Film Friday – Stefon (Iain)

Film Friday is a weekly recommendation of one video to watch this weekend.

How far can you do take one joke ? Watch all 5 episodes of Stefon and see how the joke never changes but it gets funnier and funnier!

PS – my wife watched this and didn’t laught once. She now thinks I’m an easily amused idiot. All I can say is – yes, that is true.

This week has a bonus film – if you think Stefon tries your patience then try and watch all of the Macgruber sketches. I love them. Many, many people do not!

Film Friday – I M Jolly (Iain)

Film Friday is a weekly recommendation of one video to watch this weekend.

Today is New Year’s eve therefore my recommendation for what to watch is the greatest new year’s ever comedy sketch – the Rev I M Jolly.

If you are not Scottish, or if you are not as old as me then you might never have heard of Rikki Fulton. He was a Glasgow comedian who performed a sketch show on BBC Scotland every New Years eve.

Families would stay up late to watch. Andrew and I both loved his show. Check out his most famous sketch character.

Happy New Year!

2021 Report (Iain)

Every year I download an info-graphic of my Strava training stats from https://veloviewer.com/infographic

You can see last years here https://twinbikerun.com/2020/12/31/2020-report-iain/

This year I made it as far as Baku. I googled “interesting facts about Baku” and discovered Baku has more mud volcanoes than anywhere else in the world. Although, a mud volcano is not technically a proper volcano as it doesn’t produce Lava.

The aim for the year was to Celtrman. That didn’t happen due to my father passing away in the spring. He died on April 1st. He would have appreciated the irony of leaving us on Aprils fools day.

There was another big event in the family. My granny turned 100 and got her card from the Queen. This is the first time in western isles history the royal mail have successfully delivered a letter on time.

I’m not saying the Queen hates Scottish people but you can get a 100th birthday card from her in Welsh or English but when we asked for Gaelic she replied “Get to f**K Jocks! Know your place and bow down before me before I set Prince Andrew on you all”

I did complete a few races – dramathon, two triathlons and Toddman. Andrew is still claiming I cheated to win Toddman but I won fair and square https://twinbikerun.com/2021/09/08/toddman-2021-film-iain/

We wrote a book. We’ve not really mentioned it here 🙂 The aim was to sell 50 copies before xmas. I’m pleased to say we managed to sell nearly 60. Interstingly 99% of sales has been the paperback. I would have thought the ebook would be more popular as its cheaper and so many people have kindles. I was wrong. https://www.amazon.co.uk/DNF-Swimming-brothers-attempted-triathlon-ebook/dp/B09KTCL3G6

The main thing I learnt this year was that I’ve been eating Bananas incorrectly since for ever!

WTF – My mind is still blown by this….

Overall, I got through the year happy and injury free and I can’t ask more than that.

Happy New Year Everyone.

Did Not Finish – DNF book – Available now

DNF – Did Not Finish is available to order now… https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B09KTCL3G6

Is is our story of 20 years swimming, biking and running. Every one of our results tells a story, even the races we did not finish.

It is a story about finding the joy in racing whether you come first or last.

It contains stories such as ….

I discovered my local triathlon club, Glasgow Triathlon Club, had a Sunday night swimming session for beginners.

I thought it would be a welcoming environment full of like-minded beginners. It wasn’t. Triathletes lie about their ability and they are really competitive

I discovered this when the coach said: “I’d like you all to swim eight lengths of the pool at 70% race pace. I’ll time you. Who wants to go first?”

No one volunteered to go first.

“Come on! Who’s fastest?”

Everyone looked at each other in the same way a lift of strangers looks at each other after one person has farted. Who is it?

I looked at the man next to me. He was solid muscle. His back had the classic v-profile of an Olympic swimmer. He wore tiny Speedos that were so small and revealing they looked like they’d been tattooed to his crotch. His swim goggles cost more than my last car.

“Hurry up! Someone has to go first!”

The only time I’d been mistaken for a swimmer was when a hairdresser said to me “Are you a swimmer?” I beamed with pride and replied “yes” thinking it was because of my swimmer’s physique – but my pride was quickly punctured when the hairdresser said “I thought so – I examined your hair. It is in terrible condition. It is dry from chlorine.”

I did not even have the right equipment for a swim. My swim shorts were run shorts. There was no point buying one pair for running and one for swimming. It meant my run shorts got a wash. My goggles were whatever I could find in the lost and of found bucket of my local pool. I was not a swimmer.

He looked at me again. It wasn’t that he was in a different league to me. It was that we aren’t even playing the same sport.

He said: “You first, mate”

I replied, “No thanks. You should definitely go first.”

He thought about it and said, “no – I think you are quicker.”

So, I went first. I had a five second head start. On the sixth second, he caught up.

I went as fast as I could but he kept having to stop to wait for me.

After we’d finished eight laps the coach said, “are you all happy with your time?”

The man who couldn’t have been more like a fish even if he’d had gills said, “I could have gone faster but I got held up!” Maybe if he hadn’t lied about his ability he wouldn’t have got held up.

If you are good at something, it’s ok to say you are good at it.

I then looked round and saw everyone else. It was like the scene at the start of Saving Private Ryan. Bodies were strewn in the water. People screaming in agony. One man looked like he’d swum himself into a heart attack.

The coach asked, “Was that 70% effort?” No-one replied. They were all completely f&%ked! At last the man having the heart attack said through wheezy, definitely non-competitive, gasps of death “I think I went 65%!”

Film Friday – Scrooged (Iain)

Film Friday is a weekly recommendation of one video to watch this weekend.

Today is Christmas Eve therefore my recommendation for what to watch is the greatest Christmas film ever made: Scrooged!

I love Bill Murray. He can do no wrong. Some people say this is too dark and cynical to be Christmas-y but it’s Scrooge! He is supposed to be unlikable until the end. Give it a try, it’s just as good today as when it came out over 30 years ago.

Rent Scrooged (1988) on DVD and Blu-ray - DVD Netflix

Merry Christmas everyone!

Did Not Finish – DNF book – Available now


DNF – Did Not Finish is available to order now… https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B09KTCL3G6
Is is our story of 20 years swimming, biking and running. Every one of our results tells a story, even the races we did not finish.
It is a story about finding the joy in racing whether you come first or last.

The view from the top of the Scottish hill climbing route, the Devils Staircase, was beautiful. I was not the only person who thought that. A man behind me (who had a very loud voice) said loudly:

“THIS IS BEAUTIFUL!”

Yes, it is. Thanks for pointing it out. Then 10 seconds later…

 “WHAT A VIEW”

Thanks again. I definitely would not have noticed unless you had said something. Then ten seconds later.

“STUNNING!”

It still was. It hasn’t changed in the last 10 seconds!

Then 10 seconds later…

“AMAZING!”

Please be quiet! Then 10 seconds later.

“GLORIOUS!”

Did someone buy him a thesaurus for Christmas!

Then 10 seconds later….SILENCE. Thankfully, he must have run out of words. His thesaurus must be the abridged version. I took in the view and enjoyed the peace and quiet until he boomed  ”THIS IS BEAUTIFUL!” Then 10 seconds later….”WHAT A VIEW!” He must have been stuck on a loop. And not a nice loop, like a Honey Nut loop, the are delicious.

At this point I slowed down and let him run on ahead as I couldn’t bear listening to him holler for the whole race about how beautiful the course was.

I wonder how his wife puts up with it: she must serve him diner and then he’ll start going: “THIS IS DELICOUS… TASTY… SCRUMMY… THIS IS DELICIOUS…TASTY…”

Films Of the Year (2021) – Iain

The best thing that can be said about movies in 2021 is that it was a better year than 2020! Which is mainly because all the good films that were supposed to come out in 2020 were delayed to this year.

Cinemas reopened in the spring and the first film I saw was Nobody. A film about a middle aged man kicking ass.. My wife thought it was rubbish. I thought it was great. I think the film was more aimed at me than her.

The budget film of the year goes to Werewolves Within. A fun b movie with a tiny budget. Which means the werewolf is barely seen in the film. It shows what you can do if you have a good plot and likable lead actors.

Justice League is one of the worst superhero films ever made. It is therefore surprising to discover that Zack Snyder’s Justice League is one of the best. If anyone is unsure what a Director does then watch both versions of this film. You will see how two directors made two different films out of the same material.

For pure fun and happiness you can’t beat Free Guy. I recommend this film to lots of folk. They all said “I’m not watching that, it looks terrible” but once they watch it they say “It was actually great”. Watch it and you will see I’m correct.

And the best thing I saw in the Cinema was Dune. The plot is a bit clunky but it doesn’t matter. Every shot deserves to be seen on as big a screen as possible. Its a beautifully shot space opera that shows why films should be watched in the cinema not at home.

Did Not Finish – DNF book – Available now

DNF – Did Not Finish is available to order now… https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B09KTCL3G6

Is is our story of 20 years swimming, biking and running. Every one of our results tells a story, even the races we did not finish.

It is a story about finding the joy in racing whether you come first or last.

It contains stories such as ….

“It is a very common belief that twins, especially identical twins, are united by a strong bond of sympathy that each knows when danger or misfortune threatens the other, even when they are separated.”

A few years ago, I did an experiment so see whether this statement was true – would I feel anything if Andrew was in pain or in danger?

We did it in a very scientific way – we formed a comedy double act. Like a teuchter Ant and Dec but without their comedy timing, jokes or ability. We were so bad the only TV shows we could have hosted would’ve been Britain’s Got No Talent, or I’m Not a Celeb Leave Me Right Here.

I admit that this was not the best idea I’ve ever had. But I did have a genius idea for a joke. An idea that couldn’t fail – we’d do an experiment on stage where I’d get an audience member to hit Andrew with a rolled up newspaper whilst I looked away. I would then try to guess where upon his body he’d been struck. I thought it would be comedy slapstick gold…It wasn’t.

To test the idea out we went to a poetry night that allowed a bit of comedy because I reasonably thought nothing bad can happen at a poetry night.

When it came to our turn, we stood up and proceeded to tell a few gentle gags to get the audience warmed up. The audience laughed and applauded but as they’d just spent 90 minutes listening to poetry I think they would have applauded anything that wasn’t more poetry.

I stepped forward and asked for a volunteer from the audience. No one volunteered so I looked around the room and saw a man sitting by himself. He looked harmless enough. This was mistake number one – a man by himself at a poetry night must be a solid gold mental rocket of the highest order.

I invited him on stage and realized he was bigger than I thought. He was built like a rugby player. He was also a bit drunk. No worries – I’ll just continue the show. I handed him the newspaper and asked him to roll it up. This was mistake number 2 – never hand a man a weapon and ask him to load it himself. He rolled it very tight. So tight it was now stronger than a wooden baton.

I looked at Andrew. I could see fear in his eyes. I looked at the audience member. I could see violence in his eyes. I did what any loving brother would do. I turned to the man and said “I’m going to look away. Hit my brother as hard and wherever you like!”

This was mistake number three – I shouldn’t have turned my back on the scene of the crime.

I shouted, “Hit him”.

There was silence and then a large THWACKKKK sound before more silence….like the silence you get after a nuclear bomb has detonated but the blast hasn’t reached you yet. Then the audience gasped….Andrew screamed. He’d been hit so hard in the balls he was now my twin sister rather than brother.

If I was psychic, I would have felt something. I felt nothing. The audience member hit Andrew again. THWACKKKK….SCREAM…THWACKKKKK, THWACKKK….SCREAM! Each time he was hit I felt nothing.

As Andrew lay on the floor writhing in pain. His crown jewels having been pulverized. I asked myself “Are twins psychic?”

The answer is No.

Film Friday – Gamesmaster (Iain)

Film Friday is a weekly recommendation of one video to watch this weekend.

The Channel 4 computer games show Gamesmaster was the most offensive show to ever go out at teatime on national telly, It was brilliant. Especially at it was supposed to be a show for kids.

You couldn’t make it now but this is a really good update. There are three episode and each is better than the last.