I played cricket once, I think. I have to say “I think” because, until this week, I wasn’t sure if two hours standing in a field qualified as playing a game of cricket. 

I was working in London and my office had a cricket match arranged against a team from PWC, the accountants. One of my colleagues asked if I wanted to play. I said “no”. They said “we’re desperate and we know you’ve got nothing to do tonight as you just told us you had no plans” and I couldn’t argue against that.

I ended up in a taxi to a cricket club in Greenwich and, from there, to what I was told was an “absolutely vital role of standing right here, next to the boundary, and throwing the ball back if it comes near you.” It didn’t. I spent two hours standing in a corner of a field watching a game of cricket in front of me. At some point, we lost. I only knew this because everyone started to leave and headed to the clubhouse and, only when they reached it, did one man jog back and say: “sorry, I should have said, that’s the game over. We lost.”

Until now, I thought my lack of involvement meant I couldn’t say I was a cricket player.  Unless… “Do you play cricket?” People could ask me and I’d say “Absolutely. You tell me where to stand and I’ll stand with the best of them!”

I thought cricket should involve some element of skill. A fast throw, a curly bounce, a big hit. Not just the ability to stand and watch and not scratch my bum out of boredom.

Yet, it turns out that international cricket is identical to amateur cricket: you also need a man to stand as far away as possible and do nothing for hours on end. 

This was my first time watching cricket. I was lucky to win a pair of tickets in the ballot for the third day of the England v India third test at Lords cricket ground in London. I meant to check the rules of the game before going down and to bring headphones to the ground to listen to Test Match Special (which I knew was a ‘thing to do’) but having forgot to do both, I had to work out what was happening from the action itself. And what I could see was this – there was a player standing on the boundary at all times and it looked like his job was just to throw the ball back when the ball was near him (not very often) and to sign autographs, as one player did by running to the stand and back while the game was still on. 

I could do that. 

I did do that. 

I could be an international cricketer!

(Except for the bowling bit as the players who stood for hours here also appeared to be the one who were best at bowling. I can’t even throw a party, never mind an off-stump in-swinging left-hand googly).

Here’s my tips to a day at Lords:

Tickets

I entered the ballot by selecting a random stand and with no idea what the difference was between different options and seats. You should check. We had tickets in the Compton Stand (a new stand that faces the club house) however it’s top level has only a tiny cover. We were in seats that were exposed to the sun on one of the hottest days of the year. Every time a cloud passed, everyone would cheer.  But, because that only happened every hour or so, we only managed to last 60 minutes before needing to take a break by getting a drink, going for a walk round the stadium or just finding some shade and crashing for 10 minutes before going back.

Dress code?

There’s no dress code at Lords except for certain areas, but there is a general ban on fancy dress and, it turns out, on flags. A man next to us had an Indian flag which he used to cover his knees. A steward asked him to remove it. “Can I not have a flag?” The man asked. The steward said, indicating the rest of the stadium, “can you see any other flags here today?”. There were none. “Fair enough,” said the man, “but you can wave a flag at the Oval”. “Are you at the Oval?” said the sarcastic steward.

Food & Drink

We bought a hamper in advance, which we collected when we arrived. It was excellent, with snacks for breakfast, a full lunch and scones, a cake and macaroons for afternoon tea. It was also pricy, and it appears most people had brought their own food as we didn’t see anyone else with an ‘official’ hamper. 

There’s plenty of food options around the ground and plenty of bars for drinking. There’s also lots of drinks station to get water for free, though naturally these were very busy given the weather. 

We, like most people there ate and drank through the day while watching the game both on the pitch and on the big screen.

Watching the game

From our seats, which were almost as far as you could get from the action, we could see the ball most of the time. I worried beforehand that all we would see is someone’s arm and then we would hear a thwack and would have no idea where the ball was going. The faster the ball the harder it was to see but it was never a problem.

There were screens around the ground showing replays and match info, which made it easy to check what was happening once we worked out that “Ah, the asterix beside their name shows which one is batting!”

There’re breaks in the play for morning and afternoon tea along with 45 minutes for lunch. This helped break up the day and gave longer breaks away from the sun. 

Atmosphere

We thought the atmosphere was good with English and Indian fans mixed in together but a couple behind us said “typical restrained Lord’s atmosphere” at one point of the day. We had nothing to compare it against so perhaps other grounds have better ‘chat’. We enjoyed it.

Travel

Getting to and from the ground was straightforward. To get there, we went to St John’s Wood underground station, and it was just a short walk of a few hundred meters to the ground. To get away, we walked for longer (15 minutes) and went to Marylebone where there was no queue and we got on the underground straight away.

Overall

As a seasoned expert, well, as someone who knew the word “cricket” and not much more, it was an enjoyable day and one that was easy to pick up what was going on. If golf is said to be a good walk, spoiled. Then cricket is definitely a good picnic, enhanced.