Film Friday is a weekly recommendation of one video to watch this weekend.
Today is New Year’s eve therefore my recommendation for what to watch is the greatest new year’s ever comedy sketch – the Rev I M Jolly.
If you are not Scottish, or if you are not as old as me then you might never have heard of Rikki Fulton. He was a Glasgow comedian who performed a sketch show on BBC Scotland every New Years eve.
Families would stay up late to watch. Andrew and I both loved his show. Check out his most famous sketch character.
When you’re inside do you really want to be reminded about it? For me, the best programme of the year was ‘Long Way Up’ on Apple TV. A nostalgic revival of Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman’s previous trips around the work but this time a challenge to cycle from the tip of South America to Los Angeles. To watch it now was to be reminded not just of their previous trips but also what it was like to just travel for the sake of travelling, something we can’t do anymore without re-creating the opening of Stephen King’s ‘The Stand’.
But if you had to be reminded about the pandemic then the three best programme were Bo Burnhan’s ‘Inside’, an epic musical, nervous breakdown, or possible piss-take, set inside a single room. The not at all pandemic related ‘The Terror’ about two boats trapped in the ice as something that may or may not be supernatural stalks the ice. But while ‘The Terror’ may not be directly about the pandemic it did show what happens if you’re stuck indoors for two years. And BBC3’s ‘Pls Like’, which saw series 3 struggle to film a mock documentary in the middle of lockdown while pretending to be serious while also being deeply silly.
Honourable mentions:
Continuing the nostalgia theme: the so far excellent return of serial killer Dexter Morgan in Dexter: New Blood and season 2 of ‘Justified’. For new stuff I watched Loki and Wandavision (but not Falcon & The Winter Soldier); and the obvious candidates of Succession, Mare of Eastown and Ted Lasso.
This year I made it as far as Baku. I googled “interesting facts about Baku” and discovered Baku has more mud volcanoes than anywhere else in the world. Although, a mud volcano is not technically a proper volcano as it doesn’t produce Lava.
The aim for the year was to Celtrman. That didn’t happen due to my father passing away in the spring. He died on April 1st. He would have appreciated the irony of leaving us on Aprils fools day.
There was another big event in the family. My granny turned 100 and got her card from the Queen. This is the first time in western isles history the royal mail have successfully delivered a letter on time.
I’m not saying the Queen hates Scottish people but you can get a 100th birthday card from her in Welsh or English but when we asked for Gaelic she replied “Get to f**K Jocks! Know your place and bow down before me before I set Prince Andrew on you all”
We wrote a book. We’ve not really mentioned it here 🙂 The aim was to sell 50 copies before xmas. I’m pleased to say we managed to sell nearly 60. Interstingly 99% of sales has been the paperback. I would have thought the ebook would be more popular as its cheaper and so many people have kindles. I was wrong. https://www.amazon.co.uk/DNF-Swimming-brothers-attempted-triathlon-ebook/dp/B09KTCL3G6
The main thing I learnt this year was that I’ve been eating Bananas incorrectly since for ever!
WTF – My mind is still blown by this….
Overall, I got through the year happy and injury free and I can’t ask more than that.
Is is our story of 20 years swimming, biking and running. Every one of our results tells a story, even the races we did not finish.
It is a story about finding the joy in racing whether you come first or last.
It contains stories such as ….
I discovered my local triathlon club, Glasgow Triathlon Club, had a Sunday night swimming session for beginners.
I thought it would be a welcoming environment full of like-minded beginners. It wasn’t. Triathletes lie about their ability and they are really competitive
I discovered this when the coach said: “I’d like you all to swim eight lengths of the pool at 70% race pace. I’ll time you. Who wants to go first?”
No one volunteered to go first.
“Come on! Who’s fastest?”
Everyone looked at each other in the same way a lift of strangers looks at each other after one person has farted. Who is it?
I looked at the man next to me. He was solid muscle. His back had the classic v-profile of an Olympic swimmer. He wore tiny Speedos that were so small and revealing they looked like they’d been tattooed to his crotch. His swim goggles cost more than my last car.
“Hurry up! Someone has to go first!”
The only time I’d been mistaken for a swimmer was when a hairdresser said to me “Are you a swimmer?” I beamed with pride and replied “yes” thinking it was because of my swimmer’s physique – but my pride was quickly punctured when the hairdresser said “I thought so – I examined your hair. It is in terrible condition. It is dry from chlorine.”
I did not even have the right equipment for a swim. My swim shorts were run shorts. There was no point buying one pair for running and one for swimming. It meant my run shorts got a wash. My goggles were whatever I could find in the lost and of found bucket of my local pool. I was not a swimmer.
He looked at me again. It wasn’t that he was in a different league to me. It was that we aren’t even playing the same sport.
He said: “You first, mate”
I replied, “No thanks. You should definitely go first.”
He thought about it and said, “no – I think you are quicker.”
So, I went first. I had a five second head start. On the sixth second, he caught up.
I went as fast as I could but he kept having to stop to wait for me.
After we’d finished eight laps the coach said, “are you all happy with your time?”
The man who couldn’t have been more like a fish even if he’d had gills said, “I could have gone faster but I got held up!” Maybe if he hadn’t lied about his ability he wouldn’t have got held up.
If you are good at something, it’s ok to say you are good at it.
I then looked round and saw everyone else. It was like the scene at the start of Saving Private Ryan. Bodies were strewn in the water. People screaming in agony. One man looked like he’d swum himself into a heart attack.
The coach asked, “Was that 70% effort?” No-one replied. They were all completely f&%ked! At last the man having the heart attack said through wheezy, definitely non-competitive, gasps of death “I think I went 65%!”
Film Friday is a weekly recommendation of one video to watch this weekend.
Today is Christmas Eve therefore my recommendation for what to watch is the greatest Christmas film ever made: Scrooged!
I love Bill Murray. He can do no wrong. Some people say this is too dark and cynical to be Christmas-y but it’s Scrooge! He is supposed to be unlikable until the end. Give it a try, it’s just as good today as when it came out over 30 years ago.
The best film of the year is an easy one: Dune. After 18 months of watching films at home, there was no better experience than going back to a cinema and watching a film that required the biggest screen and the loudest speakers. The only experience like it was when I went two months without eating any chocolate before running the Edinburgh marathon and then scoffed an entire chocolate muffin on the finish line. I’ve never had heroin but Im pretty sure it doesn’t destroy your mind, body and soul like your first taste of a muffin after two months of abstinence and 26 miles of running.
Dune was a bit like that. The fact it is also a great (though flawed) film was just a bonus. I just wanted to be back in the cinema again.
My highest recommendation for Dune though is that I really wanted to know more about how it was made and managed to find some cracking behind the scenes videos to find out more. Check out:
Honourable mentions
A film I wish I had seen at the cinema was my most surprising film of 2021: Amazon Prime exclusive ‘The Aeronaughts’. A film I dismissed when watching the trailer but couldn’t have been more wrong as it turned out to be vertigo inducing and thrilling as Gravity but in a balloon.
With more films being released to streaming rather than the cinema there was also some other gems in ‘Love & Monsters’ , ‘Don’t Tell Anyone’, ‘Stowaway’, ‘Fear Street’, ‘We Care A Lot’, ‘Prospect’, ‘The Green Knight’ and ‘The Dig’.
But nothing compares to actually going to the Cinema and I only hope that 2022 will see more opportunities to go back and that I won’t have to wait until Dune 2 is out in 2023 before returning.
DNF – Did Not Finish is available to order now… https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B09KTCL3G6 Is is our story of 20 years swimming, biking and running. Every one of our results tells a story, even the races we did not finish. It is a story about finding the joy in racing whether you come first or last.
The view from the top of the Scottish hill climbing route, the Devils Staircase, was beautiful. I was not the only person who thought that. A man behind me (who had a very loud voice) said loudly:
“THIS IS BEAUTIFUL!”
Yes, it is. Thanks for pointing it out. Then 10 seconds later…
“WHAT A VIEW”
Thanks again. I definitely would not have noticed unless you had said something. Then ten seconds later.
“STUNNING!”
It still was. It hasn’t changed in the last 10 seconds!
Then 10 seconds later…
“AMAZING!”
Please be quiet! Then 10 seconds later.
“GLORIOUS!”
Did someone buy him a thesaurus for Christmas!
Then 10 seconds later….SILENCE. Thankfully, he must have run out of words. His thesaurus must be the abridged version. I took in the view and enjoyed the peace and quiet until he boomed ”THIS IS BEAUTIFUL!” Then 10 seconds later….”WHAT A VIEW!” He must have been stuck on a loop. And not a nice loop, like a Honey Nut loop, the are delicious.
At this point I slowed down and let him run on ahead as I couldn’t bear listening to him holler for the whole race about how beautiful the course was.
I wonder how his wife puts up with it: she must serve him diner and then he’ll start going: “THIS IS DELICOUS… TASTY… SCRUMMY… THIS IS DELICIOUS…TASTY…”
Every fortnight we cover the best and worst football songs from every club in the UK from our book ‘The Sound Of Football: Every Club, Every Song’. You can buy it here
Aston Villa
Nickname: The Claret & Blue
Stadium: Villa Park
Stadium Capacity: 42,788
Song: The Bells Are Ringing
Maybe it’s an Eton thing? Both former prime minister David Cameron, and Prince William, ex-Etonians, are fans of Aston Villa.
David Cameron’s the nephew of former Villa chairman Sir William Dugdale. Sir William took the former prime minister to his first ever game when Cameron was a 13-year-old pupil at Eton. The prime minister has (mostly) supported the club ever since*.
The reason why Prince William supports Aston Villa is harder to find. The Prince has never publicly revealed why he supports Villa – though there’s an urban myth that Prince William said he supported Aston Villa because it was in the country’s middle.
We have another theory. It’s a simple one. Aston Villa won the European Cup in May 1982. Prince William was born in June 1982. Coincidence? Quite possibly, but, maybe, just maybe, our future King is a fan of the Claret & Blue because when he was born, he wanted to support the best team in Europe – and, at that time, the best team in Europe was Aston Villa.
Success, however, is fleeting.
For the first part of the decade, Aston Villa has flattered to deceive. Despite promising managers like Martin O’Neill and Paul Lambert; a youth set up that has produced players like Gabriel Agbonlahor, Gareth Barry, and Gary Cahill; and a chairman who could have taught ‘The Joy of Sex’ (his name is Randy Lerner), the team hasn’t delivered on its potential.
It all seemed so different at the European Cup Final in Amsterdam in 1982. Despite two goals disallowed, Aston Villa beat Bayern Munich 1 – 0. It should have sparked a glorious run, but the team lost the cup just a few days later while out drinking in a local pub. An opportunistic thief nabbed it when he spotted the team in The Fox Inn in Hopwas, near Tamworth.
The cup wasn’t lost for long. A couple of hours later, the trophy was anonymously handed into West Midlands police, who did the right thing but not before holding a five-a-side tournament. Of course, the winning team claimed bragging rights and a photo with the trophy. It was only after they’d finished celebrating that the West Midland police phoned the club to tell it the cup had been found.
As success is fleeting, Aston Villa has had a unique approach to its walk on music. Before home games, fans could vote for the song the team will come out to.
Favourite songs have included Black Sabbath’s ‘Paranoid’ and ‘Welcome To The Jungle’ by Guns N Roses. Other songs featuring prominently in the poll are ‘We Will Rock You’ by Queen, Fatboy Slim’s ‘Right Here Right Now,’ ‘Hi Ho Silver Lining’ by Jeff Beck, ‘Thunderstruck’ by AC/DC, U2’s ‘Beautiful Day’ and ‘Song 2’ by Blur. All great songs, but not original songs for the club. For that, we need to turn to ‘The Bells Are Ringing.’
The Bells Are Ringing refers to the bells of Aston Parish Church, which is situated on Witton Lane, only yards from Villa Park. It was a common tradition for the church to ring the bells before every game on home soil. And the song commemorates this strong tradition.
In 2011, the club was brought back by the club as a fan anthem. There was only one problem. The song repeatedly calls Villa the best team in the land. Which even die-hard fans like David Cameron and Prince William know is no longer valid. But, just as success is fleeting, so is a failure, and the glory days may yet return to Villa Park. Or, if not Villa Park, perhaps West Midland Police – if an enterprising fan spots another team celebrating the European Cup triumph down their local boozer and decides to make off with the trophy.
*Though David Cameron is not their biggest fan. He was famously slipped up in 2015 when he urged an audience to support his team, West Ham, when he meant Aston Villa. Although to be fair, many Aston Villa fans that year, watching relegation battles before eventual demotion to the Championship, would have loved to forget they supported the club too.
A break from sporting videos this week to look back at some of my favourite videos/channels. This year I probably watched more YouTube than anything else. I have an infant daughter and she’s not yet old enough to work a microwave or to order a takeaway on JustEat. Instead, she expects us to feed her every few hours and, even more, she expects us to wipe her bum too. Babies really are lazy… 🙂
As part of feeding her though I’ve been watching YouTube channels on cinematography, photography and film editing. There’s some great channels explaining exactly what to do with a three light set up; or how a single light bulb is all you need to make a horror film. I admit it is niche but, hey, this is our fifth year of writing a weekly blog about triathlons so we’re quite capable of being niche on this site.
If you want to know more then these are some good videos to start:
And if playing around around with light and lenses is not your thing and you just want an easy watch then the funniest video each week is Corrections from the Late Night with Seth Myer channel. A web exclusive where each week he corrects all the mistakes his viewers point out that he’s made that week.
The problem with returning to the office after working from home for 18 months is forgetting that your Spotify account has an “explicit content” button. After 18 months of listening to whatever I wanted at home I would switch on the Office Alexa and listen to whatever I want at the office too. Most times it’s a playlist, something I think everyone will like with words like “upbeat”, “classics” or “big hits” in the title. Something where it’s more than likely, at some point in the day, you’ll hear “Mr Brownside” by the Killers unless…. you forget to switch off “explicit content… and halfway though a discussion with accounts about employee share options you hear Jarvis Cocker’s “C***s are Ruling The World.”
So, for this year’s best song I offer a warning. This is not for the office. Nor are any of her other songs. But, for sheer explicit what if Pornhub had a soundtrack album, then check out Ayesha Erotica. This is one of her tamer trackers.
Honourable mention: Syko’s ‘#BrooklynBloodPop!’
If you prefer something lighter and more family friendly like, I don’t know, death. Then this year was a great year for albums that it’s really better not knowing how they came about before listening to them. First up, and my second best album of the year, is For Those I Love’s ‘For Those I Love’, an album created in grief about grief and as far from Ayesha Erotica as the idea of the Queen singing “WAP”.
Honourable mention: The Anchoress’s ‘The Art of Losing’
After those albums you may want something less fraught and filled with despair and you can always count on Country to deliver a sheer OTT bonkers happy song that doesn’t do anything other than say “ain’t it great to get… DRUNK ON A PLANE”.
But for best song and best album of the year there was only one choice. And no, not Sufjan Stevens like every other, even though I do recommend ‘A Beginner’s Mind’, it’s Sam Fender’s ‘Seventeen Going Under’, an album that almost rivals Ayesha Erotica for it’s use of sax.
Honourable mentions: Self Esteem’s ‘Prioritise Pleasure’, Bicep ‘Isles’, Dennison Winter ‘American Foursquare’, The KLF, ‘Solid State Logik’, Low ‘HEY WHAT’, the Dune soundtrack, the original cast album of Urinetown and JARV IS ‘Beyond The Pale’
Twin brothers swimming, cycling and running in Scotland 