“Do you need a yoga mat?” asked the yoga teacher.

“Yes thanks,” I replied.

The yoga teacher got one from his cupboard.

Before he handed it to me he uses the end of it it to move a dead mouse along the floor to a corner of the room.

He then hands me my yoga mouse mat ‘shovel’. India is simultaneously spiritual and practical.

The yoga teacher is a middle aged man in a leather jacket and scarf. He doesn’t remove the leather jacket until half way through the practice. The scarf lasts until near the end.

He has a nice manner and a gentle voice. “We will begin with 15 minutes of mediation. Lie down on your mat and concentrate on the silence”

The silence is swiftly broken by the crazy frog ringtone of the teachers mobile phone.

A minute later his phone goes ping then shortly after that it rings, then later it gives off a weird cosmic sound. By the end of the 15 minutes I’ve only managed to meditate about his ringtones.

Again it shows the simultaneous spiritual and practical side of India. Yes meditate but don’t miss out on any important messages.

We continue by doing some hip opening exercises. he says “Sit on the floor cross legged. Then rock you legs like they’re a butterfly’s wing. Fly from flower to flower, pretty butterfly.” My hips are very tight. My butterfly crashed.

He then says “Close your eyes and put your fingers on your ears then make a noise like a Bumblebee. Buzzzzzzzzz!” I follow his instructions. After a few buzzzzzzes I realize the flaw in the plan. Having my fingers in my ears and my eyes closed mean I can’t see or hear when to stop. I open one eye. Everyone else is watching me. I hope I wasn’t the only one doing the exercise!

He says we will finish off by chanting with “ohm” five times. He only does four. His mobile phone goes off and he has to answer it.

He ends by saying “Nothing is permanent.” I think to myself “Nothing is permanent unless its his phone being switched on.”