For the last three years I’ve used January to try and learn something new. Three years ago it was to try 31 days of exercise, two years ago it was 31 days of stretching, last year it was 31 days of learning to play the piano and this year it’s 31 days of… lunch.

“Do you like mayonnaise?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Do you like carrots?”

“As much, if not more, than a rabbit.”

“Then why the hell do you not like coleslaw?!?!”

That was the conversation that led me to try coleslaw for the first time. Until then I had avoid it for looking like something a rabbit would throw up after eating too many carrots. And, I avoided it, because, to be honest, I didn’t know what it was. I never knew it was mayonnaise. I always thought of it as wallpaper paster with bits in it.

But then I tasted it and I though “I like mayonnaise, I like carrots, I DO like coleslaw!”

Today, I had a coleslaw roll. What did you have in it, you might ask? Coleslaw. I would say. And you would say, is coleslaw not like butter or mustard? You add it to a filling. It is not a filling it itself. A filling is cheese or ham or cheese and ham or, if adventurous, sliced chicken. No one just has a coleslaw ‘sandwich’.

Except me. Because I thought I had cheese in the office fridge and, it turns out, that I did, but as I opened it three weeks ago before the Christmas break, it had evolved to not just create new life, but had evolved into an actual cow.

And because I didn’t have time to go back to the shops I had a coleslaw on a roll and nothing else.

And while I thought it should probably be classed as a ‘lunch fail’, it was also perfectly edible and still better than any pre-packaged sandwich.

Bread: A McNab roll from Tesco

Filling: coleslaw

Taste: like a carrot drowning in mayonnaise in a swimming pool made up of a well burnt rolls.