road that it is a diversion worth taking.

View from the radar station

We stopped for lunch at the Borrodale hotel. A recent Tripadvisor review described it as “tired looking…like the rest of South Uist” That must have been written by a man from North Uist.

I thought the place was nice and the food was tasty. In fact, It was so good we went back in the evening.

The riding in South Uist was very easy. The only problem occurred when a funeral cortege approached us on a single-track road. We stopped to let them through but it took 15 minutes for everyone to get past.

We finished the day at a statue called “the lady of the isle.” It was commissioned when the Ministry of Defence was planning to build a missle testing range on the island. The statue is a reminder of the power of church and community. I’m sure its intentional that it looks a little bit like a rocket.

Iain

Hebridean Way – Oban to Barra (Iain)

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Barradise

“Do you sell bike tubes?”

I was in a bike shop in Oban. In ten minutes time, I was due to leave on a ferry to the Isle of Barra.

My wife and her family were going to cycle the Hebridean way – a 185 mike ride from the Isle of Barra to the Isle of Lewis via the Isles of Eriskay, South Uist,Benbecula, Berneray, Harris.

The route

My role for the trip was to drive a support car. It was a nice change not to have to be the one doing an event. My only responsibilities were to ensure they didn’t get lost, that I had carried their supplies and luggage in the car, and that I could fix their bikes if their was an issue.

There was only one problem. I forgot to bring any spare bike tubes. If any of them got a puncture they be walking rather than biking the route.

“What size do you need?” The bike shop worked asked.

“700×25 or 700×28” I replied. I was confident he’d have some. They are the most commonly used bike tube sizes.

“Sorry. I don’t stock those sizes!”

I was shocked but I didn’t wait around to debate the merit of a bike shop not stocking the one tube most cyclists need. I ran to the other side of Oban to see if the only other bike shop in town stocked them.

Thankfully they had some. I made it back to the car just in time to board the ferry.

I spotted a number of cyclists waiting to board. They were all female. The weather forecast for Barra was wet and wild. Does this mean male cyclists are wise or does it mean they are big girls blouses scared of a little rain?

Despite all the cyclists boarding the ferry, we didn’t see a single cyclists whilst doing the Heb way route.

The ferry was the one that used to do the Stornaway to Ullapool route. I’d taken it many times. It was looking a bit tatty compared to when I was last on it.

There wasn’t many passengers on board. I had the dinning room area entirely to myself. Mainly due to it being a rough crossing. Nobody wanted food, they were all lying down seasick.

What folk don’t realize is that the dining room is actually the best place to be. They were all in the observation lounge which is at the top and front of the ferry. The place which experiences the most ship movement.

If you want a smooth journey sit in the middle of the ferry on the lowest floor. Where the dining room was.

We arrived in Castlebay in time for dinner. My wife and her sister are both vegan. I looked at the menu. It was very meaty and fishy. There was only one vegetarian option and that had cheese in it.

I asked the waitress if they did any vegan options. “Yes – we do chips”

After dinner we checked into the bed and breakfast. I asked the owners what the vegan breakfast options were available? She replied “toast”

It’s fair to say the Hebrides has not yet embraced veganism.

Other vegan options we were offered on the trip were

Blue cheese and broccoli soup. Cheese isn’t vegan
Lentil and bacon soup. Yes – really. Bacon!
Smoked salmon. What do you mean fish isn’t vegan?

Iain

Outdoor Swim Review: Portobello Beach (Iain)

At my workplace, I sit next to a Dutchman. Last Friday, he asked me what my plans for the weekend were. I told him I was going to a Wim Hof Method workshop.

Wim is also Dutch. His nickname is The Iceman because of his ability to endure cold conditions. He has swam under the ice at the North Pole, he can sit in ice baths for 90 minutes and he ran a marathon in the Arctic Circle shirtless and shoeless. I assumed he must be very famous in Holland.

My colleague looked at me and said “Wim who????”

Wim needs to work harder on his Dutch PR.

My colleague then asked what the Wim Hof Method is?

“If I knew what his method was I wouldn’t be going on the course!” I replied.

#spoileralert (Don’t read on if you don’t want the method spoiled)

The Wim Hof Method can be summed up as “remember to breathe when you go experience cold conditions. Also try to go in cold conditions regularly”.

It was a fun class and I took away a lot of information about breathing correctly. Which is more than can be said for one attendee who, when told to breath calmly and gently, exhaled his breath so violently through his nose it was like a volcanic eruption of snot and air.

Despite the instructor reminding everyone to breathe calmly, the volcano continued his overly enthusiastic eruptions. I think he was trying to impress his partner who was also attending the course. Like a gorilla in the jungle marking their territory by huffing, puffing, and bashing their chest he was making sure she knew he was the manliest breather in the room.

When it came to the exposure to the cold we had to swim in skins in the North Sea. Unsurprisingly Wim Kong – the breathing gorilla was first to run in. I hope, like a gorilla, he didn’t piss in the water to mark his territory!

REVIEW

Ease of Access: Portabello is close to Edinburgh. Parking near the beach can be tricky but normally a space can be found in a side street

Water quality:  Murky. I was once told that it was a beach best to avoid for swimming due to nearby sewage pipers. I don’t know whether that is true or not but its always put me off.

Swim Quality: Cold. Water temperature was 12.2. I managed 10 minutes of skin swimming (without a cap) There wasn’t anywhere to swim to so I just swam aimlessly and admired the view of the town.

Other People: Even on a cold, grey, dreich day the beach was busy with walkers and dogs.

Would I go back: No. I’d rather travel a bit further and go to the beaches in East Lothian. They are sandier and more enjoyable to be at.

Warming up before swimming
Iain

Great gigs: Oasis – Irvine – 1995 (Iain)

Have you ever gone deaf? Have you ever experienced ringing in your ears so loud it feels like your head is an alarm clock? Have you ever seen Oasis play live?

I’ve seen Oasis. They were the first gig I ever attended. It was 1995 in Irvine and it cost me £12.50. Nowadays some concerts charge that for a pint of beer.

Oasis where not the first musical act to visit the Ayrshire coast. Elvis Presley’s only UK visit occurred when his plane landed near to Irvine at Prestwick Airport. He did not get out of his plane. Do you want to know how bad Prestwick Airport is? Even Ryanair has stopped flying from there. No wonder Elvis stayed on the plane.

I went with Andrew to the gig. It was one of our first trips by ourselves away from home. I remember standing outside the tent. I was as excited as I was terrified. Thoughts rushing round my mind – “Will they play Live Forever? Will I get crushed in the mosh pit? How will I get home? Do I look cool with my Liam haircut?”

The answer to the last question was 100% no. Thankfully, the 1990’s are an era I have very few photos of as the word had not yet invented “selfies” or “doing it for the gram.” I have no record of my dubious haircuts or fashion decisions.

The last thing I said to Andrew before going into the tent was “Stay together but if we get separated meet me at entrance.”

We headed into the tent. These days when I attend a concert I want a comfy seat, a good view and an interval at half time so I can go for a lie down. Back then all we wanted was to be right at the front of the stage so I could jump, sing and go deaf due to being too close to the speakers.

We managed to stay together…until the music started. The crowd started moshing, Andrew was dragged off to my left and I found myself spinning round in a circle in the middle of the tent.

This was amazing. My mind was blown and so were my ear drums due to the noise.

I cannot remember anything of the gig after this point. Which means it must have been good!

A review of the gig

Afterward I waited for Andrew at the entrance. He didn’t turn up. This worried me. Not because I was worried about him but because he was the one who knew how to get home. I was also worried because I couldn’t hear properly. There was an incessant ringing noise in my head drowning all other noises out.

I waited as long as I could but eventually had to run to catch the last train to Glasgow. Thankfully someone showed me the way to the train station. I got there just in time. I jumped on the first carriage that had space in it. I sat on the only empty chair on the carriage. I turned to see who I was sitting next to – it was Andrew!

“ALLRIGHT?” He shouted. In the manner of a man who couldn’t hear himself properly due to deafness.

“PARDON!” I said. Not being sure what he said due to the ringing in my ears.

It was three days later before we could properly hear each other.

It didn’t stop us going to concerts and as its the off season for racing I’m going to recall some of the good, the bad and the I can’t actually believe I paid money to see Brittney Spears gigs.

OASIS GIG REVIEWS (FROM MEMORY)

Aug 4th 1996 – Loch Lomond – Great show despite crowd issues.
Jan 21st 1996 – Ingliston Showground – Terrible Show.
April 26th 1996 – Maine Road- Best gig I ever saw them do
Dec 14 2005 -SECC – Terrible show.
Nov 13 2002 – Braehead Arena – The best I’ve heard Liam sing.

When the were great they were GREAT but when they off form….oh dear.

Oasis gigs I can remember attending. There might be others that I’ve forgotten about.
Iain

Cornwall – part 2 (Iain)

I have a theory that I can tell how posh a place is by counting the number of men I spot wearing red coloured trousers.

Why? Because I have never seen a man wear a pair of red coloured trousers on a housing estate but I have seen them on a country estate.

I saw allot of a red trousered men in Cornwall.

Sidenote: there is a funny website called http://lookatmyfuckingredtrousers.blogspot.com/

Which reminds of a posh man I met at University who claimed he was working class despite growing up in a castle. He claimed it was true because his nanny was working class!

There is a phrase “An Englishman’s home is his castle.” In that man’s case it was literally true but in most cases it implies a homeowner (whether a castle or hovel) should have the right to defend their home from invaders.  Not in an amusing Home Alone style way in which a criminal is hit in the face with an Iron by a small child but in a mad farmer way where a criminal is blasted by a shot gun.

Home Alone

This meant I was slightly afraid of Trail running in Cornwall.

In Scotland I can go anywhere (just about) as the public has a right of access over land and inland water as long as they behave responsibly.

In England no such right exists. The freedom to roam is only as long as the public follow public rights of way.

I saw how protective people are of their “castle” whilst walking along a public path. At one point, the path seemed to lead into the garden of a house. I wasn’t sure about the path so I looked at a map and discovered that the route through the garden wasn’t a public path but a private path. The public path involved skirting round the garden.  

I skirted around the garden. When I got round to the other side I noticed someone else had not checked the route and was now walking across the garden. It did not take long for a man to appear from the house. The man wore red trousers. Which matched the colour of his angry face. He shouted “WHY ARE YOU IN MY GARDEN?”

I don’t think the correct answer was “to admire your roses?”

For the rest of my trip I was very careful to check where I walked and ran.

Running in Cornwall
Iain

Cornwall – Part 1 (Iain)

Last week I visited the pretty Cornwall town of St Mawes.

St Mawes is very long drive from Glasgow. I stopped en-route for a toilet break. Some people stop at a service station but I wanted something a bit classier so I stopped at Prince Charles house. The Queen uses the phrase the ‘Royal We’ but in my case it was a ‘Royal Wee’.

The Prince’s loos are very nice. The cubicle even has a painting in it. The sign next to it read “gifted/painted by David Andrews.” If I painted/gifted a present to Chaz I hope it would take pride of place in his house, not hung in the toilet used by commoners.

Whilst having a tour of his property I tried to find his WiFi network. I know this is a really geeky thing to do but I was really hoping it would be named “Your Royal Wifiness.” Unfortunately I didn’t get a WiFi signal anywhere near his house.

Away from his house I was shown a shed in his garden. The tour guide said this was Chaz’s personal meditation space and only the Prince had a PIN number to unlock the door. At this point my phone pinged to say it had found a WiFi network.

Aye right, mate, meditation. That’s why you need to lock the door!

His gardens are amazing. Probably the best I’ve ever seen. It was very inspiring. To think all it took to do the work was an unlimited amount of cash and not having to work for a living.

So on the way out I stole an apple from his garden. He’s taken enough money from the public purse so its only fair I get one measly apple in return.

Climb Review, Iain

Great Scottish Bike Climbs – The Crow Road (Iain)

Crow Road (towards Lennoxtown)

An episode of the channel 4 house hunting program “Location, Location, Location” featured a flat in Glasgow that was described as a desirable two bed home, in a quiet neighborhood, with stunning views across the city.

I recognized the flat because I lived around the corner from it. The flat was not at all desirable. It was next to a very busy noisy road and the only view out the window was of MacDonald’s drive in restaurant.

The flats location is on Crow Road. So when I heard cyclists say they were off to cycle Crow Road this is where I thought they were going. I couldn’t understand why they said the climb took them 30 minutes. I could walk it in 5. Maybe they stopped for a MacDonald’s McFlurry?

It was only once I got a road bike that I discovered the other Crow Road was on the outskirts of Glasgow in Lennoxtown.

The first time I saw it I didn’t think it looked too hard. Little did I know that from below I could only see half of the climb. The first section up to a car park. Then there is a big right turn over the hill.

 

One year I decided I was going to be the quickest man up Crow Road. Now this is quite a challenge because allot of good cyclist use the climb for training. The Scottish Tour De France Cyclist David Miller used to ride a dozen reps of it as training in preparation for the Tour.

So my choice was either train hard and smash it or be smart!

I choose to be smart. So one new years day I got up early and became the first man up the Crow that year. Which also meant I was the fastest that year….as long as I didn’t check Strava again for 12 months.

Climb Review

Difficulty: 6/10

Its not a steep climb. I’d describe it as steady. Although when the wind is in the wrong direction it can be a bit of slog!

Views: 8/10

Great views on both sides of the Campsie hills. Ona clear day you can see for miles around.

Traffic: 8/10

Its normally a quiet road. Especially on Sunday mornings or weekday evenings.