All posts by Andy Todd

The Sound of Football: AFC Bournemouth (Andrew)

Every fortnight we cover the best and worst football songs from every club in the UK from our book ‘The Sound Of Football: Every Club, Every Song’. You can buy it here

AFC Bournemouth

Nickname: The Cherries

Ground: Vitality Stadium

Stadium Capacity: 9,287

Song: Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond

The club’s official name is AFC Bournemouth. It should appear at the front of any alphabetical list of English clubs. However, this order is often ignored, and clubs like Barnsley, Birmingham, Blackburn, Blackpool, and Bolton are listed first. We have chosen to list them by AFC so that it’s in front of Arsenal and Aston Villa – at least until those clubs, like a crafty tradesperson looking to get a higher listing, change their names to AAArsenal and AAAston Villa.

Musically, Bournemouth doesn’t deserve a high position on our list. The club doesn’t have a significant song to call its own – though not through lack of trying, most recently by looking for inspiration from across the Atlantic. 

The baseball team, the Boston Red Sox, plays Neil Diamond’s classic ‘Sweet Caroline’ during every game at their stadium, Fenway Park. The sing-along song has become such a Fenway staple that the Red Sox mutes the sound for parts as fans know the lyrics off by heart.

Neil Diamond’s song was inspired by a photograph of Caroline Kennedy, daughter of US President John F Kennedy, that the singer saw in a magazine while staying at a hotel in Memphis*. Diamond wrote the song in an hour; it changed his life. He reignited his career and sold a million copies in the US.

Today, ‘Sweet Caroline’ is in every Boston bar, and it doesn’t matter if the Red Sox are winning, hurting, triumphant, or reeling when you’re down, and you sing it; it will lift you up. It’s Boston’s theme song. But not Bournemouth’s song, no matter how many times played it before kick-off.

This is not the first time a song has failed to connect with fans. Even a song written for the club couldn’t connect. 

In the early 1970s, the club would play  ‘Up The Cherries,’ an original song, when the team ran out at the start of matches. The song borrowed the club’s nickname – The Cherries – for its title. It was a nickname based on both the club’s cherry red striped shirts and the cherry orchards that once stood near its ground. However, surprise, surprise, it never caught on with supporters. 

It is the same story for one of the Bournemouth’s cup final songs. In 2003, the song ‘Go South,’ a reworking of the Village People’s ‘Go West’, was released before the Division 3 play-off final against Lincoln City. The song predicted the Bournemouth would win – and it was right. Bournemouth was a comfortable winner, beating Lincoln 5 – 2 and setting a record for the highest number of goals scored in a play-off final. Yet, even then, despite soundtracking this big victory, the song didn’t catch on. 

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Outdoor Swim Review – Loch Awe (Andrew)

If you want to know Scotland’s most popular lay-by (excluding any featured in late night Channel 5 documentaries) then the lay-by next to Ben Cruachan in Argull must be among the leading contenders for the top stop.

Ben Cruachan is the highest mountain in Argyll. From the top, on a clear day you can see all the way from Northern Ireland in the west to Ben Nevis in the Highlands. Yet, for such a popular mountain, it only has a lay-by for around five cars at the start of the walk. If you want to climb then you normally have to park at Cruachan power station and visitor centre, around half a mile down the road.

When we got there in early September, we were lucky, we’d arrived early and got the last place. But if you really want to bag a space then you need to do what the car in front of us did. Put your backseat dow, convert your boot into a mattress and sleep the night in the back of your car.

If you want to know Scotland’s second busiest car park then you don’t need to go far to find it. Aproximately a mile down the road towards Tyndrum there is another lay-by with great access to Loch Awe. It has plenty of space but just be prepared for cars to pull in and out of it all day. In 30 minutes we saw four cars pull in, stop and then people getting out to admire the view of the loch, before getting back in and driving off.

So, if you love to swim with an audience then this spot is for you!

Google link to parking location: https://www.google.com/maps/place/56°23’13.1%22N+5°05’13.6%22W/@56.386968,-5.087101,17z/data=!3m1!4b1!4m4!3m3!8m2!3d56.386968!4d-5.087101!18m1!1e1?entry=ttu&g_ep=EgoyMDI2MDQyOS4wIKXMDSoASAFQAw%3D%3D

Ease of access

Very rocky so bring shoes or flip flops to get to the water’s edge.

Water Quality

Very clear.

Other people

No one swimming but you may have spectators from the lay-by!

Film Friday – First Ski Descent of K2 (Andrew)

It’s said that after Roger Bannister broke the 4 minute mile it only took a few weeks for someone to beat it again. And, by a year later, three runners ran under four minutes in a single race. Once someone does something seemingly impossible for the first time, it redefines what we think is possible. And the impossible becomes normal.

Unless you watch this video.

I cannot believe there is anyone thinking, “you know what, I want to do this too! He might be the first, but I will be the second!”.

I don’t even know why anyone would even think to ski down K2. It’s like asking someone if they’d like to Hula Hoop in a shark tank or solve crossword puzzles while being fired out of a cannon. Why would you even think to do something where clearly you are going to almost certainly die?

Anyway, this guy did it. Good on him. But you won’t catch me skiing down K2 anytime soon – even if it does become ‘normal’.

Race Report – Toddman 2021 (Andrew)

I. CANNOT. FIND. THE WORDS.

This year’s Toddman was won by a dirty, rotten, cheat. Even Lance Armstrong is saying “hey, that’s not fair!”.

Here’s what happened.

But before that: what is Toddman? I’m glad you asked. It is a triathlon race open to everyone with the surname Todd who is related to me or Iain TwinBikeRun. You can find more here and here.

This year’s race featured a new course as we changed the bike route to incorporate two iconic central Scotland climbs: Tak Me Down and the Crow Road aka Todd Me Down and the Todd Road. We also changed the run route by changing the start from Lennoxtown to Todholes aka Toddholes while keep the mid point as a climb to the summit of Mickel Bin before a downhill sprint back to Toddholes car park where the winner is the first to touch the green gate at the entrance – and, for which, they get to wear the now iconic black Peat & Diesel cycle jersey.

Last year, I won Toddman fair and square. This year, it was stolen from me!

SWIM

We both completed the swim at the same time, albeit I’d started swimming 10 minutes before him as he was trying to get some drone footage. But do I bring up the fact I was 10 minutes ahead of him and therefore finished 10 minutes earlier but had then swam an extra 10 minutes? No, because I’m a gentleman. I would never repeatedly mention that I was 10 minutes ahead of him as the end of the swim because I would expect that would be something he would acknowledge. 10 minutes is a HHHUUUUGGEEE gap. But do I mention it? No. Not me. Even though it was 10 minutes.

Anyway…

(10 minutes!)

I don’t mention it.

CYCLE

We complete the bike in the same time. I’m happy to call this a draw.

RUN

We start together. We reach the top of Mickel Bin together. We run back down together until, with a mile to go, I stop and tie my shoelace. I thought Iain would stop. I thought I could rely on him to recognise the unwritten rule that you don’t attack the leader when the leader has a mechanical.

I know this is a bike thing and not a triathlon thing but triathlons also use a bike so I’m borrowing this rule for Toddman.

And what did Iain TwinBikeRun do when I stopped to tie my shoelaces? He ran off, that’s what he did. He didn’t even hesitate. He just kept going and going until he reached the Toddholes gate and declared himself the winner.

But he’s not winner. He’s a CHEAT.

And while the general public doesn’t back me on this. A poll on the Glasgow Triathlon Club Facebook page showed 90% of members supported his claim for glory, it’s worth pointing out that people cheered when Lance Armstrong crossed the line too. But he was still a crook.

So, while Iain TwinBikeRun may think he wears ‘the Black’ and is proudly cycling round in the Toddman Jersey, I think history will be his true judge and the true winner of Toddman will be acknowledged as me!

(Also he only won by 5 mins and I was 10 minutes ahead of him after the swim, which I don’t like to mention. Even though it makes me the winner. 10 minutes!).

The Sound of Football: Accrington Stanley (Andrew)

Every fortnight we cover the best and worst football songs from every club in the UK from our book ‘The Sound Of Football: Every Club, Every Song’. You can buy it here

Accrington Stanley

Nickname: Stanley

Ground: Crown Ground (currently known as The Wham Stadium until 2021)

Stadium Capacity: 5,070

Song: On Stanley, On

Sir Walter Scott’s epic poem ‘Marmion’ describes one of Scotland’s heaviest military defeats, the battle of Flodden Field (1513). The English army routed the Scottish army after killing King James IV of Scotland.

Accrington Stanley’s song ‘On Stanley, On’ was inspired by a line in the poem.

’Charge, Chester, charge!  On, Stanley, on!’

Were the last words of Marmion.”

(Source: Marmion, Sir Walter Scott, public)

The “Stanley” referred to in the poem is Edward, the first Earl of Derby, and not the team. Instead, two journalists, Harry Crossley and Allan Lamber borrowed this line to write a song to inspire Accrington Stanley to victory against Torquay United after the club reached the third round of the FA Cup in 1953, the first time Stanley had got that far in almost 30 years. 

The song’s lyrics were published in the Accrington Observer on 12 December 1953. A version of the song, recorded by the Accrington Male Voice Choir, was played over the loudspeaker before the game. The music helped inspire Stanley to a 2 – 2 draw, though the replay saw Flodden Field recreated, as Stanley was slaughtered 5 – 1.

‘On Stanley, On’ became a popular song for supporters in the 1950s and 1960s with new versions recorded, including one by the local band Red Dawn and the Stanley Choir. However, the club itself was not so popular. It collapsed in 1966, and its current incarnation was formed in 1968. 

Stanley’s collapse and resurrection was, for many years, the most famous thing about the club. However, as it has steadily climbed the league, it has become more well-known. A fact that led to considerable angst for the band Accrington Stanley. As their lead singer, Dan O’Farrell, explained in 2013, they were counting on the club remaining obscure:

We chose [our] name in early 1986… purely because I had this ace book called The History of Football, and there was a picture of a football crowd watching an Accrington Stanley match in the 1930s… Accrington Stanley was only ever mentioned as a sad story from going bust in the 60s. It had the ring of the underdog about it. Now, [their name is] a bit of a pain, as it renders us very hard to Google or find on YouTube.

‘On Stanley On’s’ popularity has waned in recent decades. However, in May 2011, the Accrington Observer campaigned to resurrect it for a crunch play-off tie with Stevenage Borough. Reporters for the paper handed out song sheets to fans before the game. Sadly, the song couldn’t inspire the players to another famous result, Stanley lost its home game 2 – 0 and the return leg 1 – 0.

Before the game, Accrington Stanley chief executive Rob Heys told the Observer:

I’ve heard the song a few times. There is a lot of history associated with it. I am sure some of the older supporters remember it fondly, and if people were to sing it again, that would be great.”

Another link between Stanley and Flodden Field made ‘On Stanley On’ a perfect line to borrow for a football song.

King James IV of Scotland was the last British King to die on a battlefield. After the battle, his body was taken to Sheen Priory in Richmond, Surrey, where it remained until the 16th century before it disappeared – though it’s believed it’s buried underneath the fairway of the Royal Mid-Surrey Golf Club.

While the body remains missing, at least until the golf club decides to check beneath the 14th green, there’s an easy way to identify King James once found – he has no head. This is because the King’s head became detached from his body before being transported to Sheen Priory. And, legend has it, the last time anyone saw the King’s head was when a group of Elizabethan workmen found it and decided they would use it to play a game… a game of football.

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Film Friday – A Day in the Life of Jonny Brownlee (Andrew)

The YouTube summary describes this video as:

“What does a day in the life of triathlon superstar Jonny Brownlee look like? Take a look at Jonny’s triathlon training, recovery, nutrition, relaxing at home and meet the dogs in this candid and unique view into his life in Yorkshire!”

What it should say is:

“Do you want to see how Jonny Brownlee hangs his wetsuit, does his washing and how he keeps his trainers in the back of his car? Take a look at Jonny’s non-glamorous triathlon training in this candid and unique view in his life in Yorkshire!”

A very good video to show what an average day looks like for a world champion who has to keep his kit in his car just like everyone else.

Outdoor Swim Review – Harelaw and the Black Loch (Andrew)

Just because you can do it, doesn’t mean you should do it. I can, if I want, pour myself a nice bath of baked beans and spend the day soaking in Heinz’s finest. It wouldn’t be against the law to marinade myself in toot juice. It might be unusual, but, provided I did it in my own home, then no one will ever know I did it. Yet… yet… just because I can do it doesn’t mean I will ever pop into the supermarket and buy enough beans to fill a tub. 

Equally, I can walk or swim pretty much anywhere in Scotland. Right to roam laws grant everyone very wide rights to access hills and paths, lochs and rivers, regardless of who owns them. 

There are exceptions. You can walk on a golf course, but you can’t walk on a green. But, in general, unless you’re trying to walk through someone’s garden then you can go where you like. 

But just because you can do it, doesn’t mean you should do it. You may have a right to swim in a loch, but an angler too has a right to fish in it, a sailing club has a right to sail in it, and land owners do and should expect that people won’t damage their land or invade their privacy. 

There is one farmer who owns a field near a loch north of Glasgow. He’s a nice man, I’ve spoken with him a couple of times but, the only reason I’ve spoken with him, is that he comes out in his tractor to watch parking spaces to make sure no one cuts through his field to get to the loch. 

He shouldn’t have to ‘guard’ his field and protect his cattle who graze in it. He should expect that people will walk round and avoid the field. 

So, this is less a review and more a plea for tolerance. You might be able to swim in a loch but that doesn’t mean you should. And the Brother Loch and Harelaw Dam have large and active angling clubs. There are plenty of lochs in Scotland, almost as many as beans in a full bathtub, so I don’t swim at either lochs. And I would suggest that you don’t either. 

The Sound of Football: Aberdeen (Andrew)

Every fortnight we cover the best and worst football songs from every club in the UK from our book ‘The Sound Of Football: Every Club, Every Song’. You can buy it here

Nickname: The Dons

Aberdeen

Ground: Pittodrie Stadium

Stadium Capacity: 21,421

Song: The Northern Lights of Aberdeen

In 1983, Bayern Munich had a team filled with legendary players: Breitner, Augenthaler, Hoeness, and Rummenigge. Names that were as well known then as BMW or Audi today.  

Aberdeen had Mark McGhee. When he walked into a room, even his wife asked, “who are you, and why are you in my kitchen?”

When Aberdeen met Bayern Munich in the 1983 European Cup Winner’s Cup quarter-final, it should have been no contest; Bayern would win. But, after drawing the first leg in Munich 0 – 0, Pittodrie’s greatest night followed.

Bayern scored first, then Aberdeen equalised. Bayern scored again, but a well-practiced free-kick led to Alex McLeish drawing Aberdeen level. One minute later, striker John Hewitt added a third. Despite late pressure, Aberdeen held on and won the game 3 – 2.

As the referee blew the final whistle, Alex Ferguson leapt from the dugout to run onto the pitch. It was a legendary night for a legendary manager – and one followed a few months later when Aberdeen won the European Cup Winner’s Cup final 2 – 1 against Real Madrid. A victory soundtracked by the European Song – a record so popular that an initial run of 100,000 copies sold out, and more copies had to be issued to satisfy demand. 

The European Song wasn’t the cup final’s only musical legacy.  The final was one of the first matches where fans could be heard singing a chant that would dominate Eighties football:

Here we, here we, here we f*****g go!

(Source: public)

Despite his success, Sir Alex, as he would become known, is only the second most famous man to have worked at Aberdeen. We’d argue the most famous Aberdonian is former coach Donald Colman. Who, you may ask?

In the 1930s, Donald Colman had a successful career with Motherwell and Aberdeen, where he was appointed club captain and capped by Scotland three times. However, it was his post-playing career that saw him achieve football immortality

Colman loved feet, but not in a kinky way. When appointed as a coach, he persuaded the club to dig a hole at the side of the pitch. Colman would stand in it and have his head level with the player’s feet. Donald believed players needed to work constantly on their footwork, which he could see far better from his vantage point below pitch level. 

When English club Everton visited Aberdeen a few years later, it saw Donald’s ‘dugout’ and created its own at Goodison. Soon every club followed until we have the airport lounge/dugout for today’s modern pampered footballer.

If standing up was Donald’s obsession, he would have been proud that fans have adopted a chant called Stand Free. 

Stand free wherever you may be,
We are the famous Aberdeen,
We don’t give a f**k
whoever you may be,
We are the famous Aberdeen.

(Source: public)

The tune is from the Lord of the Dance and is shared with other clubs, including Hibernian (We Are Hibernian FC) and St Mirren (We’ll Go Wherever St Mirren Go). If you want a song just for Aberdeen, then you need to meet Mary Webb. But, again, you may ask, who?

Mrs. Webb was the co-songwriter behind Aberdeen’s anthem, The Northern Lights of Old Aberdeen, a song played by the club and by the city. Yet when Mrs. Webb died, nobody mentioned her passing. She was forgotten, even though her song had become the unofficial anthem of Aberdeen. 

Mary and her husband William wrote the song in the 1950s to cheer up a homesick colleague. Mary worked in London and thought the song would help a friend, Winnie Forgie. It did, and it helped thousands more. Including, as Aberdeen’s Evening Express reported in March 2019, providing comfort to sailors fighting in the Falklands conflict. One letter from a sailor to Mary said:

We are a Scottish ship, and on the evening, we were all clustered on the front end of the ship under the cold skies of San Carlos Water, waiting for the bomb to be defused, the Captain said ‘Sing!’ So we sang, and the first song that came to the lips of the most vocal member of the Ship’s company was your song, and of course everybody joined in, and it made us all feel better. “

This is the perfect song to remind us how important the sound of football is to fans. Of course, not every club wins a league or wins a cup. Not every club can be a success. But still, the fans sing, whether winning or losing, and all they can ask is for a song that makes them feel better. 

Today, the Northern Lights of Aberdeen can be heard regularly at Pittodrie – along with a few other words that we have had hide with asterisks.

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The Sound Of Football (Andrew)

Iain TwinBikeRun and I cannot be bought!

Don’t even try and send us a summer dress haul to review, a pair of Kanye Trainers to unbox, or a CBD spray to restore male baldness. Everything on TwinBikeRun is ad free and sponsor free!

(To be fair, no one has ever tried to buy us. Not even Squarespace. So our scruples have never been tested)

That means, when we recommend something you know that we are bring you our unbiased opinion unaffected by ‘The Man’. And, you can trust us when we recommend a new book: The Sound of Football – Every Club, Every Song.

Admittedly, it’s our book. We might be slightly biased, what with being the authors after all. However, you don’t have to listen to us. The New York Times said that “this is the greatest book ever written”. 

Now it may have been reviewing “The Bible” when it said that and not our book. However, the Sound of Football is also a book, and if the New York Times thought it was as good as The Bible then it would definitely be saying the same thing.

Why not judge for yourself? Over the next weeks we’ll share entries, starting this Saturday, in our new fortnightly feature – The Sound of Football.

If you want to know more, here’s the intro:

World-renowned manager Giovanni Trapattoni, one of five managers to have won league titles in four different European countries, said that listening to music makes footballers better players. 

Trapattoni said: “If you listen to Mozart, you’ll play better football, you’ll learn a lot about intervals, tempo, rhythm. You learn the logical skills you need to read a game“. 

While we don’t expect Premier League superstars to listen to Mozart’s ‘Requiem in D Minor’ as they strut off their team bus wearing designer tracksuits and oversized headphones, we do know what they’ll hear when they step on a pitch. From the moment they walk out, every tackle made, and every goal scored, they hear music from the stands: singing and chanting, screaming, and shouting. Football stadiums are alive with songs and noise as football and music arouse the same thing: passion.

Football and music don’t have a proud history: remember ‘Vindaloo’? Shudder. But it has a secret history, untold tales from terraces across the country that reflect and strengthen the links between supporters and players as voices combine to amplify the highs and the lows of what it means to be a football fan.

Yet, in March 2020, the link was broken. Stadiums lay empty after COVID-19 lockdown restrictions meant fans stayed at home. The sound of silence replaced the sound of football. For 18 months, not only could we not see our teams; we were robbed of our voice.

As fans return, it’s time to remember the songs we sing and why we sing them. It’s time to combine our voices again. And while we don’t know if listening to music makes players play better. We do know that football needs the music of the stands. And that players and fans together can rejoice again in the sound of football. 

In the following pages, we track down the stories behind the best, worst, and most off-the-wall football anthems for every club in the UK.  Each song reflects something unique about a club or fans. We have endured terrible FA cup final songs, beloved world cup singles, and some frankly obscene terrace chants to bring you club anthems, cult classics, chart-toppers, and hidden gems, and the incredible stories behind them. 

And where can I buy it?

You can buy it here: Amazon