Tag Archives: scotland

Iain

Radar Ride- 22 May 16 (Iain)

The Radar Ride takes place in Wanlockhead, Scotland’s highest village. The area has Scotland’s highest hotel, Scotland’s highest pub, Scotland’s highest…you get the idea.

My favourite highest thing is Scotland’s highest beer , which has the tagline – “beer with altitude!”

The race was the first UK sportive to have a summit finish. Andrew and I attempted the race in 2008. It was the second/third sportive we’d ever done. I used a hybrid and Andrew had a road bike. The weather was so bad that day the summit road was closed. We didn’t get to the top.

The race hadn’t run since then due to issues,  I think, with getting permission to use the private road to the station. So now that the race was back we were determined to get a summit finish.

The race starts with a long downhill section before taking some flat back roads to Drumlanrig Castle. After that there’s a long climb back through the valley. At this point I noticed a man was sitting behind me, coasting along in my slip stream!

I wouldn’t have minded if he’d asked but as he hadn’t I was determined to drop him! Why sit on a strangers wheel for miles on end. Is it because he because he wants to stare at my arse?

I dropped him on the climb but a few minutes later he sped past sitting on the wheel of someone else. Why do that???? Surely the enjoyment of cycling is completing the challenge yourself. Not, completing  a challenge by letting someone else do all the work.

We hit the feed stop around mile 45. It was great. Cheese rolls and home made banana cake.Much better than the Caledonian Etape. I have a theory that the more corporate and bigger a race the worse the quality of the food.

After the feed stop we headed down a hill before circling back up to the feed stop. Yay. More banana cake. It was then a long gradual climb back to Wanlockhead.

It started to hail stone as we approached the town. Andrew complained that he didn’t like the noise of them hitting his helmet. I was more concerned about how sore they were hitting bare skin!

Luckily as we approached the start of the summit climb the weather cleared. At this point I thought Andrew would sprint off to win as he was feeling fresher. He was feeling something – hunger. He spotted a man giving out cheese rolls and stopped to take one. We stopped to take a bite each of it but as we restarted Andrew struggled to get going. He was in the wrong gear!

I managed to get a 100m head start whilst he adjusted his settings. I knew from that point that I’d win. The climb is steep and I had better climbing gears than him. There was no way he could catch up.

The last section was very steep. I passed people who’d gotton off their bike to walk. I was happy that I’d managed it seated.

My first bike victory over Andrew since 2014!

He subsequently claimed Sportive’s aren’t proper races…

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Iain

The one where I get naked (Iain)

I have allot of things in common with a male stripper – rock hard abs, sweet dance moves and a massive talent!

<Waits for laughter to end>

OK – I’ve only one thing in common with a male stripper. I’ve seen all my workmates naked! Not in a creepy, hiding up a tree with binoculars type of way but in a lets all get naked in a shower way. Mmm – that sounds just as creepy as the tree…

I work for a University and we have an onsite gym. Until recently the male locker room had a communal shower. In the 10 years I’ve gone there I’ve seen a lot of naked men. Its fair to say I’ve seen all members of staff and all staff’s members.

One time I went to use the shower but realized I had no towel to dry myself. My options were:

1. Don’t shower. I ruled this out as I had a meeting to go to and couldn’t turn up looking like something the cat had dragged in.
2. Use my t-shirt to dry myself. I ruled this out as my t-shirt was soaked through with sweat so I’d end up just as dirty as I was before I’d showered.
3. Use the hand dryer.

Which is why a bunch of naked men and students looked on as as a naked 6ft man tried to get his body underneath the hand dryer. Do you know how hard it was to dry my back using a hand drier? It’s really hard! The blower kept switching off as the angle of my back couldn’t keep the infra red beam on!

Since that day my workmates have looked at me with a new found respect because not only have they seen me naked. They’ve seen me naked limboing under a hand drier. That takes real skill!

Andrew, Race Report

Twinning the Etape Caledonia (Andrew)

Last year at the Caledonian Etape Iain tried a break away at mile 70. We were heading to Aberfeldy, on a long flat stretch, he had his brand new aero bike, he turned round, took one look at me and started pumping his legs as fast as he could. He was off.

For the next three miles he didn’t look round. He kept his head down and his speed up. I sat on his wheel, waiting.

At Taymouth he finally looked round, I knew in his mind he was thinking “my job’s done, I’ve dropped him” but that’s when I picked up speed, went straight passed him and didn’t look back.

That was my fifth victory in a row.

This year, I thought it would be closer. I was wrong. I picked up speed at mile 20 as I thought we’d entered a sprint section. In previous years this section was just a mile long. This time it was 10 miles. I thought Iain was with me and we’d have a race towards the finish but, as the miles passed and I realised that I’d miscalculated I also realised Iain had not kept up. I was on my own.

I was feeling good. Despite a cold during the week I was breathing okay and not coughing too much. I kept going, setting small goals for myself. Keep up with this group. Join this chain. Pass these people on Schiehalion. Use the drops on the way to Taymouth.

I know the course so well. We would go on summer holiday to Aberfeldy and I’ve cycled parts of the route many times. It makes such a difference to know the course. You know when to push, when to relax and how long it takes between places.

With every mile I still felt fresh so I just kept going. I had some gels in my pocket so didn’t need to stop so I wondered how fast I could go. I’d hoped to finish in under 4hrs 30 mins. In the end I finished in 4 hours 11 minutes, 18 minutes faster than my previous personal best.

The twinner* again.

*twin + winner = twinner (trademark pending)

Iain

Caledonian Etape (Iain)

B+B Owner – what time do you want breakfast? 5am?

Me – Its ok. I don’t like a cooked breakfast. If you leave out cereal and milk then I’ll have that.

B+B Owner– Are you sure? How about tea and coffee?

Me – No thanks! You don’t need to get up. Cereal will be great.

B+B Owner – As long as its not an issue….

Me – Thanks! Ill be happy with the cereal. Enjoy your lie in!

When I got home I rated the B+B on tripadvisor. “1 star – No cooked breakfast!!”

If that review was true (the story is but the review isn’t) then you’d think the B+B was terrible. The review is a snapshot but its not the full story.

Similarly a picture at a race is a snapshot that doesn’t give the full story.

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We both look fit and happy. It doesn’t show that we both had a heavy cold.

We’ve been doing this race since 2011. My first attempt at it was on a hybrid bike and it took nearly 7 hours to cover 81 miles. Since then we’ve been back every year. Our times have got better but there has been one constant – Andrew always beats me.

This year I thought I’d win. I didn’t. He dropped me at mile 20. I tried to catch up but when I pushed hard my chest would seize up and I’d have to cough.

I accepted it wasn’t going to be my day. The rest of the race was spent at a steady non coughing pace. I finished with a personal best so I can’t complain….too much.

The next day I felt rough so I worked at home. I felt much better for doing so.

When I got back to the office on Tuesday nobody believed I felt rough. My boss said: “But you and your brother look fine in the picture!”

Andrew, Triathlete's Dictionary

Triathlete’s Dictionary: Running Man Flu (Andrew)

Running Man Flu
noun
An illness such as a cold that is incredibly serious, almost certainly life threatening, with just a touch of the sniffles, but the person who has it ignores it and runs anyway.
“Andrew has a touch of running man flu but he will be a complete hero and race on Sunday.”

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Andrew

Holiday Flu’s (Andrew)

I’m on holiday this week. A week at home to catch up with some DIY, some writing for work and, what I thought would be a chance to catch up with my swimming after a poor month of getting to the pool.

The swimming started fine. I went to Tollcross on Tuesday and swam 2k and could have swam more. “I’ll do 2.5k” on Thursday I told myself. In the meantime, I started each day with an hour on the turbo to get my legs spinning before the Etape Caledonia on Sunday.

And then Wednesday happened. A sore throat. The beginnings of a head cold and, today, Thursday, I’m not at the pool. Or on the bike. I’m looking out the window at an almost blue sky and wishing that I was out on the bike. Instead, I have a head cold.

It’s frustrating to be off work and to have the time to enjoy swimming, running and cycling without trying to fit them around the rest of the day. But I know there’s nothing I can do. It’s a head cold. Possibly chronic. Definitely terminal. At least for today.

I’ll be better tomorrow. And this is a good reminder that training is not just about what you planned. It’s what happens when you’re planning.

Last year I was ill for a week six weeks before Iron Man UK. I should have been going on my final long rides and runs. Instead I had to take it easy. There’s no point pushing it, it’ll only make things worse.

So, instead, I ripped apart a plastic shed and carried old paint pots back and forth from the house to the car to the skip. But I didn’t run. Or cycle. Or swim. So, that’s okay then.

Iain

Getting to “My Top” (Iain)

I got to the top of Kilimanjaro.

Not the real top. That would be the bit the map claims to be the top.

I got to “My Top”!

I’d never planned or desired to Climb Kilimanjaro but the opportunity arose so, at short notice, I decided to do it. My thought  was it can’t be that hard – even Cheryl Cole had done it.

I was fit. I could run marathons, I could bike for miles but I hadn’t considered altitude sickness. From the moment I arrived in Tanzania I felt ill. I’d left Edinburgh (which is at sea-level) and within 24 hours I was at camp one at an altitude of nearly 2000m.

A porter saw I was ill so he offered me a Custard Cream.

I’m not sure a sweet biscuit is a cure for altitude sickness. If sweet biscuits are a medicine then I’ve eaten so many, I should never get ill.

Each day I felt worse and worse. I barely ate, and I slept appallingly. Most days I was walking only a few hundred meters before I had to disappear behind a bolder to throw up.

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Yet on summit day I woke up and felt great. Unfortunately, it was too late. I didn’t have the energy to get to the top. Once I got as far as I could I turned to the porter and said “I’m heading down”.

The two of us then headed down whilst everyone else headed up. For the first time since I’d started walking, the mountain was empty of people. There was no queue of walkers, no waiting for people to get out of the way. There was just  silence and an amazing view as the sun came up. I’d got to “My Top” and it was great.

Would I have had the same experience if I’d gone to the top. Would I have enjoyed sharing the top with everyone else? I’ll never know but I don’t feel I missed out.

The lesson here is – don’t worry if you fail. Sometimes failing is the best bit. Embrace “Your Top”

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Andrew

JK Rowling’s Driveway (Andrew)

Iain and I met JK Rowling two years ago. It was at a drinks reception at the Kings Theatre in Edinburgh and, because badgering her for Emma Watson’s phone number is not cool, we asked her what she thought about the Etape Caledonia bike race closing the road in front of her house in Aberfeldy.

Because talking about bikes is cool.

Really.

However, it turned out Iain didn’t want to talk about roads, or whether she was the mystery figure who threw tacks in front of the riders (she wasn’t, we asked and she denied it) he actually wanted to ask if she knew what happened in her driveway during the race.

“There’s no loos,” he begun.

JK’s not sure where this going…

“And by the time you’ve cycled for four hours you really need to go to the toilet.”

I knew where this was going. But there was no stopping Iain.

“And all the driveway’s make ideal places to stop…”

JK Rowling now knows where this going too…

“… all the bikes pull over, and, you know…”

She does.

I do. I have to change subject: “Have you got Emma Watson’s phone number?” I ask.

She doesn’t.

Funny that.

Iain

Balfron 10k – 22 April – 44:59 (Iain)

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The name Balfron  means ‘village of mourning’ in Gaelic. This originates from a legend that the village was attacked by wolves, who stole children out of the villagers homes. To me, this sounds like a story made up by people who’d got rid of their kids and had to think of an excuse when the police investigated.

Policeman – I’ve heard children have gone missing. Do you know anything about that?

Villager – Not me, officer. I’m innocent. It was those wolves. Pesky creatures, always wolving around.

Policeman – Wolves you say?

Villager – Oh yes. <Turns away from policeman, makes howling sound> Did you hear that? That was one! He’s probably coming right now to steal our kids.

Policeman – You’re knicked!

I didn’t spot or hear any wolves on the course.

The Balfron 10k  was undulating which is Gaelic for “hilly as f**k”. It’s an out and back course along a B road. The first 3k was mostly downhill which meant the last 3k was mostly uphill. The weather was great (warm and sunny) and their was approximately 600 runners.

I started near the front as I’d noticed a left turn 100m after the start. I don’t know why races start with a turn so soon. It always causes a bottleneck.

I started well and felt good. The course was quite narrow in places but there wasn’t any issues with people getting in the way. My aim was to get as close to 45min as possible so I was pleased to just beat that. Especially considering how ‘undulating’ it was.

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