I love Frosties. They’re great. But I can’t have them because, once I have one bowl, I have to finish the entire packet. My name is Andrew Todd and I am a frostaholic.

Instead, for the last few years, I’ve had a bowl of All Bran. A cereal that looks like a thatched roof, tastes like a thatched roof and could be used to thatch a roof if a thatcher ever runs short of straw.

All Bran is meant to make you regular so, if Frosties can be said to be great, and Coco Pops can be said to make the mile go chocolately, the All Bran be said to make you shite yourself faster. Which is marketing slogans go, is not the best, I’ll give you that. But, once you take away it’s bowel benefits, what else can you say about All Bran? If Jacob Rees Mogg was a cereal, he would be All Bran, I think that’s it. 

That’s why it’s become harder and harder to motivate myself with breakfast when I cycle first thing in the morning, straight after getting up. Normally, while riding, I will think, “I can’t wait for breakfast!” But, with All Bran, it the breakfast equivalent of a queueing at the Post Office. It doesn’t inspire me to pedal faster to get to my plate. I need a new cereal, one I can look forward to each morning, one that will inspire me rather than one that feels like a prescription. I need Frosties.