[Sitting in the pub with folk from work, including boss]
Me: You know what’s brilliant? Last month I added some Smart Lightbulbs to the house.
Boss: What’s a smart lightbulb?
Me: It one I can control from my phone and switch the lights on and off when I’m not in!
Boss: What’s the point of that? If you’re not in you don’t need lights.
Me: Never mind that! It’s the future! Next I can switch the heating on and off.
Boss: When you’re not in.
Me: But even better…
Boss: Better than being able to heat and light an empty house?
Me: Yes! I also connected the lightbulbs to that Amazon Echo and I can control them with my voice.
Boss: So, you can now tell your empty house to switch on the bulbs and heating you don’t need?
Me: Even better – when I’m sitting on the couch and I want to watch a film in the dark I don’t need to get up. I just tell the light to switch itself off.
Boss looks unimpressed. Colleagues look unimpressed.
Me: It’s brilliant!
Boss: By the way, what was that event you did in the summer? Norway man?
Boss: And what did that involve again?
Me: Well, that would be a three mile swim through freezing water, 112 mile cycle and a marathon up a mountain taller than Ben Nevis!
Boss: Very impressive.
Me: Thank you.
Boss: But one thing bothers me.
Me: What’s that?
Boss: You say you swam three miles through freezing water.
Boss: You rode 112 miles.
Me: And got hypothermia.
Boss: Yet… YOU CAN’T GET OFF YOUR ARSE AND SWITCH OFF A LIGHT!
Me (thinking): I walked into that one…