Andrew was on the phone to me. “Where are you?” he asked.  I replied “I’m in the car park.” I’d agreed to meet him at the official race start – Clydebank Leisure Centre. I was parked in the car park and I thought I was quite easy to spot as it wasn’t too full of cars.

“Where in the car park? I don’t see your car.”

I looked around. I was the only car in my part of the car park. I was very visible. “I’m the only one here. Look towards the back of the car park.”

“I can’t see you. There’s nobody parked at the back of the car park!” He sounded annoyed.

It suddenly dawned on me – “Are you at the old leisure centre rather than the new one?”

“There’s two lesuire centres???”

“Yes – you’ve gone to the old one! Idiot!”

• 

• 

It was a fair mistake to make. The race had always started at the old leisure centre. I drove over to collect him. There was a number of other runners waiting there. Which goes to show how few people read pre-race instructions as it was quite clear from the notes where to go.

The race is a point to point from the shores of Loch Lomond back to Clydebank. Clydebank is where the band Wet Wet Wet come from. It was also an apt description of the weather. The rain was hammering it down as I got changed in the car but thankfully, I had packed a Gore-Tex hat and jacket. Once I had them on it looked like I was off to climb a mountain rather than run a race.

To get to the start the organiser put on buses. They must have asked the bus company “How much for a bus to Balloch for 700 runners….HOW MUCH!!!…Can you do it cheaper? How much for a bus with no heating?”

The cold miserable bus ride was more of an endurance test than the race itself. Shortly after leaving Clydebank the rain turned to snow. The talk on the bus was whether the race would be cancelled. I saw one man in small shorts and sleeveless vest. I don’t know what weather forecast he’d seen that morning to be dressed so inapproriatly. He must have assumed the yellow weather warning meant “Danger – there may be sunshine!”

When we arrived a man told the bus driver not to leave as he might be needed to take all the runners back to the start. The organisers were consulting and would announce shortly whether the race would go ahead.

We took the opportunity to get into the toilet before anyone else. This will explain why https://twinbikerun.com/2016/03/15/never-mind-the-balloch-to-clydebank-half-marathon-andrew/

Word soon came through that the race would go ahead but anyone who wanted to go back to the start could get back on the bus. I was happy to run. It had stopped raining and it didn’t feel too cold although I was worried what the paths would be like.

Runner are a hardy bunch so quite a number did choose to start including the man from the bus who had hardly any clothes on.

The first couple of miles are along a canal path. There’s not much room to pass people which is annoying as faster runners get caught behind slower ones. Which is why I was behind Andrew… honest!

There was a lot of puddles on the path due to the rain. Runners like to think of themselves as hardy souls prepared to run through rain, hail and sleet but the one thing they won’t run through is a puddle. It was amusing to watch the different techniques other runners used to avoid getting their feet wet.

Some do a swerve at the last second to avoid the puddle and other attempt a long jump to stride over it. I prefer to go straight through the first puddle I see and let my feet get wet. I then don’t have to care about avoiding puddles for the rest of the race. Its a wet race just get soaked and then get on with it!

The last few miles of the the course is normally run on pavements. The organisers very clearly state “Stick to the pavements. Do not run on the road.” But many chose to ignore this as the pavements were covered in slush. Some were running on the road with headphones on as car’s wizzed by. I’d rather get my feet wet than be hit by a car.

Race organisers should offer a email/text service were you can grass up other competitors to get them disqualified. It would be for peoples own good as they’d then learn not to so stupid things in races!

I’d ran with Andrew until the last mile. At that point he increased his pace and I couldn’t keep up. I was happy to have stuck with him until then as I was still a bit sore after falling down a hole on a bridge the previous week.

Although the start of the race has changed the end has not. It still finishes at at the old leisure center which meant a one mile plod back to the car via some of Clydebank’s most glamorous spots

POSTSCRIPT: I asked for a medium sized t-shirt but I didn’t try it on until I got home. The organizers must got their t shirts from the same place as they got the buses. “Hello, how much for 300 medium sized t shirts….HOW MUCH!! Do you do kids sizes? is that cheaper? I’ll take 300 kids medium sized T- shirts.”

Its the smallest medium sized t shirt I’ve ever received at a race. It barely covers my belly button. I’d like to wear it as its a smart design but I’m afraid I’d look like a 1980’s dancer from Fame!

Showbiz is fame and glamour. That what I thought until I found myself auditioning for The Chase in the nondescript hotel function room of an even more nondescript hotel. The sort of hotel even cockroaches would think twice about staying in.

The audition involved a mock quiz and a short interview. I think the casting agents were looking for contestants who could explain their answers clearly. I assume this because I got all the answers wrong but I think I did a good job explaining my reasoning.

I was warned afterwards that I was not guaranteed a place on the show because they cast more people than they require but, if they did want to use me, they’d be in touch. It was the old showbiz phrase “don’t call us, we’ll call you!” After six months of not hearing from them, I was pleased and surprised when I received a call to appear on the show.

I was hoping they’d fly me down from Glasgow for the filming. Preferably a showbiz private jet. They offered me a return ticket on the train…2nd class only! Oh, the glamour of showbiz.

The Chase is filmed at Elstree Studios near London. Elstree is where the Star Wars films were made. I hoped I’d see Darth Vadar at the studio but unfortunately not. The Star Wars part of the studio has been knocked down and is now Tesco supermarket. They should call it C3P-TESCO.

The production crew put me up a hotel next to the studio. I thought I might spot some showbiz stars. Maybe Jennifer Aniston would be filming a new movie and need to stay close to set. If she was filming then she must have stipulated in her contract, “don’t put me up in that dump of a hotel next to the studio” – as I didn’t spot her at the breakfast bar ordering a full English.

After breakfast at my hotel I was chauffer driven to the studio. I was hoping for a stretch limo. I got a banged up old Ford Mondeo.

At the studio I was introduced to my fellow contestants. We did a warm up quiz to break the ice. Afterwards my impression was:

Magi – an unemployed middle aged woman. She was told by the producer that she shouldn’t say on the show she was unemployed. Supposedly TV viewers don’t like unemployed people winning money. She was told to say she was a volunteer. She was very slow at answering and seemed a bit mad. I thought she would be out in round 1.

Ellen – a mother of two. She seemed very pleasant. I suspected she also wouldn’t last long on the show as she had got a lot of answers wrong in the quiz.

Lewis – he was a big fan of the show. He knew a lot about Bradley Walsh and would say things like “Bradley will like it when I mention Watford FC as that’s his team too” I was worried he was a Bradley Walsh stalker and that he might have a big Bradley tattoo on his chest with “I love you Bradster” written underneath it. He was amazing at the quiz and I thought he was a definite to get through to the final chase.

Before the show recording started we were lead to or own personal changing rooms. I’ve seen cleaner’s cupboards that are more glamorous.

The producer told us we wouldn’t meet either the Chaser or Bradley Wash before filming began. So that a) we would act naturally surprised when the chaser appeared and b) Bradley preferred to do the show “cold” so that his reactions would be natural too.

As we queued outside the door to the studio there was another queue across from us waiting to get in a different door. I asked them what they were queuing for – “Pointless,” said one. Yes most queuing is pointless!

It turned out that the two biggest quiz shows on daytime TV are filmed next door to each other. Oh, the glamour!

[To be continued]

Is it better to know a lot about a little or to know a little about a lot?

I know a little about a lot. Which is useful at my work as people can ask me about anything and I’ll have a vague knowledge about it.

The downside of this skill is that ‘a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.’ It mean other people (and myself) think I know more than I actually do!

It could also be argued that knowing a lot about a little is not a particularly useful skill. Imagine Liam Neeson in the film Taken if he only had a little knowledge.

But there is one place where my skill set does prove useful. One place where my skills truly shine. One place where I am a skills king among- unskilled mortals – a pub quiz.

If you want to know who the musician was behind the hit song “wombling free” by The Wombles was then I’m your pub quiz man. [Its Mike Batt]

If you want to know what is the capital of Kazakhstan? Then I’m your pub quiz man. [It’s Astana]

If you want to know what that pimple is at the end of your thingy then….I’m definitely not your man. Go and see a doctor!

I never thought my general knowledge would amount to much until I saw a program on ITV called “The Chase”

If you are not aware of the show then The Chase is a three round general knowledge quiz hosted by Bradley Walsh for four contestants.

In round one, each contestant answers as many general knowledge questions as possible in 60 seconds. Each answer is worth £1k to the team’s prize fund.

In round two, a contestant faces a quiz expert called the “chaser.” They play on a virtual ladder. A contestant starts 5 spots from the end of the ladder, which has a cash prize, while the chaser starts 8 spots from the end. Each player simultaneously and secretly answers a trivia question.

Each correct answer brings a contestant closer to the end. However, each correct answer for the chaser brings the chaser closer to the contestant. If the chaser catches the contestant before the contestant reaches the end, then the contestant loses and the game ends.

In the final round, the contestants who successfully managed to complete round two have two minutes to answer as many general knowledge questions as possible. The chaser then does the same. If the contestants have a higher score than the chaser they keep the prize fund. If the chaser wins, the contestants go home with nothing.

As soon as I saw it I thought to myself – this is a show I can do because the questions don’t require any specific knowledge, it only requires knowing a little about allot.

Which is why I found myself here….

[To be continued]