All posts by Andy Todd

The Sound of Football: Barnsley (Andrew)

Every fortnight we cover the best and worst football songs from every club in the UK from our book ‘The Sound Of Football: Every Club, Every Song’. You can buy it here

Barnsley

Nickname: The Reds

Ground: Oakwell

Stadium Capacity: 23,287

Song: Cocoon

Barnsley has spent more seasons in the second tier of English football than any other club. In the 1996/97 season, Barnsley reached the top level of English football for the first time in its history. A song was released to celebrate the occasion called ‘Up & Up.’ Unfortunately, it should be called ‘Up & Down’ as the club was relegated the following season.

Its solitary year in the top division saw the signing of Macedonian international striker Georgi Hristov. Hristov was signed to help Barnsley score on the pitch, but he had trouble scoring off it. In an interview with a Belgrade sports magazine, he said:

I’m finding it difficult to find a girlfriend in Barnsley, or indeed settle into a decent way of life. The local girls are far uglier than the ones back in Belgrade or Skopje, the capital of Macedonia, where I come from. Our women are much prettier. Besides, they don’t drink as much beer as the Barnsley girls.”

This prompted the response from the Barnsley fans that “Barnsley women are the prettiest in the country,” which country was never confirmed.

Hristov would have known which town had the prettiest girls if he’d carried out some basic research before joining Barnsley – or he could have just watched the telly. For years, ITV filmed a show inside northern nightclubs called The Hitman and Her and hosted by northern soul expert, pop producer, model railway enthusiast Pete Waterman (The Hitman), and ex-children’s TV presenter Michaela Strachan (Her).

Each week The Hitman and Her broadcast live from a club in the north of England. If Hristov had tuned in, he would have seen what the women of Barnsley looked like on a Saturday night. First, though, he would have discovered another connection to Barnsley: the club plays The Hitman and Her’s theme tune – ‘Cocoon’ by Timerider – when players run out at the start of games.

(The song also features in the 80s Britflick The Fruit Machine, which wasn’t half as good as its proposed sequel and prequel The Time Machine or its porn version: The Sex Machine.)

The song has become derided in recent years, but older fans still remember it fondly for soundtracking their promotion in 1997.

One song that Hristov would have known while at Barnsley was the town’s official anthem. It’s called ‘The Barnsley Anthem.’ It remembers the mining struggles of poverty in Barnsley in the early 20th century. Families were so poor that they were forced to hide in their cellars from threatening bailiffs. So why would he know the song? Well, after his comments about Barnsley women, he’d need to know the best place to hide on a Saturday night.

We’re all dahn in t’ cellar-‘oil where muck slarts on t’ winders,

We’ve used all us coil up and we’re reight dahn to t’ cinders;

If bum-bailiff comes ‘e’ll never finnd us,

Cos we’re all dahn in t’ cellar-‘oil where muck slarts on t’ winders.

(Source: trad.)

Buy the Sound of Football from Amazon.

31 Day Challenge – Day 31 (Andrew)

As a challenge, I’m going to run, bike or swim every day in January.

Day Thirty One

Even on the highest setting of my electric bike, the cycle to the pool felt tough. To put this in to perspective, I was feeling beat, even with battery assistance powerful enough to get a 100kg bike and rider up to 16 mph. But with a swim first thing, and no time to thing about backing out, as I needed to get to the pool to get to work afterwards, I got up and was out the door within 30 minutes. By 31 minutes I was dreaming of adding a second battery pack to the bike…

How was it? Tired legs, tired arms. I could tell it was going to be a struggle as I couldn’t get into a breathing rhythm as I was turning in the water. Pooh sticks thrown off a bridge show more skill in the water than I did this morning. I was very glad to finish the swim and, with it, the challenge.

31 Day Challenge – Day 30 (Andrew)

As a challenge, I’m going to run, bike or swim every day in January.

Day Thirty

Well, that was stupid.

Before we started running I gave my car key to Iain TwinBikeRun to keep in his car. “We don’t need both keys,” I thought, “I can just pick it up at the end from his car.”

Except, halfway round, I checked the time and thought I wouldn’t have time to run up Holehead. Instead, I could take a shortcut to the finish and get home earlier. Genuis, I thought. Until I got to the car without my key. And it started to snow.

With hypothermia a real risk, as I was near zero, I’d been running or 90 minutes and my t-shirt and jacket were damp with sweat, I had no choice but to… run up Holehead and try and stay warm by staying active. I also thought I might encounter Iain coming back down but, when I was three quarters of the way up I had the horrible thought that maybe this wasn’t the right path and I should stick closer to his car instead.

I turned back and was running laps of a few hundred metres beside his car until I could see he was coming down. I jogged to meet him and then back to the car to switch the heating on in full and drive home while being blasted by near Saharan levels of hot air.

How was it? All good, apart from the hypothermia worry. I’m not sure I would have enjoyed the route if it had been in the middle of the challenge but knowing this was the second last day and that tomorrow will involve a swim, it felt okay to push things with two climbs.

31 Day Challenge – Day 29 (Andrew)

As a challenge, I’m going to run, bike or swim every day in January.

Day Twenty Nine

The title would suggest that I was competing against one of the world’s fastest female cyclists but, instead, it was a training ride inspired by her. (There were also rides by Sir Chris Hoy and others). It’s a good thing it wasn’t a race as, if it was, I’m not sure Anna and I would be anywhere near each other other than at the start line. I’m pretty sure her idea of an all sprint and my idea of pushing for the finish line are as different as Gordon Ramsay’s idea of a quick snack and a Chicken Pot Noodle.

How was it? Feeling good going into the final two days.

31 Day Challenge – Day 28 (Andrew)

As a challenge, I’m going to run, bike or swim every day in January.

Day Twenty Eight

After yesterday’s non-effort, today I got cocky with the end of the challenge in sight. I tried a doubler: a swim and cycle. Maybe I should aim for a triathlon to finish or is that just the endorphins talking?

How was it? After twenty eight days I definitely improved my swimming as I was able to swim non-stop for 10 minutes without too much thought. My legs though have a constant heaviness that could do with a break. Roll on next week.

31 Day Challenge – Day 27 (Andrew)

As a challenge, I’m going to run, bike or swim every day in January.

Day Twenty Seven

‘The 7 Ps’ is a British Army adage for Proper Planning and Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance. I might not be at war this month but I’ve got to agree with the army as today was “Piss Poor Performance” and it was all done to a lack of “Proper Planning.”

I had aimed to swim at lunchtime but, when I checked my bag, I’d forgotten to pack my membership card. Without the card, I couldn’t swim. And, having missed the morning and with another evening of walking the dog, having tea and entertaining an infant, it was 9:30 again before I could do anything – and with it being late, it was another evening of doing the bare minimum to meet the challenge.

How was it? I’ve sweated more sitting next to a radiator than sitting on the bike tonight. I should maybe introduce a new rule to the challenge – whatever you do, it must require you to at least make as much effort to require a shower afterwards.

31 Day Challenge – Day 26 (Andrew)

As a challenge, I’m going to run, bike or swim every day in January.

Day Twenty Six

One of my worries about trying this challenge is that without rest I could be more at risk of injury. So far, apart from some minor niggles, I’ve been fine… until today…

You’ve probably heard of parkour, where you combine running with jumping and climbing. You may have seen James Bond demonstrate it by running up a crane in Casino Royale. It looks cool. People who do it are cool. It’s generally a ‘cool’ thing to do…. until you try it on a wet wall in Larbert.

I admit, I was an idiot and could have used a gate instead. But, no, I saw a low wall and thought I could jump on it and keep running without stopping for the gate.

I jumped. I planted my foot on the top of the wall. I thought how cool must I look to the three smokers watching from under a nearby tree and then…

… the wall was wet, my trainers have no grip, and I was somersaulting along the ground having tripped and stumbled and tumbled.

“Are you okay?” someone asked.

I leapt up and kept running.

“Aye, all okay!” I shouted.

But I couldn’t help thinking I was no longer cool as no one looks cool with a bloody knee and a large mud patch on their bum.

How was it? I forgot my running jacket so had to run in just a t-shirt, which was brave for January. Trying to keep warm in the first miles distracted me from thinking about the running, while carrying on my new challenge to run every street in Larbert kept me distracted for the rest of the run.

31 Day Challenge – Day 25 (Andrew)

As a challenge, I’m going to run, bike or swim every day in January.

Day Twenty Five

This week I read ‘Ultramarathon Man: Confessions of an All-Night Runner’ by Dean Karnazes,  an American ultramarathon runner. In his book, Dean talks about how he became known for no just running ultramarathons but running further and longer than anyone thought possible including 200 miles non-stop as he competed in, to what to everyone else was, a relay race, but for Dean a 50 hour non-stop solo run.

And what is the secret of running such long distances? I’m not spoiling the book to say that the secret can be found in Nike – “just do it”. If you want to run 10 miles, just do it. If you want to run 50 miles, just do it. And if you want to run 200 miles, then just, you know it by now, do it!

So, to yesterday and the fact I has to “just do it.” Yesterday was a challenge. I couldn’t do anything first thing as I had to drive to Larbert, I could do anything at lunch as I had a meeting, I couldn’t do anything after work as I need to drive straight home. And I couldn’t do anything when I got home as I had dinner, an infant, a dog and a wife who had to work until 9:30pm. That left my only choice: start at 9:30.

I didn’t want to do it. I thought about stopping the challenge as the idea of doing anything that late made me think it would disrupt my sleep. I hate exercising after 8 as it throws me out. However, Dean Karnazes came to mind and I thought I need to forgot about my objections and “just do it.”

How was it? I can’t say this was the hardest exercise I’ve undertaken this month. I need to go fast enough to make it feel I was doing more than just sitting, but not fast enough that I would release so many endorphins I’d still be awake to see the sun rise tomorrow morning.