This month we undressed our four-year-old daughter for bed and she had a thousand red pin prick spots on her chest and back. That’s when we started to Google “meningitis” and found the ‘glass test’.

The ’glass test’ is a test as to whether the spots fade when pressed. If they fade, they’re unlikely to be meningitis. If they don’t fade, it could be. To check, you use a glass as how else would you see if the spots fade when pressed? You can’t see through a stainless-steel spoon, or a wooden spatula pressed down. You need glass to see the skin when you press. 

We started with a round drinking glass, but it didn’t work as it only pressed down on the curve and didn’t cover much of the skin. 

“We need something flatter,” I suggested as we rolled the glass over our daughter’s back, and we couldn’t tell if the spots faded or not. “We need to press down on a larger area”.

“How about a microwave dish?” suggested TwinBikeWife before she brought a large clear flat overproof dish. 

“Ideal for the glass test and a pasta bake,” I say.

“Not until after it’s washed,” said TwinBikeWife. 

We pressed down with the dish and the spots appeared to fade. TwinBikeChild wriggled and kicked. The glass was cold on her skin, and no one wants to have a cold medical test and be prepped for an oven. 

“We should phone NHS 24,” said TwinBikeWife, which was a good idea. I’d tried watching YouTube videos about the glass test and they were very unclear as to what a successful test looked like. They showed unsuccessful tests. The glass being pressed down and the spots still clearly visible – and TwinBikeChild was nothing like those, but we’re not sure what success looks like. Maybe, instead of releasing videos to show what can go wrong, there could be videos of what can go right? A glass pressed down and the spots fading away? That would be handy. 

While TwinBikeChild didn’t have meningitis – and recovered the next day –  I do think there is a gap in the market for YouTube videos showing people who are not injured or ill. 

“Have you lost a leg in a car accident? Here’s a video of someone who hasn’t lost a leg. They’re doing the hopscotch. Can you do the hopscotch? If so, congratulations, you have not been auto amputated!”

“Do you have a cold? Can you breath out through your nose without producing a giant bodgey? Watch this! Sniff! See, no bogey! Lovely clear nasal passages! You don’t have a cold!”

To be honest, it could just be a video of one person saying “I don’t have scurvy” or “Brain parasites, not me!” or “Chicken pox, not with these flawless features!”, which I will do until I I’ve ticked off every in Dorland’s Pocket Medical Dictionary.

And if I do it everyday it won’t be long for the YouTube algorithm to reward my regular updates by making me the new Mr Beast, but without the accusations of exploiting children’s love of fizzy juice and sweets with substandard drinks and snacks. I will only offer responsible merchandise like see through glass casserole bowls/meningitis tests.

I think I may have found my Dragon’s Den idea…