Find Part 1 here

I will start by saying that I had no intention of jumping off the world’s highest bungee bridge. We were driving across South Africa blissfully unaware that such a thing as the world’s highest bridge bungee existed when we drove round a corner, saw a bridge across a deep gorge, saw a sign offering the chance to jump of it and we thought “fek that, I’m not jmping off that!” and drove on…

Only to turn around 10 minutes later on the basis that “when will we ever be here again? Never, that’s when, so we should just do it!”

So, we did, even though I hate heights, hate flying and hate the very thought of bungee jumping.

We were lucky, or unlucky, as it was mid-week and they could let us jump straight away. I say jump but, as you’ll see from the video below, I didn’t jump. In fact, I can reveal now that this was less a bungee jump and more a case of attempted murder. I was pushed off the bridge! I didn’t volunteer, I was shoved in the back and made to fly against my will!

My wife on the other hand practically ran up and jumped it faster than an Olympic long jumper.

“Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,” she screamed in excitement.

“WWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaattttttt ttttttttthhhheeeee ffffffffffuuuuuuuuucccccccccc……” I screamed.

And screamed again when the bungee reached it’s limit and pulled me back up like a human yo-yo.

Which it did again and again as I never realised that because the cord is elastic you keep bouncing back and forth and dropping again and again, each time worse than the last because each time you know is the time you will die. You were just lucky the first time that the cord didn’t snap. But can you be lucky twice? Three times? You can’t be lucky four times, this time you’re going to die?

“WWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaattttttt ttttttttthhhheeeee ffffffffffuuuuuuuuucccccccccc……” I scream again.

Until, finally, the bouncing stops and I’m left staring at the rocks below and with a new found belief in the Lord Almighty, who must have surely heard my cries even as far away as Heaven.

I hated every single second of it and I will never do it again.But if this sounds like something you want to do then, when the world opens up, here everything you need to know about it: https://www.faceadrenalin.com

But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

While clearing the attic I found a box of homemade DVDs left by the previous owner, one of which was marked in red ink: ‘Max’s Stag’.

I’d watch ‘Max’s Stag’ if it wasn’t the case that finding old home movies in the attic is the exact plot of Sinister and, tonight, after watching it, I’ll be dragged to hell by the demon Baghuul.

Who records a stag and then burns a DVD for everyone? What kind of stag do was it?

Steve: “I brought the handcuffs.”

Michael: “I brought the blow up doll.”

Max – “Lol, very good guys, you’re just trying to make me nervous.”

Bob – “Just wait to see who we hired for the pub crawl! It’s a surprise but if you’ve ever seen the Wizard of Oz then you’ll know who we’ve got…. we got a midget dressed as a munchkin!”

Max – “You guys are the best! Now, Jamie, what did you bring?”

Jamie – “Well, I thought I’d bring my camcorder so we could record the whole event and maybe we could sit down one weekend with a cup of tea and a chocolate Club biscuit to watch it again.”

Everyone – “Yay!”

Part of me wonders if the previous owner is desperate to find this DVD. Maybe they’d left it in the attic because it was never meant to be found? Maybe they’d wanted to take it away with them because what happened on Max’s stag was meant to stay on Max’s stag, including the location of the shallow grave they dug to bury the hooker. Maybe the previous owner woke up in a cold sweat a few months after moving and thought: “FFS, did I leave the evidence in the attic!”

Or maybe that’s what Baghuul wants us to think to tempt us to watch the DVD? Maybe this is just an elaborate set up to unleash Satan? If so, perhaps it’s better to just smash it with a hammer and not bring about the apocalypse.

Also I don’t have a DVD player so there is that too.

I might as well be trying to watch Betamax than try and watch a DVD. Instead, if I want to watch an old video I need to turn to YouTube. Which, as far as I know, will not summon Beelzebub.

However, finding the DVD reminded me that I last watched a DVD 10 years ago when I uploaded a video to YouTube so that I wouldn’t lose it if something happened to the DVD itself. I wasn’t on Max’s Stag though, I was jumping from Bloukarans Bridge in South Africa. Luckily I had a bungee cord wrapped around me as otherwise I wouldn’t be able to tell you my tale next week when I share the story of what happened when I tried to jump off the highest bridge bungee in the world.

To be continued….