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31 Days of… Lunch – Day Three (Andrew)

For the last three years I’ve used January to try and learn something new. Three years ago it was to try 31 days of exercise, two years ago it was 31 days of stretching, last year it was 31 days of learning to play the piano and this year it’s 31 days of… lunch.

My aim is try something different each day but. by something different, I don’t actually mean something completely different as that would be a waste of food. So, for today, I decided that since it was four days since I bought my bread, it was time to switch to toast as it was starting to become stale.

I love toast. In fact, if given a choice, I would sooner have toast than bread. Bread is soft. Toast is solid. Yet, if cooked right, it can also be soft in the inside. The perfect toast has all the advantages of bread but with added rigidity. Like the difference between a canvas tent and a bus shelter. Both keep you dry but there is just something more reassuring about something which doesn’t flop when you stand it upright.

So, for today’s lunch, a very similar to day one:

Bread: a few days old Italian bloomer from Newlands Bakery but TOASTED!

Filling: Tuna Chunks in Spring Water from Morrisons, Hellman’s Mayonnaise and a couple of spoonfuls of capers.

Taste: Spot on. And better than day one as the soft tuna mayonnaise is now caged in the toast.

31 Days of… Lunch – Day Two (Andrew)

For the last three years I’ve used January to try and learn something new. Three years ago it was to try 31 days of exercise, two years ago it was 31 days of stretching, last year it was 31 days of learning to play the piano and this year it’s 31 days of… lunch.

What is a sandwich? Does it have to have bread? But what about rolls? Or wraps? Are they sandwiches?

According to the Oxford English Dictionary a sandwich is:

“an item of food consisting of two pieces of bread with a filling between them, eaten as a light meal.”

I like the use of the phase “eaten as a light meal”.

First, it suggests that a sandwich eaten as a substantial meal, perhaps by swapping out ham with an entire roasted pig, is not a sandwich. You can have too much sandwich to be a sandwich.

Second, it does need to be eaten too. Making a sandwich for fun or art or as a prop is not a sandwich. So, when Patrick Stewart starred in MacBeth and made a sandwich halfway through the performance, was it a sandwich if it was made for a sonnet and not lunch?

Today, I ask this question as I had a sandwich consisting of last night’s left over guacamole (made with avocado, chilli, tomatoes and limes) and some savoury biscuits found in the cupboard. While I realise this was not a conventional sandwich, it did have two ‘sides’ and a filling so met the basic visual image of a sandwich. I also ate it and didn’t use it to murder Duncan in his sleep.

Bread: a very dense form of bread, called a butter biscuit…

Filling: homemade guacamole.

Taste: The biscuit made a better scoop than a traditional tortilla chip and the guacamole was still tasty despite a night in the fridge. I give this an improvised 8.5/10.

31 Days of… Lunch – Day One (Andrew)

For the last three years I’ve used January to try and learn something new. Three years ago it was to try 31 days of exercise, two years ago it was 31 days of stretching, last year it was 31 days of learning to play the piano and this year it’s going to be 31 days of… lunch.

I love lunch. Especially when I’m at work. My favourite lunch was when I worked as a porter in Stornoway Hospital and my lunch was taken at 3am in the morning. That’s when I worked night shift and would sleep most of the day and have lunch at night, and always the same thing: two rolls and cheese, a can of coke and a mars bar. And crucially, a newspaper, which I would read back to front, from sport to news.

For half and hour I wasn’t in an empty, dark hospital where I could walk the corridors and not see anyone for hours at a time. I was having lunch. I was at Celtic Park. I was anywhere but at work.

Even now, when I have lunch, I’m not at work, I’m at lunch. I don’t look at email. I don’t work. I read the news, I read about Scottish football. The only thing that has changed is that I don’t eat a Mars Bar, I have a yoghurt because it’s healthier. Or at least I think it is. I bet if I check it’s probably has just as much sugar as a Mars Bar. (But I’m not going to check).

But, for this year’s 31 day challenge, I’m going to try and change more about my lunch. I still love a roll and cheese. However, I’m going to try and introduce more variety (no, I’m not going to start reading TMZ instead if Celtic Quick News) and try different different fillings, different rolls… maybe even different lunches completely. Hello, sushi.

So, for the next 31 days, TwinBikeRun is becoming TwinBikeLunch.

And, today, we start with an old favourite. the Tuna Mayonnaise sandwich.

Bread: a couple of days old Italian bloomer from Newlands Bakery.

Filling: Tuna Chunks in Spring Water from Morrisons, Hellman’s Mayonnaise and a couple of spoonfuls of capers.

I’m not sure why I started adding capers to tuna mayonnaise I think I had it in a cafe and liked it so started doing it at home. I don’t always add it, just when I remember to buy capers. Because, really, who buys capers every week?

Taste: Spot on. Can’t go wrong with a classic.

Books 2024 (Andrew)

I’ve only read 150 pages of a 1000 page book but I already know it will be my book of the year. I’m currently reading Lonesome Dove, which won a Pulitzer Prize in 1986 and, despite it being a Western, which is a genre I’ve never read before, it is easily the best and easiest book I’ve read all year. Characters feel instantly real, the story catches you straight away, and the author has complete control as he swaps between different characters so you always know who’s point of view you’re following, and each feels different from the next.

So, for book of the year, I give it to the first 150 pages of Lonesome Dove, because even if the next 850 pages are dire, those first 150 pages are better than anything else I read this year. (But I’m assuming as a Pulitzer Prize winning book, it doesn’t fall off a cliff on page 200).

Like last year I aimed to read 26 books and managed to read 43, including a couple of 1000 page plus books (fantasy writer, Brandon Sanderson responsible for writing a chapter when a paragraph would do) and a couple that were barely a hundred pages (Catch The Latch, an autobiography about horse racing and The Great Gatsby, which is a classic I’d never read).

My favourites though were:

Oscar Wars – An entertaining history of Oscar winners and losers

The Warhammer Black Library – Easy to read sci-fi that comes with 231 sequels. It may take some time to read all of them…

Truss at 10 – Best political book I read this year, that gradually builds each failure of the Liz Truss premiership until her resignation becomes inevitable

The Wager – listen to this on audiobook. The true story of a British ship marooned in South America with cannabalism, murder, castaways and more cannabalism.

Great Uncle Harry – Michael Palin’s biography of his great uncle who died in WW1. Fascinating.

Garth Marenghi’s Terrortome – a made up trilogy of books by a bad horror writer featuring an entire chapter about how to make love to a typewriter. Very funny. If typewriter trysts are your thing.

Whalefail – a boy gets swallowed by a whale and has to escape. After reading this, I now know exactly what to do if Moby Dick gets peckish.

Watford Forever – the parallel story of Graeme Taylor and Elton John at Watford in the 1970s. Best sport book I read.

Indoor Swim Review: Grangemouth Leisure Centre (Andrew)

Marty McFly in Back to the Future travelled back 30 years from 1985 to 1955. If Back to the Future was made today, he would travel back in time from 2024 to 1994. If you want to do the same, you can just visit Grangemouth Swimming Pool. 

I have a colleague who lives in Elgin but works three days a week in Falkirk. They cannot sleep without a window open but when they’re in Falkirk: 

“All I get is freaky dreams,” they say.

“Why is that?” I ask. 

“Grangemouth,” they say. “It’s the fumes from the refinery.”

In the shadow of the refinery, you’ll find Grangemouth Leisure Centre. It’s a 1980s building that looks every year of its age. When you go in, you expect a swim to still cost 50p and for you to be asked to wash your feet in a verruca bath.

Cost: £4.50 as a non-member.

Facilities: Decent size cubicle and nice and clean changing area. However the showers are right beside the pool and open to everyone so not suitable for a proper wash, only a rinsing.

Swimming pool: At bust times it has one lane open for lap swimming and the rest of the pool for recreational swimming. I’ve been there at lunchtime during the week and would rarely meet anyone else using the lane, however the rest of the pool often had pensioners and kids so wasn’t very suitable for swimmings laps.

Other facilities? I couldn’t see anything else.

Busy? 5 – 10 people during a lunchtime swim.

Recommended? If you like colourful dreams.

A Shower of Showers (Andrew)

“It’s like being washed by the gentle tears of a unicorn”.

I’m in an AirBnB near Dornoch and my wife has just had a shower in a bathroom that has a shower head the size of a computer desk.

“Is that a good thing?” I ask. 

“No,” she says, “the water has all the force of a falling feather. It feels like having a shower in a mist. Even a man lost in the desert would struggle to call what comes out of that shower “water”.

This is what happens when style trumps practical plumbing. A massive showerhead in the ceiling may look stylish, but if you don’t have the water pressure to back it up, it has all the force of a threat from the Beano’s Walter Soft.

A shower is important. In fact, to many, it is essential because, without a shower, many triathletes in training would face being dumped, divorced, sacked or social isolation from anyone with a nose. 

I don’t have a shower in the office. If I want to run in then I need to run to the office, pick up my clothes and then pop into a local gym for a quick shower. And I mean quick. The showers have a timer, and no sooner have you pressed the button to switch it on than it automatically switches itself off.  I must switch on, lather, switch on, run, switch on, lather, switch on, rub, switch on rinse, switch on, rub until done. I’m guessing the gym does this to save money on hot water but it does feel like its taking it’s timing from Flash, the fastest man alive, or Scrooge McDuck, the tightest duck alive, rather than anyone who actually uses a shower. 

“How long do you shower for?” They asked.

“2 – 3 minutes,” said the average man.

“0.1 milliseconds,” said the Flash.

“New Years Day, but only I sniff under my wing and smell B.O,” says Scrooge McDuck, “otherwise it can wait another year!”

And now I’m lucky to get even a single drop out of the shower. I don’t just ‘air dry’, I ‘air wash’. Which, to be fair to the Police Officer asked to attend the so called crime scene/shower, did look more offensive than I intended.

Last week, the showers were switched off. I went to the gym, a sign said “Please do not use the showers. Sorry, water off.”

And all I could think was “How did they know?”

I can’t remember the last time I had a bath. A shower is the athletes choice. A bath is not for water, it’s for ice. It’s for recovery, for cooling down muscles, and for storing body parts, if you also happen to be a serial killer. It’s not for washing.

Instead, I stick to showers. The more basic, the better. Hot water, decent pressure and preferably one with a door and not a shower curtain as a shower curtain is only good for two things: wrapping body parts and hiding serial killers behind.

A shower just needs to be able to wash you quickly so you can go from athlete to considerate husband/partner/wife/shared office colleague. It doesn’t need style, it just needs water, and lots of it.

Outdoor Swim Review: Inganess Bay Beach, Orkney (Andrew)

“My wife likes to swim in the sea,” said our AirBnB host.

We’d hired a house for the week next to the ocean.

“Is there any good spots for a swim nearby?” I asked.

“She likes to go the small beach at the end of the road,” he said.

“Excellent,” I thought. It’s only a couple of hundred metres away and it would be great to have a swim spot so close to the house.

However, when I checked it out the next day it had a large sewage pipe coming from the shore and straight into the sea. Not sure what his wife is swimming in, but I didn’t want to take the chance!

Instead, after checking a few websites, I found that Inganess Bay, only a few minutes from Kirkwall is a nice sheltered spot and is popular with locals for swimming. In fact, when I arrived, two were already swimming. I say “two”. I mean one. The second was their dog! A woman and her dog were paddling back and forth across the bay.

When I was researching it, I didn’t know that Inganess Bay is also famous for having a wrecked boat. The Julietta was scuttled in WW2 to block the nearby Scapa Flow bay, but, when they tried to refloat it after the war, it could only be moved as far as Inganess before it sunk again. Various attempts were made to dismantle it but all failed and it’s been left to rust ever since.

REVIEW

Ease of Access: There’s a small car park next to the beach with room for 8 – 10 cars. I can imagine it hard to get a spot on a sunny day, but it was fine for late August.

Water quality: Very clear. There’s also plenty of room to swim before the beach starts to drop away.

Swim Quality: Excellent. The bay was noticeably calmer than other spots around the island that day.

Other People: Along with the other swimmer the beach seemed popular with dog walkers too.

Would I go back: Yes.

Celtman 2024 – Run (Andrew)

Transition 2A

And after eight hours on the bike. Thank you. A portaloo!

The transition is beside the car park, which makes it easier for supporters as previous year had seen the two separated and supporters having to push the bikes along roads to get back to their cars. 

There were a handful of people in transition and it was still dry and clear but with weather reports of some rain I also grabbed my waterproof jacket along with my running vest. I also used waterproof trail shoes after people had reported earlier in the week that the first section was quite boggy. 

Iain offered to run the first section back to Kinlochewe, which was good as…

Kinlochewe to Transition 2B

The change from cycling to running is always tricky. You change from cycling at 15 mph or faster and then must adjust to running at a marathon pace of 6 mph (or slower).

My legs also felt heavy as we left transition so it was good to have Iain run alongside as it forced me to run more than I would have if I’d been on my own. 

The first section is along the Ben Eighe trail. Largely flat with a good trail route to follow. The route circle round and then through Kinlochewe before joining up with another path leaving Kinlochewe to the west. 

I say path. It was only a path to the extent that others had followed it. It was no more a path than Victoria Falls was a waterfall. It was mud. Just mud.

Iain stopped at this point so didn’t see the worst parts of the path but for the for the next 5 km I tried to move as fast as I could but it was only just faster than walking pace. Every step was an attempt to find solid ground, or at least ground that didn’t swallow my foot. 

To make it worse, it started to rain heavily and I was glad that I brought my waterproof jacket. I raised my hood and kept squelching forward. 

I knew I had over three hours  to make the cut off at T2A for the low level route so time was not important. But I tried to go as fast as I could in this first section. I knew I had plenty of food at T2A and was walking the low level route so could use the last of my energy to get through this section as quickly as I could. I ran bits, power walked others and passed a few people trudging through the mud ahead of me. 

After 5 kms, the path cleared and moved to a wide fire trail leading to a very steep climb. At the top, the rain finally stopped and I was able to run down the hill and to the first support of the day. A table with some very wet biscuits and a couple of large drums of water. 

“How far to the finish?” I asked.

“About 10 kms,” they said. 

Which was longer than I thought but no more than a hour and half away even at my slowest speed. 

I continued to alternate running and walking (with the walking taking longer and longer each time) and enjoyed running along a loch and through a glen as I made my way back to the main road between Kinlochewe and Torridon. 

At the road, after about 5kms it started raining again. A deluge of raindrops bounding off the road.

I kept my head down and just thought how, in another couple of miles I would be finished this section and able to dry myself off and change into fresh clothes. 

“How far to the finish,” I asked a man walking towards me.

He looked at me like I was daft. “It’s there,” he said, “pointing 100 metres ahead”.

I must have misheard the distance before. I was expecting another couple of miles but to see the finish ahead was a relief, and, even better, looking down the road to Torridon, I could also see the skies were clearing and it would soon be dry.

“I’m there,” I thought.

Transition T2B

“But where are you?!?” I asked.

 I arrived at Transition T2B, a small car park at the base of Ben Eighe, and Iain was nowhere to be seen. There was a small canopy set up to provide some shelter for checking bags and, hurrah, another portaloo, but beyond a few supporters and athletes bustling around and getting ready to leave, there was no sign of Iain. 

“Where are you?” I phoned. 

“I’ll be there in a minute.”

Five minutes later I can see my car on the road and Iain getting out. Has there been an accident? Has something happened to his car and he’s had to be picked up by my wife?

“No, I went back to the hotel because I thought I had time to empty the car. I then thought there was no point driving back, if I could get a lift instead. As we could then avoid having to come back later to pick it up. But you were too fast!”

I didn’t feel like it. It was around 2 hours 20 minutes from T2A to T2B. Originally, I’d hoped for around two hours but that was before I knew about the mud and before I saw how tricky the first half could actually be. In the end, I was happy with my time, and, having changed clothes into hiking gear, I was dry, I was well fed, and I was ready to finish the race.

“Did anyone leave their light?”

D’oh. That was me. 

At T2B the organisers will check your bag to make sure you have all the mandatory kit. I had to take everything out, show it to the volunteer and they then confirmed I could carry on. Unfortunately, I’d not picked up my head torch when I repacked. Not that I was thinking I would need it but, knowing how bad it was last time with Iain, I knew how important it was to be prepared for the worst conditions.

T2B to finish

Ready to go. There is a short walk along the road to get to the start of the low level path. Then a steepish climb on a well worn rocky trail for a couple of miles to get to the valley that runs around the base of Ben Eighe. 

The organisers say not to confuse the low level route with an easy route. It’s not easy. And they’re right. In the rain, it’s a technical and slippy route. Even in the dry, it has plenty of climbing and is a challenging route with a couple of river crossings and some short sharp climbs even on the level floor of the valley. 

At the start of the first climb, I take out walking poles. While allowed, there is a unwritten rule to try and avoid using them.

“Remember to put them away if you’re seen by the photographer,” they joked at the briefing. But, at this stage, I knew the poles would help take some pressure off my legs and would make the last stretch easier. I had no second thoughts about using them.

My second boost was the one thing I’d been looking forward to all day. My one request for Iain was to have a cheese roll at the base of Ben Eighe. And, when he picked up the chips and cheese, he also picked up my roll. That meant that when we came to the first rise, and looked back down the hill towards T2A, a few hundred metres below. I sat down and had a picnic. An XTri picnic. An Xpicnic? And it was fantastic. Finally, some proper food, eaten at the base of a mountain, with the sun breaking through the evening clouds. I could not have asked for a better meal. 

From there, as the sun started to lower, the views along the valley were clear and bright and lifted my spirits as I contemplated the last few hours ahead. I had no doubt that I would complete Celtman. It was just a case of one foot in front of the other until it was done. 

In the opposite direction, we could see runners and supporters coming towards us. These were the athletes who had made it onto the high level route over Ben Eighe.

“Congratulations! Well done!” We said as they passed, standing aside so as not to block the paths.

I wouldn’t know what to do if I had to take part in the high route. Racing on a dangerous summit has no appeal to me. I was happy to be on the low route, but I admired all those who had made it to the high route. 

We carried on, enjoying the hike and making no attempt to run. After an hour, we were passed by another athlete from the Glasgow Triathlon Club. She’s been an hour behind me on the bike and was no overtaking us on the run. She didn’t look like she’d been out for five minutes, never mind 15 miles across the mountains, or 120 miles around the NC500. 

“I bet you’ve not had a cheese and ham roll,” I said. 

After crossing a small wooden bridge, the low level route starts to descend toward the coast. First through a forest, then past a steep gorge, then into Torridon Estate to walk about the coast road toward Torridon. I thought there would be more midges at this point but thankfully apart from a few small spots, they were largely absent. 

It was around 8pm when we could see Torridon and could see another couple of miles of waling to finish. The sky was starting to turn yellow and pink and it was a cracking night. 

“I don’t think I could have asked for better weather,” I said to Iain. 

“You could have had a hell of lot worse,” he said, clearly remembering his own race. At this point, we’d been soaked to the skin even with strong waterproofs.

“Thought maybe should have worn some suncream,”

“Eff off,” said Iain. 

As we neared Torridon we could see the athletes of the high course run along the shower as they approached the finish line with a final loop around the shore.

“Do you think we’ll be confused for the high level route?” I asked.

“What do you think?” said Iain, indicating our hiking clothes. 

“Probably not.”

As we walked through Torridon, the homes on our left, the sea on our right. I started to dismantle my walking sticks.  

“What about now?” I asked.

As a high-level runner with oak thick thighs ran passed us.

“Still no.”

“But I should run to the finish too.”

And, with the finish line in sight, an inflatable blue arch with “Celtman!” across the top, I started to run the last 25 metres. 

20 metres.

10 metres.

5 metres.

And…

“Thank you!” I say to the volunteer who offers me a Celtman beer.

“Thank you,” I say to the volunteer who takes my dobber and GPS.

And 

“Thank you,” I say to Iain.

Post race

The hall is packed. It’s warm and a queue for food stretches along three walls. But I’m finished. I’m happy. I just want to eat, get home and sleep. 

Last time we were here the hall was nearly empty and the food was terrible. I suspect, due to the terrible conditions, no one stayed as they wanted to get home to get dry. But this time the spaghetti and meatballs are delicious and there’s a great atmosphere as athletes and supporters linger. 

“I’ll call Mrs TwinBikeRun to pick us up,” I said as we finished eating.

“I’ll be there in two minutes,” She said, so we left the hall and started walking towards the hotel, thinking we’d be picked up any minutes.

10 minutes later we were almost at the next village when she pulled up.

“I thought you’d be two minutes,” I said.

“I through you’d enjoy the walk,” she said.

And she was right. I did. The walk. The run. The bike. The swim. I loved every minute of it.