Every fortnight we cover the best and worst football songs from every club in the UK from our book ‘The Sound Of Football: Every Club, Every Song’. You can buy it here
Barnet
Nickname: The Hillmen
Ground: The Hive
Stadium Capacity: 6,500
Song: The Celery Song
A trawl through Barnet’s classic chants unearths another version of the famous football chant known as the ‘Celery Song.’ The song is derived from a nineteenth-century music hall song, ‘Ask Old Brown.’ The lyrics were:
“Ask old brown for tea
and all the family
if he don’t come
we’ll tickle his bum
with a lump of celery.”
(Source: unknown)
‘Ask Old Brown’ became a football song after Chas Hodges (one half of Chas & Dave) recorded it in 1981. Micky Greenaway, a famous Chelsea fan (see Chelsea for more on Greenaway), is said to have picked up the cassette version during a Chelsea tour of Sweden in 1981. He played it over and over and the song transferred to the terraces, and at Barnet became:
“My old mans a dustman, he wears a fireman’s hat,
He’s killed ten thousand Germans, so what you think of that?
One way here, one way there, one way round the corner,
Poor old soul, with a bullet up his hole is crying out for water.
Water water water, water came at last
I don’t want your water, so stick it up you’re a***
Come for tea, with all your family,
If your s*** don’t come, tickle up your bum, with a stick of celery.
Celery, Celery, if your s*** don’t come, tickle up your bum, with a stick of celery“
(Source: fan chant)
But while their chant is not unique and versions of the Celery Song can be heard in stadiums across the country, they have a special song as their entrance song: Guns & Roses’ ‘Sweet Child O’ Mine’ – the only club in the UK to use it. Guns & Roses is an apt choice – Barnet itself is the site of one of the biggest battles in the War of the Roses.
As a challenge, I’m going to run, bike or swim every day in January.
Day Twenty One
I weighed myself yesterday. I was 0.4 kg lighter than the start of the month. I’d like to say this small difference was a result of the challenge but I think it’s more to do with the fact I’ve stopped eating cake for breakfast this week.
It was my daughter’s birthday two weeks ago and we ordered a cake. In the photos it looked great, a double tier cake with a bear holding balloons. In person, it was taller that the Empire State Building and the bear was so big he’d have scared a grizzly.
I’ve been eating cake ever since. Cake for breakfast, cake for lunch, cake for dinner. It tasted delicious but it would have had to have been thrown out if I’d not eaten it quickly. So, every meal had to have a pudding course.
This week, the cake was finished and I’ve just had normal meals. The 0.4kg is just cake leaving the body.
It would be interesting to know if 31 days of exercise can have a substantial difference to your weight but I think I’ve spoiled that experiment by incorporating gluttony into my diet this month.
How was it? Some wee complaints: a pain in the ball of my foot when I landed, tightness around my knees, heavy feet but all cleared up as I ran and I wasn’t sure whether they were a result of not resting for 21 days or just standard ‘warm up’ pains. Other than that, another nice day meant it was a unseasonably warm run for January and my blesses gripe was wearing too many layers (a nice complaint to have!).
As a challenge, I’m going to run, bike or swim every day in January.
Day Twenty
I like all the Zwift maps except for one: New York. I don’t know why I don’t like it. I love London because it reminds me of living there and running around many of the streets it covers. Yet, despite loving New York, I don’t get the same nostalgic feeling of “I’ve been there”. Maybe it’s the floating sky bridge, which, as far as I can remember (it’s been 15 years since I was in New York), doesn’t actually float above Central Park. Maybe it’s new?
So, one of my favourite things about Zwift is the ability to chose worlds so that I can avoid New York when it appears. And, for day twenty, I could choose a tour of Japan instead of Manhattan or risk the icy pavements and roads of Glasgow. Hopefully, one day, I’ll get to see these Japanese roads in real life too. And, a floating sky bridge. Which, if it’s going to be anywhere, is sure to be somewhere in the Far East.
How was it? All good. Still feeling slightly lethargic but I was looking forward to 45 minutes of spinning my legs so while I might be fatigued I’m still keen to take on the challenge.
As a challenge, I’m going to run, bike or swim every day in January.
Day Nineteen
The hardest day. Not in effort. But in trying to find the time to fit anything in. I have work, after work meetings, a dog to walk and a toddler to entertain so the only choice was to try and fit a swim in before work. I could have got up earlier but this is a challenge to run, bike or swim every day and not a challenge to get up early in the morning. That would be mental! 🙂
How was it? Still tired but my pace shows that it’s not through physical effort, as while I felt tired I was still keeping a decent pace for me, but rather the mental fatigue of 19 days in a row. Today’s swim was helped by having water leaking into my goggles and having to stop at the end of a length to adjust them. I soon lost track of how many laps I had swam and ended up swimming 1k when I thought I was at 750m.
As a challenge, I’m going to run, bike or swim every day in January.
Day Eighteen
My pace was good but the first few minutes were a struggle. After the first couple of minutes I thought the only way to get through it was to start exploring new streets, and a few minutes after that I thought “why no start running every street in Larbert?” and now I’m running every street in Larbert.
The effort to work out where I was and what streets I had to cover meant I forgot that I really didn’t want to be running. But now I have to run every street because I can’t stop now I’ve started. While I may have won the battle with my psyche I have now lost the war as while I competed today’s five miles, I now have many, many more to do in order to run every street.
How was it? Physically I felt fine, strong even, but I had to really push myself to start. The mental fatigue is getting stronger as my body says “this is good” while my mind says “can I get a break?!?”
As a challenge, I’m going to run, bike or swim every day in January.
Day Seventeen
When Mark Beaumont cycled the world in less than 80 days he had umpteen ‘Garmins’ to ensure he didn’t miss a single minute or mile. If one failed then another would be recording so he wouldn’t lose the record just because he forgot to press start after stopping for a comfort break.
For this challenge, I don’t have the Guinness Book of World Records checking my figures so you’ll just have to trust me when I say I swan an extra 750m. Honest. I did. Even if my watch said zero because I forgot to press start…
How was it? A swim is as good as a rest. Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself as I gear up for week 3.
As a challenge, I’m going to run, bike or swim every day in January.
Day Sixteen
Thanks to Jon Bon Jovi we all know what to say when we’re halfway there – “Woah, we’re half way there!”
Still feeling tired but another good sleep through a Denzel Washington film – this time The Tragedy Of MacBeth – and I felt more refreshed this morning. To celebrate a fantastic clear day I decided to run in the countryside and park at Busby High School and take a circular route through some of the farm roads on the edge of Glasgow. Now, just another 15 days to go.
How was it? Great weather makes all the difference. The first couple of miles were heavy but the combination of sunshine, cold weather and no breeze made it ideal running conditions .
As a challenge, I’m going to run, bike or swim every day in January.
Day Fifteen
Almost halfway and it’s taken to today to realise that my 31 day challenge should say “As a challenge, I’m going to run, bike or swim AND WRITE A DAILY BLOG POST every day in January.”
Today’s blog post is brought to by the letter “T” for tired. Last night I fell asleep while watch the film Training Day, which was an apt title to watch in the middle of this challenge. I felt sleepy before I started watching the film but I can’t solely blame days one to fourteen for the tiredness building up. The film was more overcooked than a egg left to boil for 24 hours and contained more ham in Denzil Washington’s performance than Porky Pig eating Bernard Matthew’s pork pie.
This morning was no better. Still tired. A persistent fatigue rather than the one off ache of recovery from a previous days effort. But, 16 days still to go… back to it.
How was it? Once I started, it was fine. Good even. But as soon I finished I felt more tired than when I started rather than invigorated by post exercise endorphins. Luckily my wife was trying to learn to make popcorn so for the rest of the afternoon I’ve had fresh popcorn every 30 minutes as she tries to perfect how to make it. Who needs a recovery shake when you’ve got fresh popcorn?
As a challenge, I’m going to run, bike or swim every day in January.
Day Fourteen
An important lesson today. If you own an electric bike, don’t leave the battery part of it in a cold shed and expect it to work in the morning. I was ready to cycle to the pool to swim before work but, when I tried to switch on the bike, the battery flashed on then immediately switched off. Only 20 minutes of resting it against a radiator got it started again, but, by then, it was too late to swim before work. Instead, an after-work swim and a reminder to tuck my battery away at night with a hot water bottle if I want to use the bike first thing when it’s likely to be cold outside.
How was it? Instead of a swim, I went for an extended ride home after realising eight hours too late that… an electric bike is still a bike even if the batter doesn’t work! I could still ride it! D’oh! So, as I only had between 430 and 530 to do anything I switched the battery off and went to the Westend to try and climb the Clyde Tunnel on a small folding electric bike. What did I find? Blimey, Nora, jings, help ma boab, if you want to get thighs like Chris Hoy then trying to climb a hill with few gears and a large battery pack is the exercise for you. It was very tempting to switch it back on…
Every fortnight we cover the best and worst football songs from every club in the UK from our book ‘The Sound Of Football: Every Club, Every Song’. You can buy it here
Ayr United
Nickname: The Honest Men
Ground: Somerset Park
Stadium Capacity: 10,185
Song: Back In Black
Before Lionel Messi, there was Jimmy Smith.
World-famous ex-Barcelona striker Lionel Messi holds the record for most goals scored in La Liga. However, less well-known Ayr United striker, Jimmy Smith, has the UK record for most goals scored in a single season. In 1927/1928, he scored 66 times in just 38 games. To put this into perspective, this is more goals in one season than most Ayr United squads have managed in the last 25 years. Two decades of underachievement has meant that Ayr is now a solid if unspectacular side that has found its level in the first and second division. Yet, 25 years ago, the future of the club could have taken a very different path.
In 1988 Edinburgh businessman, David Murray offered to buy the team. Murray was a rugby man, but he wanted to use his wealth to own and run a football club. Controversially his bid was rejected by a vote of Ayr’s shareholders. It was said that the shareholders had been influenced by Ayr United’s then-current manager, Ally McLeod, who had threatened to quit if Murray was successful.
Ally was an Ayr legend. He’d led the club into the First Division and the inaugural Premier League. His side had defeated Rangers in front of Somerset Park’s record crowd, and he’d led the club to the semi-finals of both the League and Scottish Cup. A feat that saw him voted Ayr’s Citizen of the Year in 1973.
But, for most football fans, Ally is remembered for only one thing: Scotland’s ill-fated 1978 World Cup campaign.
Ally was a naturally animated character, so his confidence and enthusiasm proved infectious. After Scotland defeated England 2 – 1 at Wembley in 1977, the nation believed that not only would World Cup success follow, so would the trophy itself. Scotland was going to win the World Cup!
This self-belief was so strong even the official World Cup single, ‘Ally’s Tartan Army,’ sings of the team’s triumph. When Ally was asked what he would do after the World Cup, he said, “retain it.“. The song was just as optimistic. Its chorus sang: “we’ll shake ’em up when we win the World Cup.” Note: it doesn’t say “if” the team won it. Instead, it sang of “when” Scotland would win it.
The tournament was a disaster. An opening draw with Iran followed an opening defeat to Peru. To qualify, Scotland needed to win by at least four goals against its final opponents, Holland, but, despite scoring one of the World Cup’s greatest goals – Archie Gemmell’s celebrated individual strike – they could only win 3 – 2. It was not enough, and Ally’s tournament was over.
By 1985 Ally Macleod was on his third spell as manager of Ayr. His voice carried a lot of weight. When Ally said “no” to David Murray, the shareholders listened and rejected the offer.
After his bid was rejected, David Murray invested in Rangers instead, helping them win nine titles in a row, and coming within one game of the European Cup final.
Ayr, on the other hand, struggled. Ally managed to win the second division title before leaving the club for the last time in 1989, but subsequent managers have not managed to reach the same heights. A recent highlight was reaching the semi-finals of the League Cup in 2012. However, a 1 – 0 defeat to local rivals Kilmarnock and subsequent relegation from the first division later that year meant that the campaign was unsuccessful.
Ayr does have a musical claim to fame. Scottish rock band Biffy Clyro has claimed that it is named after a footballer who played for Ayr United. However, as Somerset Park has never seen a Mr. Biffy Clyro, the band has also claimed they got their name after a Finnish footballer from the 17th century and a Welsh astronaut who had tried to become the first man on the moon, this may be another tall tale.
Ayr United walk out to ‘Back In Black’ by AC/DC. This is not a reference to its financial position: it’s always been in the red ever since rejecting David Murray.
Twin brothers swimming, cycling and running in Scotland 