For the last three years I’ve used January to try and learn something new. Three years ago it was to try 31 days of exercise, two years ago it was 31 days of stretching, last year it was 31 days of learning to play the piano and this year it’s 31 days of… lunch.

Darjeeling in India is famous for its tea. But did you know that the Darjeeling tea plantations were created in the 18th century, in part a Scotsman?

Perhaps this is not a surprise. It could only be a Scot who would think that a country where the temperature routinely hits the mid 30s was really missing a boiling hot cup of tea.

And, for the two days each year when the temperature drops, the dour prophetic Scotsman, wrapped in a tartan shawl, is sitting in the corner, holding a cup of tea aloft and telling everyone “Och aye, I knew the weather would turn – the sunshine cannae last forever! And neither can the big freeze, even if we have reached the point where the local pond has frozen over and all the local Torvill and Deans have come out with their skates to Bolero on it.

I don’t understand the attraction of skating on a pond. An ice rink is safe An ice rink is maintained. A pond in Glasgow is filled with chip suppers, buckfast bottles and botulism. Why would you want to risk falling into a pond that has more health hazards than Donald Trump eating a Big Mac while unicycling around the top of the Empire State Building?

How do they even know if the pond is safe enough to skate on? One part may look thick but the rest could be as thin as, well, anyone not Donald Trump. I don’t understand the appeal, just like I don’t understand the appeal of tea. Even when the temperature drops, I don’t see any need to drink a hot drink, unless it’s hot Chocolate, in which case, bring me a cup.

There’s a place near us – Il Geletessa – that serves fantastic hot chocolate, except today when it offered a special of Brown Butter Hot Chocolate. I thought “that sounds nice” and then I tasted it and thought “that’s just melted butter! I’m drink boiling butter – and who drinks boiling butter? No one. You pour boiling butter to repel invaders from scaling your castle walls. You don’t turn it into a beverage!”.

Luckily, I’d already had my lunch so I wasn’t disappointed to throw it in the bin as I was already full from a roll and sausage (the last from a packet bought from yesterday’s dinner of sausage and mash). And I didn’t drink tea.

Bread: M&S White Roll

Filling: a cumberland sausage from Morrisons

Taste: thankfully nothing like boiling butter