Category Archives: Andrew

Andrew

Not The Alloa Half Marathon 2025 (Andrew)

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Nurseries should hand out Hazmat suits when children start. 

TwinBikeChild started nursery a month ago and I’ve been ill ever since. After twice getting a throat infection in three weeks I’ve lost more weight than a Circus strongman with amnesia. TwinBikeChild, on the other hand, just gets a runny nose every time she picks up a new bug. Children have a defence system so strong even Donald Trump wouldn’t leak it. 

As I’m ill I’ve had to miss a couple of races with the Alloa Half Marathon being the main casualty, which was a pity as it gave me no chance to find out if they’d doubled their toilet count for the 5,000 starters by bringing a second toilet to the start. See last year’s report. Hopefully, next year, they’ll have doubled it again and have four portaloos.

While I missed the race I did end up in Alloa for a children’s party which only made me wish I’d raced instead as the after-party entertainment was a mobile zoo. 

“A mobile zoo,” you say, “that sounds delightful!”

And it does. Who wouldn’t get excited about the inevitable  cuteness overload of a dozen or so four year olds being shown age appropriate animals like puppy dogs, rabbits or little pet lambs? 

“Why would you rather have ran 13 miles with a razor blade in your throat and a cough with more hacks than a 80s slasher horror film?” You might ask me.

“Because,” I’d say, “the first animal was a cockroach.”

AAAAAARGGHHHH!! 

“And”, I’d say, “the second animal was a box of meal worms.”

It wasn’s a mobile zoo, it was pest extermination.

EEEEEKKKKKK!!!

A collection of scaly scary creepy crawlies which only ended when the ‘zookeeper’ brought out a mouse and then a bright yellow snake. And all I could hope was that it not an extermination it’s just all been lunch for the snake

TwinBikeChild, of course, loved it.

Andrew, Race Report

Kirkintilloch 12.5K 2025 (Andrew)

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An early season favourite around a hilly course on the edge of Kirkintilloch and one which often sees extreme weather conditions. I’ve raced through flooded roads and torrential storms; ice and snow; and ever the beginning of an almighty storm. This year was not as extreme but there was a biting cold wind and the start line had loads of runners jumping and down, trying to keep warm. Or they must just have needed the toilet.

When I arrived to collect my race number the toilets were still on the back of a truck, and that truck was still driving along the road. Cross legged runners were looking desperate as I checked in. I daren’t look at the neighbouring field as I suspect some of the runners would be on the hunt for a tree or a bush.

I usually go to the toilet before the race but as the queue, when it did form in front of the portaloos, was long, I raced corked.

It was a few miles before my hands started to warm up. The wind cut through my fingers and I tried running faster to stay warm. I wonder if anyone has thought to hold the 100m men’s final in the North Pole. I bet, if they did, world records would tumble.

The course continues to be a tough start to the year with very few flat parts. However it is an enjoyable and scenic route through farm fields and across the M80 into Gartcosh and back. And, for all the climbs, the last 1 km is an enjoyable downhill run back to the start.

Andrew, Race Report

Nigel Barge 10K 2025 (Andrew)

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Back in 2016 I wrote a comprehensive report on the Nigel Barge 10k covering both its history and the course. This year, the weather was decent for January, and I had a chance to run it again without rain. That meant I could look up and around, without keeping my head down to avoid horizontal showers, and I could see the delights of… the Dawsholm Recycling Facility/rubbish tip.

Despite falling between two of Glasgow’s nicest suburbs, this is not a pretty race. It’s two laps of Glasgow University’s vet school and a spot to dump used sofas. It’s also very lumpy with an undulating route, run twice over to two circular laps.

Saying that, its a good race to start the year as it’s very well orgainised, has a good post race buffet and a strong (usually) sell out group of 400 runners.

Andrew

31 Days of… Lunch – Day Thirty One (plus two days) (Andrew)

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For the last three years I’ve used January to try and learn something new. Three years ago it was to try 31 days of exercise, two years ago it was 31 days of stretching, last year it was 31 days of learning to play the piano and this year it’s 31 days of… lunch.

In 31 days of lunch I had to cover this, even though it didn’t happen in January.

Today, I had afternoon tea.

AKA lunch but, because the sandwiches don’t have crusts, it’s a tea and not a lunch. Even though I had it at lunchtime.

I don’t understand the differences between Tea, High Tea and Afternoon Tea.

Mrs TwinBikeRun tried to explain it to me.

“You drink tea. You can do that anytime. Afternoon tea is a sandwich and a scone and a cake. You have that between lunch and dinner. High Tea is a cooked meal. And usually earlier than your dinner.,”

Which sounds straightforward until today we went for Afternoon Tea at a hotel at… midday. Which made it lunch. I was having lunch. I was having a sandwich then a scone then a cake. But it was still lunch. Until I spotted the sandwiches were cut into rectangle fingers and didn’t have any crusts.

“Afternoon tea is not lunch because you don’t eat crusts”, I said.

“Not quite,” said Mrs TwinBikeRun but I interrupted before she could say more.

“And a scone is not lunch,” I said, “and neither does it have a crust. And neither does a cake. Afternoon tea is just made up of things without crusts.”

“What about rolls?” She said but I already knew the answer to that.

“They’re nothing but crusts!”

So, for my final entry in this challenge I have, after 31 days, finally learned something new: it’s not lunch if it doesn’t have a crust.

Bread: But not crusts

Ingredient: Various

Taste: Like a breakthrough

Andrew

31 Days of… Lunch – Day Thirty One (Andrew)

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For the last three years I’ve used January to try and learn something new. Three years ago it was to try 31 days of exercise, two years ago it was 31 days of stretching, last year it was 31 days of learning to play the piano and this year it’s 31 days of… lunch.

And done.

Or not done as I’m going to swap this day 31 with Sunday day 33 as I’ve got an interesting lunch to discuss. So, consider this day 30 and a half and day 31 in full will follow on Sunday.

What have I learned so far though?

At first I was curious whether this would even work as a 31 day challenge. Lunch isn’t a challenge. It’s a routine. I would no more write about 31 days of going to the toilet (though there’s an idea!) than I would write about going to bed. Lunch is just lunch, isn’t it?

What I’ve learned though is that by giving just a small bit of attention to something I rarely think about I have looked at lunch in a new way. I’ve enjoyed lunch more when I think more about it. Instead of eating something because that’s what I’ve always eaten, I’ve eaten new things, even if it’s just to add a chutney or to swap a roll for a bagel – and those small changes have a big increase in the pleasure I’ve taken from it.

The second thing I’ve learned is that, without much effort, I’ve rarely repeated a lunch in 31 days. I used to think I had the same things each day. Now I know I do have a variety to what I eat and that it wasn’t difficult to eat something different each day for a month.

Finally, I learned that having a vomiting bug in the middle of a food challenge is the ultimate irony and the universe must like a good laugh. That’s why next year I’m going to start my 31 day challenge of NOT gambling. That’s right, universe, I won’t win the lottery that month. No siree, not me. I want to gamble my life savings and not receive anything in return. So, universe, please don’t think it would be really funny for me to win £100m on the Euromillions during a no gambling month – that would totally ruin my challenge!

Also, just as I finish, I spotted the following thread on Reddit by someone who could be my challenge nemesis – a man who has eaten the same sandwich every day for decades: https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/1id24iz/i_have_eaten_the_same_food_for_lunch_every_day/

Andrew

31 Days of… Lunch – Day Thirty (Andrew)

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For the last three years I’ve used January to try and learn something new. Three years ago it was to try 31 days of exercise, two years ago it was 31 days of stretching, last year it was 31 days of learning to play the piano and this year it’s 31 days of… lunch.

Last night my mum made a stew. And by stew I mean she cut up some carrots, potatoes and meat and boiled it for 12 hours until one ingredient was indistinguishable from the next and the whole thing resembled mud.

It wasn’t beautiful but it was tasty – and it was authentic. My Mum is from the Isle of Lewis and everything she cooks is genuine Hebridean cooking as it comes with a distrust of all herbs and spices, a suspicion for anything not with meat and potatoes or fish and potatoes, and it she has a downright hostility towards cooking anything rare, medium rare, medium or even well done. Heston Blumenthal may like twice cooked chips but in the Hebrides that would only be the first step. We have dozen cooked chips, just to ensure they’re fully cooked.

This approach to Hebridean cooking, learned at my mum’s table over the first 18 years of my life, is why I’m suspicious of the man who calls himself the Hebridean Baker.

I have his cookbook. The first recipe includes a melon. The second involves flash frying a tuna steak. The third is a tiramisu. None of these things were ever found on my mother’s table.

So, when Iain TwinBikeRun sent me a lunch challenge of goats cheese with pomegranate seeds “just like Granny made on the croft” I have to blame the Hebridean Baker. Granny didn’t have goat’s cheese. She didn’t have pomegranate seeds. She didn’t even have a sandwich… unless it was stewed for 10 hours and served with potatoes.

But I had it anyway. Even if it wasn’t authentic.

Bread: Toast

Ingredient: Goats cheese with pomegranate seeds

Taste: Like a Greek restaurant in Inverness

Andrew

31 Days of… Lunch – Day Twenty Nine (Andrew)

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For the last three years I’ve used January to try and learn something new. Three years ago it was to try 31 days of exercise, two years ago it was 31 days of stretching, last year it was 31 days of learning to play the piano and this year it’s 31 days of… lunch.

Before starting this challenge I made of list of new sandwiches to make and try. These included:

Tahini, feta & honey toastie

Coronation chickpea sandwich filler

And

Hummus & avocado sandwich topper

And I’ve made none of these so my challenge as I finish the month is to make at least one of them.

Today, I went from a meeting at another office to a meeting in my office and had the easy option of picking up crispy rolls and some hummus

Bread: McGee Crispy Roll

Ingredient: Hummus

Taste: Like a quick break

Andrew

31 Days of… Lunch – Day Twenty Eight (Andrew)

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For the last three years I’ve used January to try and learn something new. Three years ago it was to try 31 days of exercise, two years ago it was 31 days of stretching, last year it was 31 days of learning to play the piano and this year it’s 31 days of… lunch.

The logistics of a ‘car picnic’ are tricky. Do you have the picnic in the driver’s seat, but have the inconvenience of the steering wheel in front of you? Do you move to the passenger seat, but have the inconvenience of having to get out of the car and back into it? Or, if you’re getting out, do you sit in the back like a VIP being chauffeured round town, albeit parked?

And if you don’t know what a ‘car picnic’ is then you’ve clearly never eaten a sandwich in a car and tried to make it sound grander than it actually is.

A ‘car picnic’ is a car sandwich.

Today, I had a car sandwich.

I was in Larbert for work and had to drive to Edinburgh for a meeting at 1pm. I decided to leave early and pick up a sandwich from Sainsbury’s and to eat it before the meeting.

It’s important, when selecting a car picnic, to never ever choose a croissant. You will never know how flaky the pastry of a croissant can be until you find bits of it in your boot weeks after eating it in the driver’s seat. Croissants spread faster than TikTok.

It’s also important to decide where you sitting for the picnic, if you are on your own. If you have company, changing seats is a bit weird. But, if on your own, you have the entire car to sit. The driver’s seat is my least favourite. The wheel gets in the way of my hands bringing the sandwich to my mouth. The passenger seat gets rid of the wheel and keep the cup holder in the centre console, so is a very attractive option. But, for pure decadence, nothing beats sitting in the back seat like a chauffeured VIP. Or, as the car is static, like a chauffeured VIP’s chauffeur waiting for the VIP to come out. Luxury.

No matter where you sit, a car sandwich is always improved by thinking of it as a car picnic.

Bread: Sainsbury’s cheese and ham sandwich

Ingredient: as above

Taste: like blanket on the ground on a warm summer’s day

Andrew

31 Days of… Lunch – Day Twenty Seven (Andrew)

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For the last three years I’ve used January to try and learn something new. Three years ago it was to try 31 days of exercise, two years ago it was 31 days of stretching, last year it was 31 days of learning to play the piano and this year it’s 31 days of… lunch.

During COVID, after weeks at home, I finally snapped and bought… a toastie machine.

It had been years since I’d had a toastie and, day after day, the feeling grew that it would be reassuring and comforting to eat a toastie again. Not sure why I associate toastie sandwiches with comfort. I think it’s the satisfaction of having all the ingredients in a sealed toast pocket. It’s like a present for a sandwich. You don’t know what you’re going to get until you bite into it and open it.

But there are dangers. The toastie is not an electric blanket of a sandwich. It’s more like a hot water bottle filled with boiling hot liquid that could burn if pierced. The toastie can superheat the wrong ingredients, like tomatoes. The water in tomatoes, when sealed in the pocket, reaches boiling point and will scar your mouth when you eat into it. It’s important when eating a toastie, to choose wisely.

So, no tomatoes, no relishes or chutneys and, no soft cheeses. A brie can dissolve into liquid lava when heated by a toastie. Instead, a toastie needs chunky, solid ingredients. The kind of ingredients that offer the reassurance of concrete (though hopefully not the taster).

So, for today’s lunch, as I was at home for a GP appointment:

“Hello,” I phoned, “Can I make an appointment to see my GP”

“Yes,” said the receptionist, “and what will I tell him it’s about.”

“My ear” I said.

“Telephone appointment okay then?” She said.

“What do you think would be best for a question about hearing?”

“Ah, in person then.”

As I was at home, I got out the toastie machine and had a reassuring and comforting toastie.

Bread: White toastie

Ingredient: cheese

Taste: Like lockdown

Andrew

31 Days of… Lunch – Day Twenty Six (Andrew)

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For the last three years I’ve used January to try and learn something new. Three years ago it was to try 31 days of exercise, two years ago it was 31 days of stretching, last year it was 31 days of learning to play the piano and this year it’s 31 days of… lunch.

For several years, every Christmas, someone sends me a box containing four jars of chutney.

I don’t like chutney.

I never eat chutney.

I have never indicated in any way that I would like to receive chutney.

Yet, every year, when I open my Christmas presents, there it is. A gift box of chutney.

It’s got to the point now where I just accept it. I can’t turn round and say “I don’t like chutney”. I just say “thank you”, and then put the chutney in the cupboard until I either remember to have it (rarely) or I find it again once it’s best before date has passed and I can put it in the bin.

I could put it straight in the bin but that doesn’t feel right. That would be wasting food. Instead, I let it lie until it’s inedible and then I put it in the bin. Because that’s not wasting food? There is the possibility I might eat it. I don’t but it still remain possible.

For this challenge though I have tried this year’s chutney, first a tomato one and now an apple and cider. And both were…. alrightish. I don’t think they added much to the sandwich. The tomato one was a pale imitation of having an actual tomato and the apple one was like adding jam to a sandwich. Not unpleasant but I would no more add Lemon Curd to a cheese roll than ice cream to a lasagna.

However, as the point of the month is to learn more about lunch, I add chutney again to my lunch. But that’s where I will stop. I’m definitely not adding Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey to my dinner!

Bread: M&S soft white roll (still using since Friday)

Ingredient: Edam, sliced ham, apple & cider chutney

Taste: Like Christmas