What sex is your bike? Is it male, is it female?
Does it matter if you’re a man, do you think of your bike as masculine first? If you’re a woman, do you give it a girl’s name?
Cars have sex (not in a Crash type way, you know what I mean). Cars have names. I have a Mini Paceman. His name is Spaceman – and he is a he. There’s no question about that. He’s squat and brutish and acts like he could easily pass for one of the dwarves in the Hobbit. Not the mad one. Or the one who wants to get it on with her-from-Lost. One of the ones at the back. Thingamejig or Whatzizname or Gerald. One of them.
I don’t know about bikes though. Do bikes have names? Mine is a Focus Cayo Evo 4.0. Red and white. Thick bars. A bit of poser with matching saddle, tyres and handlebar tape in white. He should be a squaddie. Not one for thinking but good for going for a hundred miles in a straight line without thinking. I think ‘he’s’ a man – but, last week, as I cycled for the first time outdoors, I thought I’m not sure. Could it want to be a woman? Is it a woman? What sex is it? Could I even have a Danish Bicycle?
I’ve never given it a name. Never thought to either, which is why I stop and ask – what sex is your bike? Is it male, is it female or is it Eddie Raymayne?