[Sitting in the pub with folk from work, including boss]

Me: You know what’s brilliant? Last month I added some Smart Lightbulbs to the house.

Boss: What’s a smart lightbulb?

Me: It one I can control from my phone and switch the lights on and off when I’m not in!

Boss: What’s the point of that? If you’re not in you don’t need lights.

Me: Never mind that! It’s the future! Next I can switch the heating on and off.

Boss: When you’re not in.

Me: Yes!

Boss: Right…

Me: But even better…

Boss: Better than being able to heat and light an empty house?

Me: Yes! I also connected the lightbulbs to that Amazon Echo and I can control them with my voice.

Boss: So, you can now tell your empty house to switch on the bulbs and heating you don’t need?

Me: Even better – when I’m sitting on the couch and I want to watch a film in the dark I don’t need to get up. I just tell the light to switch itself off.

Boss looks unimpressed. Colleagues look unimpressed.

Me: It’s brilliant!

Boss: By the way, what was that event you did in the summer? Norway man?

Me: Norseman.

Boss: And what did that involve again?

Me: Well, that would be a three mile swim through freezing water, 112 mile cycle and a marathon up a mountain taller than Ben Nevis!

Boss: Very impressive.

Me: Thank you.

Boss: But one thing bothers me.

Me: What’s that?

Boss: You say you swam three miles through freezing water.

Me: Yes!

Boss: You rode 112 miles.

Me: And got hypothermia.

Boss: Yet… YOU CAN’T GET OFF YOUR ARSE AND SWITCH OFF A LIGHT!

Everyone laughs.

Me (thinking): I walked into that one…