TwinBikeRun cover photo montage of Andrew and Iain Todd

TwinBikeRun

Andrew and Iain Todd write about endurance sport, football and the everyday absurdity of life. Twin brothers, occasional triathletes, and authors of six books between them.

  • The Sound of Football: Dunfermline Athletic (Andrew)

    Every fortnight we cover the best and worst football songs from every club in the UK from our book ‘The Sound Of Football: Every Club, Every Song’. You can buy it here

    Dunfermline Athletic

    Nickname: The Pars

    Ground: East End Park

    Stadium Capacity: 11,480

    Song: Into The Valley

    Dunfermline Athletic run out at East End Park to The Skids song ‘Into The Valley’, Which has also been used by Charlton Athletic and, for a brief time, Bradford City when it was in the Premier League.

    The Skids were formed in 1977 in Dunfermline. The band’s (now sadly passed on) Stuart Adamson went on to form Big Country, while another founding member, Richard Jobson, went on to become a noted TV presenter, producer, and filmmaker. Into The Valley was their biggest hit – and what a hit it was. Fast, thrilling, exciting, no wonder Dunfermline fans adopted it – it was the exact opposite of a Saturday afternoon at East End Park.

    The song does have a local connection. While Richard Jobson has said that the song was about a friend killed on a tour of duty in Northern Ireland and the recruitment of Scottish youths by the army, Dunfermline fans believe that the song refers to High Valleyfield, an area near Dunfermline known locally as ‘The Valley’.

    The club is nicknamed the Pars, and one theory about why it has this name is that it was short for ‘paralytic’. The players were meant to be renowned for their drinking, so they were called the Paralytics, shortened to Pars.

    In recent years, fans have needed a strong drink. Financial problems led to relegation from the top-flight, while subsequent administration and another relegation to the second division followed, after the team was docked points. In July 2013, a fan-led consortium rescued the club after it looked like it might have been the next club to go out of business.

    Since the 1950s, fans have left Eastend Park after the game to the sound of Jimmy Shand and his band’s ‘The Bluebell Polka’. The track was Jimmy Shand’s biggest hit, getting into the Top 20, becoming the first (and only) Scottish traditional dance band to have a top 40 hit. It was produced by George Martin, who produced all The Beatles’ albums. 

     
    Jimmy Shand had an eventful life. He was born near Dunfermline, in East Wemyss in Fife. He was a miner who got blacklisted from working in the mines due to playing benefit gigs for striking miners. As a musician in the fifties, he’d release a record a month and was the first person to do proper tours up and down the UK, laying down the blueprint for the rock bands of the 60s. As far as we can tell, the club adopted the song following its chart success and, just like Crystal Palace and Liverpool, chart success has led to terrace longevity.

    Buy the Sound of Football from Amazon.

  • Film Friday – The 2023 Barkley Marathon (Andrew)

    Film Friday is a weekly recommendation of one video to watch this weekend.

    No one has completed the Barkley marathon in the last five years. It’s one of the world’s hardest races, and every time someone completes it, they make it even harder the following year. Does anyone complete it, this year? This documentary is a good video of one first timers attempt at the marathon.

  • Devil of the Highlands Ultra Race (Andrew)

    I had two goals this year: Celtman Solo in June and the Devil of the Highlands ultra race in August. Until April, I thought my training was going well for DOTH, but then I injured my foot – more here – before I also got a chest infection just as I was getting ready to start running again. Between illness and injury I managed to run only six times between Easter and taking part in Celtman Solo in June. And six runs do not make a good training programme for an ultra marathon. So, I have had to pull out of this year’s race.

    I’m not disappointed, just realistic. Like admitting I’m not going to play for Scotland. Or stand on the moon. Or tie my shoelaces properly. You know things that I could feasibly do but I’ve not shown any likelihood of doing so far.

    I need to run 42 miles. I can currently run 10 miles, at a push. And ,unless the other 32 miles are downhill…

    [Checks map, shakes head]

    … which they’re not.

    Then pulling out was the only option.

  • Guide to Attending the Grand National (Andrew)

    “He doesn’t use a saddle,” she said, pointing at her husband riding a stallion in a field, “he controls the stallion with his bum – and the saddle would only get in the way.”

    “He controls the horse with his bum?!?” I asked skeptically.

    “I don’t get it myself,” she said, “but he’s the greatest rider I’ve ever known and he says his bum can tell him what the horse will do, before the horse even thinks to do it.”

    The woman I was talking to was a horse trainer and I was taking a horse riding lesson. She had over 60 horses so I assumed she knew what she was doing – but clearly not as well as her husband, the Bum Ranger. 

    While she didn’t teach me how to control a horse with my posterior, I can confirm that, for me, riding a horse was less about telling the horse what to do and more about holding on and accepting that it will go in the direction it wants to go in. 

    I wasn’t a good rider, though Mrs TwinBikeRun has kept up the lessons and has become decent, even though she uses an old-fashioned saddle and reigns and not a buttock.

    As she loves horse riding, we decided to visit the Grand National, to see ‘real’ horse riding in action. Neither of us had been to horse racing before so I thought it was worth sharing a guide to how to get there and what to do while you’re there.

    (And while this year’s race was notable for the animal rights protests, I’ll keep away from the politics of jump horse racing here. This is purely a practical guide to getting around.)

    What is the Grand National?

    I know the Grand National more as that thing that race that always causes someone to start a sweepstake in the office. It’s nicknamed the People’s Race but it should really be called the Office Sweepstake Race as, for most people, that’s all it is: a sweepstake to win £50 and beat Kevin from Accounting.

    In-person, the race is not just one race but a series of races over three days culminating in the Grand National race itself on Saturday evening. 

    Where is it held?

    Aintree, near Liverpool.

    How do you get tickets?

    Ticket sales start almost as soon as the race finishes. There are different categories. We bought tickets for West Tip, which is a covered stand. On the day, we didn’t need to use the tickets as it was a nice day and we could find good places to stand next to the race barriers but it was good to know that if it had rained, we would have been able to sit in the stand and remain dry.

    How did you get there?

    We struggled to get accommodation in Liverpool and stayed in Manchester instead. From there, it’s around 45 minutes by train to Liverpool Lime Street station and then only a few minutes walk to Liverpool Central station to change train for Aintree. 

    Where there long queues?

    Not really. Everything is slick and we were on the train within 10 minutes of arriving at the station and, on the way back, we were heading away from Aintree within 20 minutes of joining the queue. Trains run every 7 minutes during the race and for a few hours after it.

    What did you do at the racecourse?

    First, we binned all our drugs. 😊

    Then we alternated watching the races with checking out the parade ground and placing bets. Due to the number of people at the race course, it’s slow going to move around so leave plenty of time to see everything.

    There were a number of good places to watch the race, with options to stand at the barrier near to the jumps. There are also screens for watching the parts of the race you can’t see from the pavilions. 

    Do you have to dress up?

    There’s no dress code so you can wear what you want. I wore jeans and a jumper and looked like a hardcore gambler because there’s eight main types of people at Aintree.

    • The young team dressed in polyester too tight suits
    • The stable set in tweeds and riding boots 
    • The country set in tweeds and flat caps
    • The peaky blinder set in polyester suits and flat caps
    • The evening dress girls
    • The barely dressed girls
    • The women with the hat they bought for weddings – and race courses.
    • And a small number of men (and they were all men) in jeans, a jacket and their head buried in a copy of the Racing Post.

    Since I had jeans and a jacket I was a newspaper away from being a hardcore gambler. 

    What was the food and drink like?

    Lots of food vans, loads of bars and prices were not extortiate (though not cheap either). We didn’t buy as we arrived at 1:30 and left at 6 so had already had lunch so I don’t know about quality.

    How easy is it to place a bet?

    Very. There’s loads of bookies lining the racetrack. If you know what you’re doing, I’m sure there’s loads of options, but for us, we just placed £2.50 on X to win. You got a slip and, if you win, you take the slip back and they paid you in cash straight away. 

    And did you win?

    Yep!

    Overall

    Politics aside, if you’re thinking of going, then go. It’s good fun, plenty to do, and it’ll give you plenty of chances to see whether a top jockey can also control a thoroughbred with his bahookie.

  • The Sound of Football: Dundee United (Andrew)

    Every fortnight we cover the best and worst football songs from every club in the UK from our book ‘The Sound Of Football: Every Club, Every Song’. You can buy it here

    Dundee United

    Nickname: The Terrors (and not The Arabs (see below))

    Ground: Tannadice Park

    Stadium Capacity: 14,229

    Song: Love Is In The Air

    For the 2014 Scottish Cup final, then Dundee United player, Ryan Gauld, was treated to a special version on an old classic. ‘Gauld’, sung to the tune of ‘Gold’ by Spandau Ballet, was designed to inspire the Tangerines — and their midfielder — for the cup final against St Johnstone. Sadly, it didn’t work. St Johnstone won, and Gauld left Tannadice soon after in a move to Sporting Lisbon.

    It’s sad that the song didn’t catch on as it was another cup final anthem – ‘Love Is In The Air’ that came to define United.

    ‘Love is in the Air’ has been sung at Tannadice for nearly 20 years. It’s commonly thought to have been adopted by fans during the Scandinavian invasion of the 90s when the club acquired a clutch of players from Norway and Sweden. Back then, in honour of Swedish striker Kjell Olofsson, it was sung as ‘Olof’s in the Air’.

    The song achieved tipping point and unofficial anthem status after Dundee United’s famous 1 – 0 victory in the Scottish cup final over Rangers in 1994 – Dundee United’s first ever Scottish cup triumph. And fans – known as Arabs – have been singing it ever since.

    Arabs is a strange nickname as the club was originally set up for Irish immigrants. In 1909, a group of immigrants, led by bicycle dealer Pat Reilly, decided to form a new club – then called Dundee Hibernian – as a focus for the local Irish community. It chose an area of Dundee at Clepington Park as a ground for the new club. Pat had one problem. Clepington Park was already used by local side Dundee Wanderers. Undeterred, Pat had a quick word with the landlord and, after agreeing a higher rent, Wanderers was told to live up to its name, and find a new home.

    Wanderers was livid. It had been based at Clepinton Park for 19 years only to be evicted by a club with no history, no place in any league and, at this point, no manager. Though Pat Reilly sorted that out too by appointing… Pat Reilly.

    In a final act of (understandable) spite, before Wanderers left Clepington Park it dismantled a grandstand and wooden changing rooms along with the fencing which enclosed the ground. Wanderers even removed the goalposts so that all that was left was a grass field. In return, Pat Reilly, changed the name of the ground/field to Tannadice Park (named after the nearest street and entrance to the ground) so that no trace of Wanderers remained.

    Today, there are few traces of Dundee United’s Irish origin. The name was changed from Hibernian to United in 1923 and the original green colours were changed first to black and white and then to its current tangerine orange. 

    While no one knows exactly how the fans got their nickname as the Arabs, the most common reason given is that in the 1960s, after a particularly icy spell, United hired a tar burner to melt the ice on the pitch. However, tar doesn’t just melt ice, it also burnt all the grass beneath.

    Undaunted by a lack of a playing surface, United ordered several lorry-loads of sand, spread it around, painted some lines on it, and played several games before the grass grew back. When the team started winning on this unconventional surface it was described as having taken to it like Arabs.

    The name stuck and even after the grass returned, Dundee United’s fans started to dress up for big games and cup final appearances. Hence the fans are now ‘the Arabs’ and not the team – and why in Scotland you’ll find Arabs singing a Nordic inspired song.

    Buy the Sound of Football from Amazon.

  • Photos June/July (Andrew)

  • Celtman 2024

    I’m part of a lottery syndicate at work. We don’t win much but what we do win we put aside and spend on a Christmas lunch for everyone. Some years it covers the starters, others it’ll cover a turkey and all the trimmings. We have never had a year when it’s covered a bottle of champagne to celebrate, we’ve never been big winners.

    But, other that that, I’ve never won anything. No spot the ball contests, church raffles or multi million pound payouts. Nothing, that’s all I’ve got, until last week.

    And what did I win?

    Pain. And suffering.

    Which are not prizes anyone wants to win. A speedboat is a great prize. Money is a great prize. No one enters a competition and hopes to get hurt. Except me.

    Everyone who takes part in the Celtman Solo Point Five race is automatically entered into a draw* for the opportunity to enter the Celtman full race next year. 25 places are available and a random draw takes place after the race to offer 25 entrants a place in Celtman. And I won.

    Or lost.

    Because now I have a year to train for Celtman and to try again and win a blue or white t-shirt through 4k of swimming, 120 miles of riding and a marathon over a mountain.

    And yet the losers of this competition get to put their feet up.

    It doesn’t seem fair! 🙂

    But, Andrew TwinBikeRun, you say, you don’t have accept the place. It’s not compulsory.

    That’s true, but where would be the fun in that?!?

    Celtman 2024 entered!

    *The draw was conducted by ChatGPT and the AI selected 25 people randomly from the Solo Point Five entrant list. I’m glad the organisers used ChatGPT and not GlasgowGPT as the very sweaty Glasgow AI describes Celtman as this:

  • Outdoor Swim Review – Loch Ard – July 2023 (Iain)

    Loch Ard is considered to be the source of the river forth . The river flows nearly 50km into the North Sea near Edinburgh. Which means you could attempt to swim from Loch Ard all the way to Scotland’s capitol. I only had enough time to swim for 10 minutes. Edinburgh will have to wait!

    You can either swim at the start of the Loch (if you are coming from Aberfoyle) as there are a couple of parking spots and easy access to the shore or you can drive to Kinlochard and park at the village hall.

    There is lots of parking at the hall but the gate is always locked. Which I think symbolically represents how the locals feel about people visiting.

    I normally park on the road beside the hall. It can get very busy here so expect to have a bit of trouble parking close to the shore if the weather is good.

    The entry point is an old boat dock. Its very shallow here. I can walk out about 50 meters before the water goes over my head.

    There is occasionally blue/green algae here but its pretty rare.

    The water was nearly 20C as there had ben allot sunshine lately.

    Ease of Access:

    Rating: 2 out of 5.

    It can be very busy at the weekend so get there early or park further away and then walk/bike to the start.

    Water quality:

    Rating: 5 out of 5.

    The water is pretty clear for a loch. The west end is pretty sheltered so there aren’t many waves even on a windy day

    Swim Quality:

    Rating: 4 out of 5.

    A good place to swim but it can be very busy so don’t expect to have it to yourself.

    Other People:

    Rating: 1 out of 5.

    It can be very busy.

    Would I go back: 

    It is good for beginners and it is a great starting point for people who want to try outdoor swimming.

  • The Sound of Football: Dundee (Andrew)

    Every fortnight we cover the best and worst football songs from every club in the UK from our book ‘The Sound Of Football: Every Club, Every Song’. You can buy it here

    Dundee

    Nickname: The Dark Blues

    Ground: Dens Park

    Stadium Capacity: 11,506

    Song: Up Wi’ The Bonnets

    In 2008, Scottish comedy legend, and Glasgow born comedian, Billy Connolly, caused controversy when he claimed in The Scotsman newspaper that people from Edinburgh were just not funny.

    I don’t know why. I think it’s about immigration, because I don’t find Edinburgh people all that funny,” he said. “They’re very interesting and nice, but you wouldn’t point to funny as being one of their features.” 

    Billy must have been deliberately provocative because as a stand-up and folk singer in the sixties and seventies he would have shared stages with one of the greats of Scottish comedy, an Edinburgh comic called Hector Nicol. And he would have thanked Hector, because, without Hector, Billy would not have had a stand-up act – Nicol was one of the first comics to introduce blue material to his routines.

    Hector wasn’t just famous as a comic, he was also an actor and, before his death in 1985, he was a regular on Scottish screens in the soap series Take The High Road, which was like a Scottish Emmerdale Farm, or Emmerdale Croft. But Nicol’s lasting legacy was not his jokes or his performances but his songs. Hector was a prolific song writer for football clubs.

    For Hibernian he wrote ‘Glory Glory To The Hibees’, a song and tune ‘borrowed’ by Manchester United today, for Hearts he wrote ‘The Hearts Song’. He also wrote ‘The Terrors of Tannadice’ for Dundee United and ‘Up Wi’ The Bonnets’ for Dundee.

    Ironically, Nicol, despite his east coast home, was actually a fan of St Mirren, based in the west coast in Paisley, the town where he was born – though he never, as far as we know, wrote a song for them.

    ‘Up Wi’ The Bonnets’ sings of the pride fans feel at watching the players play in its traditional blue shirts.

    You can sing of your glories of teams you have seen,

    like the Saints and the Dons up in old Aberdeen,

    but in all this wide world there’s just one team for me,

    that’s the brave(bold) boys who wear the dark blue of Dundee

    (Source: Hector Nicol)

    But although Dundee’s best days are behind it, as the 21st Century has seen the club yo-yo between the SPL and the lower leagues while battling financial problems, its greatest moment came in 1961 when Bob Shankley (brother of Liverpool’s Bill) led Dundee to its one and only league title. The title winning team is commemorated in the final verse and is remembered before every home game as the team walk out to Nicol’s song:

    For there’s Robertson, Penman and Alan Gilzean,

    with Cousins and Smith there the finest you’ve seen,

    a defence that is steady heroic and sure,

    Liney, Hamilton, Cox, Seith and Wishart and Ure

    (Source: Hector Nicol) 

    Buy the Sound of Football from Amazon.

  • Film Friday – Average Joe Versus Celtman Solo Point Five (Iain)

    Film Friday is a weekly recommendation of one video to watch this weekend.

    Check out how I got on at the Celtman Solo Point Five race.