No Sweat Running (Andrew)

Prince Andrew doesn’t sweat, and I believe him because I too don’t sweat. At least not between October and April.

Don’t get me wrong, I do sweat. I sit in a sauna and recreate the Victoria falls. But, for six months of the year, it’s really difficult to sweat in Scotland because it’s too cold. As soon as temperature drops, unless I’ve got more layers than a James Bond villain, I can go out for a run and come back completely dry.

Sweating is meant to help cool you do. That’s why we do it. It regulates our internal temperature so we don’t overheat. But, in Glasgow, in winter, there’s no danger of that.

Instead, it would be so much easier if Charles Darwin was right and evolution had helped Scottish athletes evolve into a cross between a runner and a Calor gas heaters. I don’t need to sweat while running, I need to turn the gas up to avoid my hands turning blue and doing a good impression of the Na’vi of Avatar.

I know I can put on running tights, and gloves, a hat and a jacket. But that would just involve becoming half man half wardrobe. I want heat, not a catwalk.

I must admit though I do enjoy the days I can go running and not break a sweat as, when I get back, I can think “Do I really need a shower?” and skip it when I pass the sniff test.

You know the ‘sniff test’, don’t you? Everyone does it. A quick sniff of the armpit and, if you smell nothing, then no shower is required. (Never try this test with your feet, you’ll never leave the shower).

April though is when the weather changes and sweating returns. It’s as much a sign of Spring as new lambs, Easter eggs and forgetting your alarm clock automatically adjusts your clock and putting it forward an hour manually only to lose two hours (or is that just me?).

But even though sweating shows that temperatures are rising and the sun is shining, I do miss the winter months of being able to go for a run without having to shower as soon I get home.

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