Every fortnight we cover the best and worst football songs from every club in the UK from our book ‘The Sound Of Football: Every Club, Every Song’. You can buy it here

Arsenal

Nickname: The Gunners

Stadium: Emirates Stadium

Stadium Capacity: 60,361

Song: Good Old Arsenal

She doesn’t strike you as a Gooner. Her majesty. Queen Elizabeth II. But when ‘Gooner’ is derived from ‘Gunner’ and was bestowed on Arsenal’s original fans because they worked at a weapons factory in Woolwich, it all makes sense. So who has the biggest cannons in the world? Take a guess. And it’s not Pornhub. Nor is it the Pope. He has canons. Instead, yes, you guessed it; it’s Queen Elizabeth II, commander in chief of the armed forces and ruler of the British Empire.

It’s no surprise Her Majesty supports a team that was once a significant force but whose fortunes have been on the slide. A team that was the first to be broadcast on radio; the first to be broadcast on television; and the first to be blocked by everyone in the world after Piers Morgan banged on about them every minute of every hour of every day on Twitter. And a team who seems to think that first is what you get if you eat too much salt. Let’s just say, if Arsenal were the monarch, we’d politely say, “you’re looking well, your majesty”, and not ask how many countries she’s conquered lately.

The Queen is not the only member of the Royal Family to support Arsenal. Prince Harry is also a fan of the Gunners. We can only guess why someone who is fourth in line for the throne and moves further away with each year would be attracted to Arsenal.

Arsenal, unlike Queen Elizabeth, has a notable first (she, of course, is the second of her name). In 1971, Arsenal released a single to celebrate reaching the FA Cup final. The song was the indirect result of a competition to find a song for Arsenal which could rival Liverpool’s ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone. However, unlike that song (which we talk about later), Arsenal wanted an original song and not one borrowed from the charts. Instead, a TV competition organised by ITV tried to find a worthy song. However, none of the entries were considered right, and football pundit Jimmy Hill (who will pop up again for his musical legacy for Coventry City) asked the then Arsenal manager, Bertie Mee, for permission to write a song for the club instead. Bertie said yes, and Jimmy wrote “Good Old Arsenal” to the tune of “Rule, Britannia.” This became the first record released to be performed by a football team’s squad to commemorate the club reaching the FA Cup final. 

The Queen and Prince Harry are not the only famous fans of Arsenal. If you ask the average Gooner to name a famous fan, the Queen would not be their first choice. Arsenal fans have a more famous leader among their terraces: a man who brought more terror to the world than a ship of British boats laden with Earl Grey tea, Rich Tea biscuits, and a cargo full of bloody bayonets to stick it right up Johnny Foreigner’s foreign parts. Arsenal’s most famous fan is a deceased terrorist mastermind, Al-Qaeda leader, and professional recluse Osama Bin Laden.

As the Gooner chant goes:

“Osama, woah-woah

Osama, woah-woah

He’s hiding in Kabul

He loves the Arsenal“

(Source: fan chant)

This isn’t accurate – he was hiding in Abbottabad in Pakistan, which is not even the same country as the Afghan capital. If only Prince William (see Aston Villa) was a fan of Arsenal, he could have used his geography degree to point them in the right direction.

There are no chants about the Queen. If she is peeved at only being the second most famous Arsenal fan, she doesn’t mind. Even the Queen concedes there’s only room for two royal figures at Arsenal, and neither of them has the surname, Windsor.

There are two Kings at Arsenal. First, the team enters the Emirates Stadium to Elvis Presley’s ‘The Wonder of You,’ adopted as the club’s anthem in 2007. But, like the Emirates, the song has never caught on with fans has in recent years been replaced by ‘Lux Aeterna,’ a track from the soundtrack to the film Requiem for a Dream.

The second King, however, will never be forgotten. He is the King of Kings, Arsenal’s greatest player, Thierry Henry.

Thierry Henry is a former captain, a multiple winner of PFA and FWA Player of The Year, Arsenal’s all-time leading scorer (228 goals in all competitions), and winner of two league titles and three FA Cups. When Henry left to join Barcelona in 2007, we imagine that even Her Majesty bowed down to this King. All hail King Henry.

Buy the Sound of Football from Amazon.

Every fortnight we cover the best and worst football songs from every club in the UK from our book ‘The Sound Of Football: Every Club, Every Song’. You can buy it here

Arbroath

Nickname: The Red Lichties

Ground: Gayfield Park

Stadium Capacity: 5,940

Song: Tom Hark by The Piranhas

Arbroath was the home of Scottish singer and entertainer Andy Stewart, who lived and died in Arbroath. In 1961, Andy had a hit worldwide with his song ‘Donald Where’s Your Troosers?’ about a Scotsman wearing a kilt. If he’d been singing it in Arbroath, he’d have sung ‘Donald Where’s Your Longjohns?’ The Red Lichties play matches at Gayfield Park, next to the sea. As a result, it’s exposed to the shifting, strong and bitterly cold North Sea winds. This creates problems for visiting teams as the ball can get caught in the strong wind, confusing attacking players and goalies coming for crosses.

Like Grimsby Town, the fans like to sing ‘We Only Sing When We’re Fishing’:

“We only sing when we’re fishing!

We only sing when we’re fiiiiiiiishing!

We only sing when we’re fishing!

sing when we’re fishing!“

(Source: terrace chant)

And, whenever a goal is scored at Gayfield, the stadium tannoy plays ‘Tom Hark’ by The Piranhas.

The song was initially recorded in 1953 by Elias And His Zig Zag Jive Flutes and is based on “Kwela,” the traditional South African folk music (see Burnley for another origin tale).

The Piranhas’ saxophonist Phil Collis discovered the song in his mum’s record collection and persuaded the band to do a version. Phil wrote the lyrics as the group travelled in the back of a van from their hometown of Brighton to a recording studio in London.

“The original was an instrumental, so we brought it up to date with some lyrics,” says Phil. “I could say the words were deep and meaningful, but they don’t mean much. I scribbled them on an envelope in about an hour.“

The song itself is 2 minutes 45 seconds long. If the club had played it to celebrate every goal in 1855, it would have been played for 85 minutes during Arbroath’s most famous victory. A victory that took place the same day as another famous match.

On Saturday, 12 September 1885, Dundee Harp played Aberdeen Rovers in the first round of the Scottish Cup. The result made football history as Harp beat its Aberdeen rivals 35 – 0. But, what was thought to be the biggest ever victory, only lasted a few short hours.

Dundee Harp had an Irish player, Tom O’Kane, who lived in Arbroath. After the game, he sent a telegram home to wind up his friends and boast of his achievement. But, unknown to Tom, that very afternoon, Arbroath had gone one better. The rampant home team handed out a 36-0 thrashing to Bon Accord.

To make matters worse, Dundee Harp had scored more than 35 goals. The referee had noted at least 37, but as he was unsure of the exact total, he discussed it with O’Kane, and they agreed that the ref would tell the football league that the score was 35 – 0. Not knowing the tally was so important, O’Kane was happy to take the lower figure until he heard back from Arbroath.

At first, he thought their response was a joke, that Arbroath couldn’t possibly have scored one more goal at the same time as Dundee Harp was creating a new record. However, when Tom arrived back in Arbroath, he realised the truth – Arbroath had set a new record for the highest winning margin in football, a record that still stands to this day.

Even if Harp’s original 37 – 0 scoreline had been allowed to stand, there is evidence to suggest that Arbroath may still have beaten it. Many years later, the referee of the Bon Accord game, Dave Stormont, admitted in a newspaper article that he’d disallowed seven legitimate Arbroath goals, and the score should have been 43-0.

If it’s any consolation to Tom, the Dundee Harp game still officially holds the record for the game with the second-highest winning margin. And if they’d play Tom Hark, fans would have heard it for 82 minutes.

Buy the Sound of Football from Amazon.

Every fortnight we cover the best and worst football songs from every club in the UK from our book ‘The Sound Of Football: Every Club, Every Song’. You can buy it here

Annan Athletic

Nickname: Galabankies

Ground: Galabank

Stadium Capacity: 2,514

Song: Gallows Bank

Some songs celebrate success like ‘The Best’ by Glasgow Rangers; some songs celebrate glorious failure like ‘Blue Moon’ by Manchester City, but there’s only one song that warns fans about the danger of supporting their club – and that’s ‘Gallows Bank’ by Annan Athletic.

Annan is an unusual town. It lies on the border of Scotland and England and has changed sides more frequently than a pancake. During the Roman invasion of Britain, the Romans established large camps and fortifications in Annandale as a base before venturing further north. In Jacobean times, the town of Annan was fought over by noblemen in Scotland and England as the borderline become a fluid concept enforced by the lord or baron with the strongest army. In modern times, after forming in 1942, Annan Athletic has jumped between Scottish and English football.

For most of its life, Annan Athletic has been a non-league side. It started in the Dumfries and District Youth Welfare League, a league set up by local businessmen to provide games during the second world war. In 1952 the club successfully applied to take part in the Carlisle and District League by the Cumberland Football Association. This lasted until 1976, when the club decided it had better long-term prospects if it played in Scotland rather than England.

Annan started in the South of Scotland league and won every competition. It then showed the same level of ruthlessness that saw the club leave England – it moved to play in the East of Scotland league as the standard of teams was higher. This ambition continued through the 80s and 90s, and by 2000 the club was applying to play in the Scottish football league when expansion meant two new clubs could join. It was unsuccessful, but, in 2007, after Gretna was liquidated, another space opened up, and Annan became the latest member of the Scottish football league.

Annan has yet to clinch promotion from League Two. Still, given the ambition it has shown in the last 50 years, it probably won’t be long before it wins the Scottish Premier League and then successfully apply to move back to England win the Premiership title too.

Despite its growing reputation, Annan’s official song ‘Gallows Bank’ is the dark tale of a fan waiting to be hanged just because he was wearing an Annan top.

“I am an Annan Athletic Fan,

They say this day that I must hang,

For I wear the black and gold,

And the secret I have told,

I am an Annan Athletic Fan.

So when you hang me, hang me high,

That I might see before I die,

Those Annandale Hills and that famous Solway Turf

And I see again the Hogle Brae.

EXECUTIONER! EXECUTIONER! EXECUTIONER!“

(Source: unknown)

Buy the Sound of Football from Amazon.

Every fortnight we cover the best and worst football songs from every club in the UK from our book ‘The Sound Of Football: Every Club, Every Song’. You can buy it here

Alloa Athletic

Nickname: The Wasps

Ground: Recreation Park

Stadium Capacity: 3,100

Song: The Boys In Black & Gold by The Utopians

Just like Albion Rovers, Alloa has used The A-Team theme song when walking onto the pitch – though we think it has missed a trick by not renaming it – just like the French, who renamed The A-Team as the All Risks Agency (L’agence Tous Risque). However, the French didn’t stop there. They also added new lyrics to the music and turned it into a full-blown soft rock song. A-Team leader Colonel ‘Hannibal’ Smith may have loved it “when a plan comes together,” but when the plan involves an iconic 80s TV show and a cheap rip-off Charles Aznavour singing, even he will baulk at the result. So, maybe Alloa is right to just call on the A-Team even if we all know that they should have renamed the song as the AA-Team. 

Our favourite song for Alloa’s is ‘The Boys In Black & Gold’ (the team colours) by The Utopians. The band was founded in Leicester in 2007 by frontman Jason Westall and guitarist James Shaw. They didn’t last long, and their Facebook page consists of only a handful of entries. The second last one from 2010 promises “that work has begun on a record which is arguably ‘more important than the New Testament,'” which shows while they may have lacked success, they didn’t lack ambition.

The band toured in January 2008 to support the release of its debut single ‘There’s a Train,’ which gained good reviews and Radio One airplay. ‘The Boys In Black & Gold’ was released as a B-side, and the band was invited to Recreation Park. The club’s website confirms that the song was played before kick-off, halftime, and after the final whistle.

It’s appropriate that the song was a B-Side as, while many clubs are known as perennial runners-up, Alloa Athletic has made a career out of coming second. It holds the record for finishing runners-up in the third tier of Scottish football a record eight times, most recently in 2012/2013 when Alloa clinched promotion to the First Division via a play-off.

Many clubs hate playing Alloa Athletic, not because of a fearsome reputation, but rather because its pitch is artificial turf. However, this had one benefit – in 2010, Alloa was the only club in the country to play football after a cold snap meant every other Scottish game was postponed due to freezing weather conditions.

One of its greatest players was Willie Crilley, affectionately known as “wee Willie Crilley,” “Electric Spark,” and also “The Mighty Atom,” a free scoring striker who played for Alloa in the 1920s and was considered to be one of the best strikers in the league. He still holds the record for the most goals scored by an Alloa player in a single season.

Willie’s nickname was not ironic. At best, he measured 5 foot 3 inches, but some records say he was smaller. He was so small that even the club’s official history recounts an apocryphal story that during one game, he ran with the ball between an opponents’ legs before scoring. He subsequently joined Celtic, but his heart was with Alloa, and he only lasted a few months before returning.

Injury meant his career was, ahem, cut short, and he emigrated to the United States to start a new life. He played for several US clubs but, after marrying a US girl and taking American citizenship, a dream return to Alloa was foiled by immigration. In 1929, Willie had returned to Scotland to re-joining Alloa, but as he was a US citizen, he was deported back to America before playing for the club.

In 1934 he returned to Scotland for a final time to try and re-join his beloved Alloa but time and injuries meant he was not the player he once was, and the club’s directors turned down his offer to play.

If Willie had played today every time, he scored he would have heard ‘Live is Life’, the 1985 hit by Austrian pop group Opus. 

‘Live is Life,’ often misconstrued as ‘Life is Life,’ was recorded live at Opus’s 11th-anniversary gig at Oberwart Stadium in Austria. This live version of the tune immediately shot to number one in the Austrian charts, and as 1985 dawned, the hit went global. While Opus is often considered one-hit wonders, they’d started in 1973, and, in Austria, they continued to release hits, including a tune for the Austrian national team for the 1998 World Cup. ‘Viva Austria’ sold thirty thousand copies, although sadly, the Austrian team didn’t fare quite so well after being knocked out in the first round.

‘Live Is Life’ has been adopted by several sports as an anthem, particularly in Europe, and in 1994 Opus released a new version for the World Cup that year, held in Willie’s adopted homeland, the United States.

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