Mrs TwinBikeRun is also learning the piano. She’s using the app – Simply Piano – and I can hear her playing along to John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’.

I say “play along” but at beginners level it’s more about playing the occasional key in time with the music rather than playing the song itself.

“If John Lennon could imagine what you are playing he’s be having nightmares,” I say helpfully.

Already, after three days, I can see our playing styles are diverging. While we both started with the app, I’m quite happy to learn a few keys and then play my own tunes on the piano. (And by tunes, I mean ‘noise’). Mrs TwinBikeRun on the other hand, will only play from the app. She’s already ahead of me in the lessons as she works her way through the initial steps.

We’ve also opted for different lessons. After tying the essential skills, learning about how to read some musical notes and where to put your fingers on the keyboard, the lessons split into more essential skills, or an initial look at chords. I chose chords. Mrs Twinbikerun continues with the essential skills.

So, while she at least is learning how to play songs, I’m learning how to play along to songs by using C, D, E and G cords with my right hand.

At some point I assume the app will make us use our left hand but not yet.

I wonder what to do with it in the meantime. Keep it on my lap. Hold a candle in the air. Rest it on the keys? The app doesn’t say.

I rest it on the keys and try to play along but I don’t know what I’m doing as Mrs TwinBikeRun says “If John Lennon could hear you play, he’d be glad that he’s dead!”

I have an app: Simply Piano. It’s American. I can tell it’s American because it keeps telling me to play along with Maroon 5, a band so bland it could be used to paint hallways.

When it’s not telling me to Move Like Jagger it’s also asking me to play Ode To Joy, which at least has a memorable tune. Unlike Maroon 5 who only have a tune if they buy cough sweets.

The good thing about the app is that it mixes playing with showing you how to read music. And Ode to Joy is the first song it provides in sheet music form.

Except I don’t think it’s right. There is one note that doesn’t sound right to me so I play a different one instead.

It’s only day one and already I’m not following my lessons. I’ve rejected technique and musical theory and I’m playing my own songs. Is this how Maroon 5 started? They knew what to do but they started to play their own stuff and eventually they produced the musical equivalent of greek yoghurt and it was too late for good taste. Was I destined to go down the same road?

Perhaps. But given I only know five keys on the keyboard and I can’t use my left hand, the only Jagger I move like is Chris Jagger, Mick’s brother.

There are some things in life that are impossible to buy. Like household bleach. Or car insurance. Or wine. You know that different products do different things but you have no idea what and just go for the second lowest price instead.

Of course, manufacturers and restaurants know this. They know you avoid the cheapest on the basis that it must have cut some corners to get to the price. The bleach doesn’t clean. The wine is vinegar. The insurance only covers you during a full moon. So they deliberately make the second cheapest product the most profitable for them. And you should buy the third cheapest instead, which restaurants also know. So you should buy the fourth cheapest and, by this point, you might as well buy the most expensive as at least then you won’t feel cheated.

Which is a long way of saying that no one knows anything about a lot of things and you might as well get the cheapest one.

For this year’s 30 day challenge I wanted to try a non-physical challenge. Two years ago, I tried to exercise every day. Last year I tried to stretch. This year I wanted to try a new skill and playing the piano was the first one that came to mind.

But first I needed a piano.

And where to buy a piano? Well, the piano shop of course! (Once I googled and found there was such a thing in Glasgow: McLarens Piano Shop).

The only problem. I had no idea how to buy a piano. What do you look for? What makes a good one? Every guide I checked on the internet talked about how it would feel and how it would sound. But given I’m just starting I had no idea what it should feel like or how it should sound. Instead I asked McLaren’s: how you pick one? And they said “how much do you want to spend? Second hand pianos are cheaper”. Which was a fair (if direct) question. Once I said a second hand piano was okay and how much I wanted to spend, they then showed me three pianos and played a song on each one. Which one do you like the sound of, they asked? One sounds ‘better’ than the others. And do you want a brown or a black one? And with those three questions I picked one.

Picking a piano was more like choosing wine than I thought. Pick a colour. Pick a price.

It was only after I left the shop did I think they may have played deliberately better on one piano than the others to influence my choice.

“Haha!” They said: “We’ll get rid of this one to the fool with no ears!”

A credit card later and I was now the proud owner of a piano.

“We’ll throw in the stool for free,” they said. Which was nice as I hadn’t thought to ask about how I would sit to play it. A piano stool, of course. A good thing they did ask as otherwise I might have been playing standing up like 1970s Elton John.

I wonder if they also supply a mountain of cocaine, just like 70s Elton John too?!?